Why I Refused an Open Bar

Why I Refused an Open Bar

June 4th, 2010 @ 1:07 pm by Mrs. Seashell
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Why I Refused an Open Bar : wedding alcohol providence Booze booze

It’s not out of our budget. It’s not for any religious reason. And Mr. Seashell and I certainly enjoy a good drink.

So, why did I refuse an open bar?

I believe that open bars don’t always bring out the best in people. And let me be clear: I don’t think open bars are a bad thing, I’ve enjoyed many myself! But for me, it felt important to set a certain “tone” for our reception. I’ve been to weddings where the groom has stripped down to his pants and vest by the end of the night, groomsmen have done shots by the bar, and toasts and speeches are incoherent at best. It makes me cringe. I can take ownership of the fact that this is my own issue. Some people can laugh this off. It’s not my thing.

Refusing an open bar does not mean a dry wedding. Bring on the champagne toast! Pour that wine! Crack open those carefully selected beers! And start mixing those signature drinks!

For me, choosing to hand select our drinks felt like the right choice. Like so many other elements of the day that have been considered with thoughtful detail, this is just another piece of making our day feel unique and special.

Now, I also realize I’m operating on some faulty logic here. If someone wants to get drunk, they can get schnockered on wine, beer, or signature drinks. I guess my argument is that I’m working to set a tone of our reception being an “event” and not a “party”. I’m fully prepared for many of you to call me downright crazy, and I’ve seen the points go both ways on the boards. I’m just sharing how I came to the decision, and why it’s the right one for us. It’s not a judgment call on open bars - I quite enjoy them - it’s just not part of my vision for our wedding.

Are you having limited drink choices? What was your reasoning?

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60 Responses to “Why I Refused an Open Bar”

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Member

bohemianbailie (message) 980 posts, Busy bee

We are having beer and wine only and then maybe a bottle of cognac for after dinner but I fully agree with your post!

6/4/10 @ 1:15 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Snow (message) 916 posts, Busy bee

We made a similar choice. Sure, people who want to get hammered will do so (but I hope not!), but we also hope that nice wine, craft beer, and two low-alcohol cocktails signal that alcohol, while a social lubricant, shouldn’t be the focus of the evening. Also, our families do not have traditions of large amts. of alcohol at weddings (our wedding probably pushes the bar on booze!), so it would be awkward and uncomfortable to have people get truly liquored up when many of our family members don’t even drink. I’m with you Seashell!

6/4/10 @ 1:20 pm (reply)

Guest

Calendar

our reception comes with a venue-issued bartendered cash bar. people can get sloshed on their own dime.

6/4/10 @ 1:22 pm (reply)

Member

Ms. E (message) 132 posts, Blushing bee

We’re just having beer, wine and (maybe) a pre-mixed signature cocktail, but I still consider this an “open bar” because our guests will not have to pay for drinks. I always equate “open bar” with paying, not with the alcohol selection available. We’re not having a “full bar” but we are having an “open bar.” Is this what you mean?

6/4/10 @ 1:23 pm (reply)

Member

afbacher (message) 490 posts, Helper bee

I think that limiting choices is a great compromise on the open bar situation. Alcohol is still provided to the guests, but in limited amounts (I’m also a fan of drink tickets). It’s completely up to you to set the tone of your wedding!

Not having an open bar wasn’t in the cards for us - we’re irish, german, and catholic midwesterners. Drinking is what we do But I know that my family is the exception, not the rule. Props to you for coming to a good solution!

6/4/10 @ 1:24 pm (reply)

Member

Entangled (message) 2,616 posts, Sugar bee

I agree that if you’re having free drinks for all, and it’s more than just a glass of champagne for the toast and maybe some wine with dinner, then it’s still an open bar. Not to be down on you for it, but more to say that 99% of the “open bar is a must” folks will be satisfied with that.

I kind of want people stripping down, taking shots, and being generally silly, though. Hopefully not the point of total incoherence, but I’m all about the big party atmosphere at weddings. To me, it’s the events marking adulthood that are the best opportunities to get everyone together and pretend you’re still in college.

6/4/10 @ 1:28 pm (reply)

Member

shaydenise (message) 1,151 posts, Bumble bee

I totally agree with you! I’m not paying for people to get plastered at my wedding. I got so mad this morning on my way to work because the radio show I was listening to was talking about weddings. One of the co-hosts said that she doesn’t go to weddings unless they have an open bar - not even family. I was so offended by this! I mean seriously, all a wedding means to you is free booze? Anyway, we’re going the champagne, wine beer route and if people are that concerned about needing hard liquor they walk a block down the street to the night club and get wasted on their own dime! lol

I don’t have anything against open bars btw! I’m just still heated by the radio comment this morning ha ha.

6/4/10 @ 1:30 pm (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Mary Jane (message) 1,970 posts, Buzzing bee

I think it was a good choice. Funny thing is though - it didn’t stop the family of one bride whose wedding I attended! When they found out there would not be an open bar (and drinks would be $5 each), they brought their own liquor. Not just beer either. We’re talking full top shelf bars - drinks being made tail-gate style out of coolers in the reception hall’s parking lot. Needless to say… people still got drunk! Sigh. (On the other hand, I did really think $5 for plastic cup of miller lite was a little excessive.)

