Acknowledging Injustice

Acknowledging Injustice

June 3rd, 2010 @ 3:38 pm by Mrs. Dachshund
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The day Proposition 8 was passed in California was the one time that I truly felt let down by my state; I couldn’t believe that we would allow such a giant step backward. It is equally mind boggling how, a year-and-a-half later, the law is still intact.

The point of this post is not to spark a debate, but to share how, on our wedding day, we brought to light an issue for which both Mr. Doxie and I are passionate. I know that it isn’t uncommon in the wedding world for couples to recognize how unjust laws against same-sex marriages are. It’s a bit of a different story, however, in the conservative area where our wedding was located. We honestly weren’t sure how the gesture would be received among our guest list. We wanted to do something that would be prominent enough for our guests to take notice, but still subtle. As sad as it is to admit it, I know that we had guests in attendance who likely feel as strongly against same-sex marriage as I do in support of it.

In the end, we decided to go the same route as the Sprinkles and make white knots for our guests to wear and take home.

Acknowledging Injustice : wedding decor fresno legal reception Mg 0530111 _MG_05301

I ordered a small ceramic heart bowl from RedHotPottery on Etsy, MOH Erin cut and tied the ribbon and I made the sign.

Acknowledging Injustice : wedding decor fresno legal reception Mg 05411 _MG_054

Everyone should have the right to tie the knot

While we will forever look upon this day with great joy, we cannot help but feel sadness for our friends and loved ones who, under current legislation have had their right to marry stripped away.

The White Knot is a symbol of marriage equality. Regardless of your orientation, please wear this knot to show your support for basic human rights. We hope that one day soon, everyone will have the chance to experience the love and happiness of their wedding day.

We believe in marriage equality

Acknowledging Injustice : wedding decor fresno legal reception 466431511 4664315

We set up the white knots and sign on our welcome table along with our guestbook and programs so that guests would see it and take one if they felt so inclined. Photo was taken by MOH Erin while we were setting up the morning of.

Though most of our guests didn’t take a knot, I’m okay with that. I know they were noticed and I appreciate that some people did choose to wear one. I think it was the perfect gesture to acknowledge something that is important to us without offending those who disagree.

Have you decided to incorporate something into your wedding that may be controversial? How did you handle it?

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42 Responses to “Acknowledging Injustice”

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Member

jaylii9 (message) 1,575 posts, Bumble bee

I love this idea and sentiment, Doxie! I am so glad that you decided to do this at your wedding.

Quick question… where did you buy the wooden rolodex from?? and what did you use it for? I was thinking of using something like this for place cards.

6/3/10 @ 3:52 pm (reply)

Member

RecessionistaBride (message) 5,018 posts, Bee Keeper

What beautiful sentiments Mrs. D! In Canada, same-sex marriage has been legal for over 5 years so we wouldn’t have a place for this, but I agree completely that Prop 8 is disgusting. Every human should have the right to be with the person they love & they should have the same legal rights as a heterosexual couple. Bravo!

6/3/10 @ 3:53 pm (reply)

Member

shaydenise (message) 1,151 posts, Bumble bee

That’s awesome! I wish I could do something like that… but though a great deal of my family is on the more liberal side, they still aren’t for same-sex marriage as I am. I come from a very small, southern town (which I’m not using as an excuse for the mind-set, just saying for reference) so there is even slower progression here than a lot of places. My bridesman is gay, and I would love to be able to do something like this to show my support for the fact that I want him to be able to experience a day of marriage like I’m going to, but I know it would not be well received by my family nor my FI’s family. Kudos to you though! What a wonderful thing to be able to do!

6/3/10 @ 3:54 pm (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Spaniel (message) 6,792 posts, Bee Keeper

I wish I had done something like this.. we just ran out of time and energy.

6/3/10 @ 4:05 pm (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Pencils (message) 1,027 posts, Bumble bee

That’s such a great thing to do.

6/3/10 @ 4:06 pm (reply)

Member

WhyHiTy (message) 2 posts, Wannabee

this is such a wonderful idea. i’d love to do something like this.

6/3/10 @ 4:06 pm (reply)

Member

oracle (message) 5,065 posts, Bee Keeper

Beautiful wording - thank you for the inspiration!

6/3/10 @ 4:08 pm (reply)

Member

mrspaetz (message) 3,805 posts, Honey bee

Thanks for doing that. I think it’s telling that most people didn’t even take one. Our Best Man was gay and that caused some murmurs.

6/3/10 @ 4:10 pm (reply)

Guest

Kendall

I think our wedding vows could be considered controversial. I don’t agree with marriage equality and I think our wedding vows which strongly suggested marriage being between a woman and a man suggested just that. In the same manner as what you did above, I think this could be considered controversial these days. What does anyone else think? Is sticking to traditional way controversial today? Is the norm getting flipped around and is it not norm for a woman and a man to be married and that’s it?

6/3/10 @ 4:12 pm (reply)

10.

