Who Gets to Wear White?

Who Gets to Wear White?

June 2nd, 2010 @ 4:56 pm by Mrs. Frog
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In my opinion… that color dress is reserved for the bride.

Who Gets to Wear White? : wedding etiquette phoenix White Dress Wedding Guest

I’ve had multiple discussions about this with friends, family and within the online wedding world. It’s definitely a heated topic, depending on who you talk to. Personally, I live in the camp that respects the tradition of the bride being the only person in a white dress on the wedding day. I know some people probably think that’s kinda bitchy, but as a soon-to-be-bride, I have waited a long time to wear a beautiful white wedding gown and can only hope that guests will understand and respect that.

Have you ever been to a wedding where a woman other than the bride is wearing a white dress?

I have.

Personal photo from the wedding I attended – see the bride in the background?

I won’t name names to protect the innocent (and the guilty) but I was not the only person who noticed this white dress guest and I heard many a murmur during the cocktail hour. It was surprising how much of a stir it caused – head shakes, eye rolls… nobody really knows if she meant to wear it on purpose or if she just wasn’t up on typical wedding protocol. I will say, in her defense, that if you haven’t been married/been in weddings/planning a wedding, etc. then there is a chance you aren’t familiar with this faux pas… and in her case, she was around 24 years old, never been married and dating a cousin of the groom. I like to think it was an accident but I really can’t help but wonder if she was interested in getting attention.

I guess, for me, ultimately it comes down to this thought: You know what the bride will be wearing – most likely a white dress – so wouldn’t you automatically pick something else, anything else? Honestly, every other color is on the menu… take your pick, just don’t pick white. And really – how many cute white dresses are out there and out of the options in someone’s closet, why choose the white one?

And since I’ve seen this conversation get heated in the past, let’s keep in mind that we are all entitled to our own opinion. What do you think? Are you with me in the white-only-for-the-bride camp or are you in the laid back, eh… who really cares camp?

Tags: etiquette, phoenix |

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107 Responses to “Who Gets to Wear White?”

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Member

babyboo (message) 2,051 posts, Buzzing bee

as long as it isn’t a long, white dress I’m in the “eh, who cares?” camp

6/2/10 @ 5:03 pm (reply)

Member

moderndaisy (message) 6,703 posts, Bee Keeper

I’ve been to a wedding where a guest wore a long formal white gown! I thought she was another bride in the same venue coming to check out our cocktail hour until I saw the bride hugging her!! I was so floored, I thought it was so tacky (and confusing!) I just can’t understand why anyone would even WANT to wear white to someone elses wedding?

6/2/10 @ 5:03 pm (reply)

Guest

euniverse

i’ve never worn white to a wedding (other than my own) and i never would. but i was curious: how do you feel about a guest wearing a white dress/skirt and something over it (like a colorful cardigan)?

6/2/10 @ 5:08 pm (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Pug (message) 3,753 posts, Honey bee

not that anyone would confuse a guest wearing a white dress with the bride in a wedding gown, but yeah i go with tradition on this one and wouldn’t feel comfortable wearing white to someone else’s wedding. that being said, i would raise my eyebrows at someone else wearing white but would just figure that they were more easygoing than i am.

6/2/10 @ 5:08 pm (reply)

Member

farmersdaughter (message) 1,675 posts, Bumble bee

I don’t mind if someone wears something with white IN it, as long as its not bridal looking and there are other colors. My MOM wanted to wear a long formal white gown to my wedding, and she couldn’t understand why I said no (she didn’t talk to me for days.) Momzilla!

6/2/10 @ 5:10 pm (reply)

Member

GatorKate (message) 115 posts, Blushing bee

I don’t know why you would think to wear a white dress to someone’s wedding, I think it’s bad etiquette. I mean in this day and age a lot of traditional etiquette isn’t followed, and even most brides admit to not following traditional etiquette protocol (which to clarify, definitely isn’t a bad thing), so maybe it’s led to guests not following tradition either? But besides that, women hate being dressed similar to other women, so at an event where you know someone would be wearing white, why purposefully pick out a dress the same color?

6/2/10 @ 5:10 pm (reply)

Member

GatorKate (message) 115 posts, Blushing bee

@GatorKate: Oh! And I meant “you” in a general sense, I wasn’t directing it to any one in particular!

6/2/10 @ 5:11 pm (reply)

Member

sulaii211 (message) 770 posts, Busy bee

To veer off topic..what are people’s feelings about wearing black? I’m a ninja- I love black- but is wearing it offensive?

6/2/10 @ 5:13 pm (reply)

Member

stephbolt (message) 204 posts, Helper bee

Our best man’s wife wore a floor length white gown to our wedding. I had a small moment of shock when I first saw her, but honestly, no one was about to get confused over which one of us was the bride! I personally would never do it though.

Black though, is totally 100% ok in my opinion.

6/2/10 @ 5:15 pm (reply)

10.

Guest

Karen26

So here’s a question, I just bought a dress that I’ve been coveting (anthro’s Vappu dress in yellow) for a while for my FSIL’s wedding. It’s off-white from just above my natural waist up, but yellow everywhere else. I didn’t think about the color until just now, since it is mostly yellow. What’s the consensus on dresses that are mostly another color, but partly white?