6/4/10 @ 1:31 pm (reply)

Member

mareundarum (message) 83 posts, Worker bee

We were restricted by venue as to what beverages we could serve. When booking the church, we were told no hard alcohol, but wine, beer and champagne were a go! (Guess they didn’t want too many spirits interferring with the Holy Spirit….alright, I’m done.) The plan is to have the beer and wine available all night, so in essence open, but since it is harder to get wastey faced with beer and wine, I am hoping that we won’t have any strip teases. Another thing I plan on doing is having cab numbers prominently displayed at the bar and announced via DJ. Gotta keep everybody safe!

6/4/10 @ 1:33 pm (reply)

10.

Member

Querida (message) 1,424 posts, Bumble bee

We are doing the exact same same for the exact same reasons.

Fun? YES

Crazy/wild/dance on tables? Not so much.

6/4/10 @ 1:34 pm (reply)

11.

Member

bmore (message) 360 posts, Helper bee

Eh, I kind of feel like you should be able to trust your guests to act like adults. I’ve never feared that one of our guests would strip or be completely inappropriate. That said, there’s nothing rude about limiting the drink choices so I think it’s a fine thing to do for whatever reason.

6/4/10 @ 1:37 pm (reply)

12.

Member

datialjohnson (message) 68 posts, Worker bee

I agree with you. I am having two signature drinks in honor of the “bride & groom”, along w/ select wines. My reason is I know our families and I have seen what “liqour” can do to people. This will not be one of those nights. I want to enjoy myself and have pleasant memories of a special day. Not horror stories.

6/4/10 @ 1:37 pm (reply)

13.

Member

Treble Clef (message) 109 posts, Blushing bee

Fortunately, we have the option to bring our own liquor/wine (beer is included with catering) so that’s been a huge relief. We’ve cut out a lot of different liquors already because we don’t see them as being very popular anyway, and no one can drink what we don’t have!
Also, we made a stipulation that the only people who can order shots are me and FI. Of course, there will be some for the dollar dance, but those will be pretty small.

6/4/10 @ 1:39 pm (reply)

14.

Guest

Sorry to be the first to disagree with everybody. I think it’s etiquette to have an open bar for your guest. Hopefully your friends and family respect you to not get plastered. We had an open bar and would never chance that part of it (and there are things I would change). It is rude that someone wouldn’t want to come to your wedding if its not open bar.. but just playing devils advocate here.. isn’t it inconsiderate not to have an open bar for your guests/people you love.

This also all depends on your guests, your religious background, etc. Just wanted to put it out there. At the end if you are happy with your choice - do it

6/4/10 @ 1:41 pm (reply)

15.

Guest

BMdancer

I 100% agree that a wedding is not the time nor the place to get wasted. I have been to weddings where people were so drunk they could barely stand up. One time even the groom was too drunk to remember most of the night. However, I recently was in a wedding that only had a beer and wine bar in the hopes of keeping the wedding from becoming a frat party. However, this seemed to backfire. Because so many people were not wine drinkers it hit them HARD. After just a couple of glasses people were shocked at how much they were feeling it. Even the bride said the next day that she thought it made the situation worse becuase people didnt know their wine limits since it really does affect you differently than hard liquors. Im not saying that I think a beer and wine bar is a bad idea…just saying that you should be prepared that this same thing could happen.

6/4/10 @ 1:42 pm (reply)

16.

Bee

Mrs. Pug (message) 3,753 posts, Honey bee

my sister and her husband limited the bar to beer and wine–they were 22 and 23 at the time and didn’t really trust their friends to be out of the “college party” phase at that point. for us, with our smallish wedding and no dancing and knowing our guests, the open bar at cocktail hour was a treat and responsibly enjoyed, but for cost reasons we served just wine at dinner.

6/4/10 @ 1:43 pm (reply)

17.

Member

MissChirpie (message) 730 posts, Busy bee

I’m totally with you on this one. Personally, I get super embarrassed for people who can’t hold their liquor. I don’t drink much myself, and don’t feel right providing large amounts of alcohol to anyone. I want to remember my wedding without remember drunk Uncle Marty. We don’t really have too much choice in the matter anyways. Our location is church property and won’t allow us to serve alcohol.

6/4/10 @ 1:45 pm (reply)

18.

Member

SuperBrook (message) 408 posts, Helper bee

We’re doing something similar, for rather similar reasons. The first half of our reception will follow the traditional reception lines (minus the garter/boquet toss). We’re providing beer and wine. Around 10pm or so (when a typical reception would end and an after party would start) we’re having a byob field party. I figure it’s a safe bet that by 10 or 11 most of the older more traditional guests will be gone, leaving us to celebrate with our friends in a way more in line with how we do things.

6/4/10 @ 1:45 pm (reply)

19.

Member

dada (message) 109 posts, Blushing bee

agree you there.
I’ve seen wedding party getting drunk and making a tumble, that’s not pretty..

So wine, beer, signature drink is what we are having.

6/4/10 @ 1:45 pm (reply)

20.

Member

MsBtoMrsR (message) 9 posts, Newbee

Disclaimer: I’m a Seashell bridesmaid, but I think this sounds like a perfectly seashelly compromise! (hi lover!) Guests can eat, drink, and be as merry as they please without the option of tequila shots. (Because we all know tequila shots are RARELY a good idea!) ; )

6/4/10 @ 1:53 pm (reply)

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