Hostess

chelseamorning (message) 2,252 posts, Buzzing bee

I think that’s a really nice way of handling it—it’s evident what you are saying but you’re not knocking people over the head with it. I actually wouldn’t read too much into people not taking a knot…at my wedding, half the guests didn’t even take home the favors (mints). I probably wouldn’t have taken a ribbon, not because I don’t support the cause (I do), but because I don’t really do awareness ribbons. So that may have affected your results.

6/3/10 @ 4:15 pm (reply)

11.

Member

moderndaisy (message) 6,607 posts, Bee Keeper

I just got teary eyed reading your post! I totally would have worn a ribbon at your wedding

6/3/10 @ 4:16 pm (reply)

12.

Guest

LongtimeBee

This is something that I absolutely want to do (or at least something similar). FI’s family is extremely conservative, however, and this would not go over well, so I haven’t figured out what to do. But, with two grandmothers in a loving 30 year relationship, my vows will absolutely not have anything to do with marriage being between a man and a woman. In fact, I refuse to be married by an officiant who does not share the same views as I do. To me, being married by someone who disagreed on something so fundamental to me was not right. So, this is a great idea, thank you, and I’d love to hear about other experiences and ways that people expressed their views!

6/3/10 @ 4:29 pm (reply)

13.

Member

LadyB88 (message) 5 posts, Newbee

Wow you have such a great idea. My brother in-law is gay and we’ve joked about not knowing which side to throw him on :). I like to think that some day I would be able to be involved in his wedding. GREAT GREAT IDEA!
Lady B

6/3/10 @ 4:33 pm (reply)

14.

Member

madcat (message) 132 posts, Blushing bee

Kendall -
Why does one type of marriage or the other have to be the norm? The point of equality is to expand what qualifies as “the norm”.

Before the civil rights movement, it was not the norm for black people to sit next to white people at a lunch counter. When it finally became acceptable for them to do so, it didn’t make it any less “normal” for white people to sit at that counter. It just made it normal for black people to do it too.

Allowing same-sex marriage doesn’t make “opposite marriage” (hehe, thanks Carrie Prejean!) any less normal.

6/3/10 @ 5:42 pm (reply)

15.

Member

amariem25 (message) 3,733 posts, Sugar bee

If I had done this at my wedding I’m sure there would have been a lot of crazy talk about us behind our backs. I don’t think many people would have taken the white ribbons at my wedding either.

6/3/10 @ 5:58 pm (reply)

16.

Guest

Magdalena

I really like that you attempted to address an issue you care passionately about without being offensive or turning your wedding into a narrow political event.

I think you probably made a lot of your guests (although who knows the demographics?) kind of uncomfortable with the vocabulary you chose to use, though. I understand why this issue is often framed in terms of human rights, but unfortunately sometimes it can kind of come off shrill, like the bride is calling her eighty-year-old grandmother a bigot,or the groom is calling his Muslim convert sister-in-law a horrible, horrible person. I mean, Mother Teresa was against gay marriage. Even the freaking Dalai Lama is against gay marriage. It’s not exactly a fringe, kooky, “hater” position to take.

At the same time, a wedding is about the couple and this is a subject you and your guy are so passionate about, it would seem like a shame to just ignore the issue altogether.

I am struggling a bit with this myself, from a different angle. We are giving charitable favors and FI and I really want them to go to the Sisters of Life which is a religious order which works to protect women in crisis pregnancies from being exploited by Planned Parenthood and other parts of the abortion industry. The also do fabulous work with women who are suffering from devastating depression and health issues after an abortion. This cause is so precious to us because let’s just say their post-abortive ministry has helped our family. But on his side of the family there are some dear, WONDERFUL women who happen to be passionately pro-choice. So I don’t really know what to do.

My mother wants us to forget it, she says that a wedding is not the time for a “political statement” and I agree, but does this really count? Is it really that partisan a thing? Everybody would like fewer abortions after all. Maybe it go OK if I leave off the explanation from the favor card and just say something has been given to the “Sisters of Life.”??

6/3/10 @ 6:05 pm (reply)

17.

Member

Lisa1783 (message) 319 posts, Helper bee

Bravo. I think it’s a wonderful gesture.

6/3/10 @ 6:21 pm (reply)

18.

Member

VagabondGurl (message) 1,024 posts, Bumble bee

I love this! Fantastic idea… and I may consider borrowing it! I live in CA and am disheartened by this, too. My parents are lesbians - and it’s a shame that I can marry a man under our government’s authority but my own parents cannot marry each other!

6/3/10 @ 6:28 pm (reply)

19.

Member

jordynrose (message) 6,351 posts, Bee Keeper

You executed this gesture perfectly. Kudos to you both!

6/3/10 @ 6:46 pm (reply)

20.

Member

tksjewelry (message) 9,769 posts, Bee Keeper

While I agree with the right of marriage, I do not believe a wedding is a time to execute your political beliefs. The money and the time would have been better spent with one of the many organizations working on the issue. You run the risk of offending family and friends. I grew up in politics and have worked for many causes and campaigns, while my wedding will be filled with those from the political arena, we will not be using our wedding as a soap box.

6/3/10 @ 7:10 pm (reply)

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