Make Love Stay

Make Love Stay

June 1st, 2010 @ 5:48 pm by Ms Seahorse
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Someone I met at CTY (which stands for “Can’t Tell You”, duh) a million years ago writes a beautiful blog, and this jumped out at me today:

“When two people meet and fall in love, there’s a rush of magic. Magic is just naturally present then. We tend to feed on that gratuitous magic without striving to make any more. One day we wake up and find that the magic is gone. We hustle to get it back, but by then it’s usually too late, we’ve used it up. What we have to do is work like hell at making additional magic right from the start. It’s hard work, especially when it seems superfluous or redundant, but if we can remember to do it, we greatly improve our chances of making love stay.”

-from Still Life with Woodpecker, by Tom Robbins*

At our meeting with our minister last weekend, she said, “There will be times when you don’t like each other. Love is not enough to make a marriage work. What you need is trust and respect. That is the core of the marriage.”

I am hanging on hard to these ideas. Do the work. Keep the respect, earn the trust, give the trust, hang on tight, make it stay.

What are your wedding words of wisdom**?

*The only book I’ve read by Tom Robbins is Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, and it pretty much changed my life. I will read this one shortly. You should too, and then we can talk about it, and it will be fun.

**Really I wanted to know about your marriage words of wisdom, but “wedding” rather than “marriage” makes such nice alliteration.

Tags: boston, relationships |

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20 Responses to “Make Love Stay”

Member

Silveramos (message) 93 posts, Worker bee

I love Even Cowgirls Get the Blues! They made a movie of the book staring Uma Thurman as Sissy, though I would say it’s not as good as the book. Love the hitchhiker thumb, ha. Great quote from Still Life with Woodpecker, too.

6/1/10 @ 6:39 pm (reply)

Member

Leprechaun (message) 907 posts, Busy bee

Unbelievably enough, my favorite wedding wisdom comes from a papal encyclical! In “God is Love,” Benedict XVI wrote:

“Love is not merely a sentiment. Sentiments come and go. A sentiment can be a marvelous first spark, but it is not the fullness of love…Love is never ‘finished’ and complete; throughout life, it changes and matures, and thus remains faithful to itself.”

6/1/10 @ 8:21 pm (reply)

Member

Spider Mum (message) 12 posts, Newbee

“still life with woodpecker” is my favorite of his books. “jitterbug perfume” is pretty good too.

6/1/10 @ 8:27 pm (reply)

Member

Miss Peace (message) 648 posts, Busy bee

•don’t go to bed angry
•pray together daily
•and continue to date your spouse

Keep the love fresh & stay young!!

6/1/10 @ 9:03 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Argyle (message) 2,516 posts, Sugar bee

Those are great words. Might have to borrow them for our ceremony!

6/1/10 @ 9:40 pm (reply)

Member

farmersdaughter (message) 1,675 posts, Bumble bee

I just wanted to say, I LOVE TOM ROBBINS!

6/1/10 @ 9:40 pm (reply)

Guest

malaika

you’re such a beautiful writer

6/1/10 @ 9:41 pm (reply)

Guest

Alexandra

I just have to make a CTY shoutout. What site did you attend?

6/1/10 @ 9:46 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Seahorse (message) 156 posts, Blushing bee

Alexandra, yay another CTYer! I went to Hamilton, Union, and Saratoga… you?

6/1/10 @ 10:19 pm (reply)

10.

Guest

Beth

Such great words of wisdom! I believe TRUST to be the most important factor in any relationship.

6/1/10 @ 10:25 pm (reply)

11.

Bee

Miss Octopus (message) 1,446 posts, Bumble bee

Oooh, I went through a heavy-duty Tom Robbins phase around my freshman year of college. Tore through his books like they were on fire!

6/1/10 @ 11:03 pm (reply)

12.

Member

terremotia (message) 17 posts, Newbee

I’m so freakin’ glad you shouted out to CTY, ’cause I finally figured out why you looked so very familiar. I went to CTY Saratoga with you. Squee! I feel much, much, better now.

6/1/10 @ 11:12 pm (reply)

13.

Guest

Love is a choice, not a feeling. So when the “feelings” fade, you have your choice that got you there, which I think is so much better than unreliable feelings.

But I think a lot of people think it’s all about feelings, which is a big contributor to the crazy-out-of-control divorce rate.

6/2/10 @ 12:52 am (reply)

14.

Member

limesnall (message) 109 posts, Blushing bee

Similar to what K said, love really is a choice. My husband and I are reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman now, and getting a lot out of it. Premise: each of us have a love language, it tends to be different from our spouse’s, if you learn to speak theirs and they learn to speak yours (there’s the choice), your love tanks will be filled! Quick read, almost intuitive material, but excellent advice.

I think it’s also important to remember that though married, you’re still totally different people with totally different opinions, thoughts, feelings, etc. Being married doesn’t magically make you the same person with the same reactions. “Doing the work” and “respect each other” stems out of acknowledging these differences and loving them.

I do think marriage is a wonderfully fun journey and totally worth it!

6/2/10 @ 9:46 am (reply)

15.

Guest

Beth

My default advice as a single girl when asked to give advice to the couple at a wedding has always been “Don’t take marriage advice from single people”… I’m going to have to come up with a new one once I’m on the other side.

6/2/10 @ 11:17 am (reply)

16.

Member

MCC919 (message) 506 posts, Busy bee

I like reading the *words of wisdom* and advice, too Can anyone recommend any other good (fun, lighthearted) ‘pre-marriage’ books??

6/2/10 @ 11:23 am (reply)

17.

Guest

Book suggestion:

“Love & Respect”
by Emerson Eggerich

He’ s got a mouthful of a name, but it’s a fantastic book

6/2/10 @ 11:29 am (reply)

18.

Member

kaymaroo (message) 78 posts, Worker bee

My parents have been married for 27 years and are still over the moon for each other. They get positively giddy around each other. And the advice my mom told me was always say thank you to your spouse. For pouring your coffee, for doing the dishes, for working hard for the family. Too many people take their partners for granted, and saying thank you really shows that you appreciate that person, and makes both of you want to take care of each other.

6/2/10 @ 12:48 pm (reply)

19.

Member

kaymaroo (message) 78 posts, Worker bee

Oh, and my dad’s advice to my fiance was to always put me first. Not surprising since I’m his daughter, but he said the same thing to me about my fiance. As long as we both put each others’ needs first, we’ll both be happy.

6/2/10 @ 12:50 pm (reply)

20.