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Hello hive! I’ve missed you guys!! I’m still waiting on my pro-pics. I definitely haven’t forgotten about my recaps, and I’m anxious to start them (and see the pictures myself!). But since I was missing the hive, I had to pop in.
So, the reason for this post is to talk about gifts, ease my guilt, and educate myself on the etiquette of gift giving.
I’ve always wondered about how you’re supposed to handle shower gifts and then the subsequent wedding gift.
I’ve done it both ways—given a present at the shower and then also a present at the wedding. But, if I attend 2 showers for the same bride, then I’ll usually skip the wedding gift because I’ve already given 2 presents. However, I’ve also been guilty of giving just a shower gift and no wedding gift even when attending only one shower. Oops.
But it gets to be a lot of presents! And, I felt so guilty when people were so generous at my shower and then those same people were generous again with a wedding gift! It felt like I was hitting up my friends for lots of gifts, and in turn, lots of money.
So, what’s the deal? What might Martha (my wedding guru), or some of the other etiquette experts say about gift giving? Are you supposed to give gifts for each shower and then the wedding, too? Or is it OK to pick and choose as I’ve done in the past? (Please don’t shame this etiquette-less girl!)
Love RHofNY!!! I don’t think it’s a big deal to only give one gift or 2 shower gifts and no wedding gift. Personally, receiving one gift from a person is enough for me and I would never think “I cant believe they didnt give a wedding gift” when they had already gotten me a gift for my shower!! To me, a nice thoughtful card is much more important than a second gift!
Personally and this is bad but it would probably depend on how much I like the couple or my relation to them. I am in a wedding this summer and I will do two presents but probably of a different sort. The first was a cheese platter with corresponding knives so the second will be more of something for the honeymoon or towels or sheets (depending on the registry).
Great post! I’m looking forward to reading the comments 
I usually do a gift for each shower and reception, but then again I’ve never been to a 2-shower wedding, so I’m not sure how I would tackle that!
I guess I’ve never thought of it in those terms. As the bride, I live by the phrase, “No one is required to give you a gift.” But I suppose looking at it from a guest perspective, I think etiquette says if you give a shower gift you don’t need to bring something to the wedding since showers are wedding events, i.e. a shower gift is really a wedding gift. But I generally bring a gift to both anyway lol, unless it’s a “big” (read: expensive) gift then I usually give that at the shower and maybe bring something small to the wedding (or even a mall gift card).
I think it depends on region and your family and friends. In my family people usually give gifts at the shower and monetary gifts at the wedding. But again, I know not everyone does that. I’d go based off of what people in your group/area do.
I’m not sure what protocol is because I have never been to a wedding shower other than our own, and the only weddings I have been to other than my own were as a kid. My in-laws held our shower a mere 5 days before our wedding, so I was very worried about how those people must feel. We had very few people attend that shower, and had mixed results. Some gave us shower gifts, and no wedding gift. Some gave us a wedding gift, and skipped the shower altogether, some no-showed both and sent no gifts, some gave us fairly generous gifts for both, some gave us no gift at all, and some gave a generous gift for one, and a small gift for the other.
If it were me, I would say a smallish shower gift and a fairly generous wedding gift would be appropriate. I don’t think it is necessary to attend more than one shower for the same couple, unless you are in the bridal party, and I recall seeing in etiquette books that you are only obligated to purchase one shower gift if that is the case.
I’ve often wondered this too FroYo! A former roomy of mine attended my shower and my wedding, no gift for either… not to say I’m greedy but thought we were friends and closer than that…waaahh…
In my area, gifts for both are standard. I usually go with a moderately priced gift for the shower, and something nicer for the wedding.
If I went to more than one shower for the same bride, I would likely skip the gift at the second shower (or only give a very small gift (like <$10)).
Hmm never thought of that. Now it has me a bit panicked though… I’d much rather have someone give something off of our wedding registry as a wedding gift rather than a piece of lingere or something at a shower and have them skip the wedding gift later!
If the bride has two showers, I generally will only go to one (unless it were my sister or something). Then, I would give a shower gift as well as a wedding gift.
i’ve usually only give one gift at the shower since i pick off the registry. i didn’t know you were apparently supposed to give 2 gifts, but that seems a bit excessive to me, unless i gave a smaller personal gift to the bride at the shower. besides, i really don’t like lugging a ginormous box to the wedding. but to each their own right?
just a thought here, but since a wedding isn’t really about gifting, shouldn’t one gift suffice?
I would think it’s ok to do 2 shower gifts and no wedding gift. I also think you should give what you’re comfortable giving. Maybe it would be a small set of something all 3 times? That being said… What about giving wedding/shower gifts to people who have already given to us. I feel like it needs to be an equal amount but what worries me is sometimes we can’t be as generous. I hope it doesn’t matter to the other person!
I give gifts at both. Usually a gift for the shower and money for the wedding. If I were invited to 2 showers I would just buy one gift for the shower. The shower gift is usually less than the wedding gift. (1/6 of the cost)
I usually give a small (say $40) registry gift for a shower, and then a larger gift (say $100) registry gift for the wedding. I’ve never been to 2 showers for the same bride, but if that were the case I would probably give a small gift at each shower and then a small gift at the wedding. I’d spend the same $140 just split it between 3 gifts instead of 2.
I’ve always given both, but I’ve never gone to multiple showers for the same person. If I had, I would either decline the second shower invite… or skip the wedding gift. I’m not made of money 
I’ve always given both a shower gift as well as a wedding gift. I’ve never been to 2 showers for the same bride though.. so like Mrs Hamster, I’m not sure what I would do for that one. For the shower gift, I usually get something less expensive off the registry and then something bigger for the wedding (or if nothing is left that I like on the registry, I’d give money at the wedding I personally think it’s rude to show up w/ nothing (even if it’s just something that’s inexpensive or even home-made)
You should make every effort to give a gift at both. There’s no reason to give a gift that’s so extravagant at a shower that you then can’t give something at the wedding. My advice is to not get hung up on wanting to give only “big ticket” items.
It is a bit odd that you were invited to multiple showers. Maybe it was because you were in the wedding party? If so, one shower gift is plenty :))
i’m in a similar situation where i was invited to someone’s engagement party, their shower, and to their wedding. i think i’m just going to have to cut back on the monetary amount of each gift, although i do think skipping the reception gift is totally fine if you’ve already given two presents.
I’ve never been to a two shower wedding, but I usually will get a less expensive shower gift, then a check for the wedding gift (and the amounts really are more dependent on how close I am to the bride, groom, or couple)
Just think of how much your shelling out per person for all of your own expenses and don’t worry so much. Besides, people are giving you things to show their love and support1 Not because you’re forcing them to.
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Mrs. Frozen Yogurt, Dallas Age and Occupation: 28, Special Projects Coordinator Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Equity Trader Engagement Date: March 19, 2009 Wedding Date: April 2010 Venue: Marie Gabrielle, Dallas About Me: I was born and raised in Texas, and have lived in several of the cities across the state, but I currently reside in Austin. I went to college in Boston and have a special place in my heart for the Northeast. I love reading, shopping, wine, reuniting with college friends that are scattered across the country, reality TV, trying out new recipes, and attempting all the DIY projects that come along with wedding planning. I'm a "bleeding heart, save the world type" and thankfully my job allows me to work on legislation and policy to help out those in need. I met Mr. Frozen Yogurt in a bar, though he doesn't even drink! And now we are planning a modern yet vintage wedding in Dallas while dealing with the trials and tribulations of first time homeownership.
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