6/2/10 @ 5:21 pm (reply)

11.

Bee

Miss Frog (message) 505 posts, Busy bee

Yes, I should clarify that my thought on white isn’t that I think people will get confused on who the bride is (I guess that’s a possibility but not my point), it’s the idea of respecting the tradition. Speaking for myself, there is really only one day that I will have the chance to wear a beautiful white dress and it’s the day I’m marrying my best friend - I’d appreciate guests understanding the importance of that to me.

@sulaii211: I personally don’t have an issue with any other color being worn. Black is perfectly acceptable, especially if it’s a black tie/formal wedding - I would find it a bit odd for a summer wedding. The connotation of it being funeral-wear or offensive doesn’t make sense to me. Anyone else care to weigh in on that?

6/2/10 @ 5:21 pm (reply)

12.

Member

AnneTossy (message) 1,309 posts, Bumble bee

I’m guilty.
I wore a white sundress to a wedding 3 years ago.
To make it worse, I had never met the couple (my boyfriends friends)!!
I feel AWFUL about it now but I really had NO CLUE!
I was 19, it was my first wedding, and I was in the process of moving long distance and didn’t have any dresses to wear so I borrowed it from a friend I was staying with.

I didn’t know any better but I still feel like a complete idiot. That girl was probably so pissed (and rightfully so).

Ahhh, I feel better about getting that out in the open

6/2/10 @ 5:22 pm (reply)

13.

Member

Lozza (message) 568 posts, Busy bee

Does this apply to white dresses with patterns on them?
I’ve been wondering about the whole wearing-white-to-a-wedding thing- we have a summer garden wedding to attend, and I have a dress that’s a white background with bright flowers patterned all over it- it’s clearly not bridal, but the background is definitely white. Does that cross the line?

6/2/10 @ 5:22 pm (reply)

14.

Guest

Karen26

@Karen26: Also, if inappropriate for the wedding, would it be appropriate for the rehearsal dinner, in your opinion, or do I just have another dress that I really love but don’t have anywhere to wear (besides all the fabulous summer barbeques and stuff that are coming up).

6/2/10 @ 5:24 pm (reply)

15.

Member

Kemi82JP (message) 749 posts, Busy bee

@euniverse - i think its fine if one was to wear a white skirt with a colored top/cardi, or a white dress that had a colored pattern, all of these are fine. There def needs to be other color involved, that’s for sure.

I personally think it is pretty rude/tacky to wear white to someone elses wedding. my poor friend had a situation where her husbands mom wore white! she was pissed… and i could never imagine anyone wearing a white GOWN to a wedding, wow! that takes some serious cluelessness.

@stephbolt - wow, i would have had a BIG moment of shock if I saw that! As the best man’s WIFE she should have had more sense. or maybe she’s just a bitch and wanted to stick it to you?? lol that’s pretty bad.

Luckily my wedding (which is in 10 days, yikes!) is not so formal that someone might wear a gown, and if I saw someone in a white cocktail dress I might go “grrrr” but will ultimately let it go.

6/2/10 @ 5:25 pm (reply)

16.

Bee

Mrs. Perfume (message) 2,253 posts, Buzzing bee

Yes, I agree generally. The special white dress should be reserved for the bride.

I guess I wouldn’t mind it if someone wore white to my wedding, but didn’t know of the tradition (perhaps being from another culture). And also, my ring bearer and flower girl wore ivory (like me) and I’ve seen weddings where the groom/groomsmen wore white jackets.

6/2/10 @ 5:26 pm (reply)

17.

Guest

Jennifer

I wore an ivory dress to a wedding once after I spilled coffee on the dress I’d been planning to wear. I don’t think it was too bad, though, as a) there was a green-and-black print on the dress, and b) it was a male couple, so there was no bride in a white dress.

6/2/10 @ 5:29 pm (reply)

18.

Member

AlmostMrsG (message) 394 posts, Helper bee

I’m usually in the “no one but the bride!” camp. But, I must confess. I wore a white dress to my cousin’s wedding two years ago. I was worried, but then remembered that there was no bride and I was off the hook. There were many guests in white thinking the same thing

6/2/10 @ 5:30 pm (reply)

19.

Bee

Mrs. Spaniel (message) 6,792 posts, Bee Keeper

Not that I’m the authority, but I think wearing partially white dresses or dresses with patterns on them that include white is fine–otherwise, I totally agree that wearing an all-white dress to someone else’s wedding is just a bad idea. Not because it’s technically bad etiquette (or not) or because anyone might mistake you for the bride (or not), but because we all know that some people are offended by it, and if there’s ever a day that you should take someone else’s feelings into consideration, it’s when you’re a guest at someone else’s wedding!

6/2/10 @ 5:32 pm (reply)

20.

Bee

Mrs. French Bulldog (message) 7,730 posts, Bee Keeper

I’m of the side of “no one but the bride”! My sister and I actually have deal that if anyone wore/wears white to our weddings we will spray them down with rite dye