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Mrs. Pin Cushion, Oakland, CA Age and Occupation: 25, Nurse Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, PhD Student Engagement Date: November 23, 2008 Wedding Date: July 2010 Venue: Radonich Ranch, Los Gatos About Me: I'm the 3 Cs: crafty, creative and quirky (oh, that's not a C? Close enough!). I'm also a recycling fanatic, fluent in bad accents and I have the loudest laughter this side of the Mississippi. I have not just one sweet tooth, but a whole mouth full of sweet teeth. I cry at 97.4% of all movies I see, but my fiance's always there to hand me a tissue. My geek-chic fiance and I are planning a wedding full of color, cookies and handmade goodness and I can't wait to spill the beans on all of our crazy ideas!
About Mrs. Pin Cushion

Soul What?

June 10th, 2010 @ 10:41 am by Mrs. Pin Cushion

Just the other day, I was having a seemingly innocent conversation, most likely about work, or about the benefits of cookies over cake, or perhaps about Harry Potter, when… BAM! I was blindsided by a question about whether Mr. Pin Cushion was my soul mate. This would have posed no problems if I had been able to coolly reply, “Of course he is! I love him so, that soul mate of mine.” But I didn’t say that. Because—wait for it—I don’t think he’s my soul mate.

It’s nothing against Mr. Pin Cushion. I just don’t personally believe in soul mates. And that’s okay. Mr. PC feels the same way. We both think that our relationship is absolutely fantastic and we wouldn’t pick anyone else to be with. But it takes work. And compromise (”I’ll stop embarrassing you by speaking in strange accents when we’re in public if you give me a 5 minute foot massage tonight.”).

And for Mr. Pin Cushion’s highly enlarged left brain, he just can’t fathom that out of the 3 billion females in the world, he happened to have met the one he was fated for at such a young age. In high school. And though it’s not the most romantic take on our love, I agree with him.


The Australian comedian-singer, Tim Minchin, has a song that perfectly demonstrates the Pin Cushions take on soul mates. For your viewing pleasure:

If you choose not to watch the video because 1) you have something against Australians after hearing the phrase, “Let’s put another shrimp on the barby” one too many times, or 2) looking at Tim Minchin’s massive amounts of eye liner makes your eyes water, or 3) you work in a cubicle, don’t own headphones and don’t want to scare your coworkers… then here’s a short excerpt of some lyrics:

If I didn’t have you, someone else would do.
Your love is one in a million, you couldn’t buy it at any price.
But of the 9.999 hundred thousand other possible loves,
Statistically, some of them would be equally nice.
Or maybe not as nice, but let’s say, smarter than you.
Or dumber, but better at sports. Or tracing. I’m just saying.
I really think I’d probably have somebody else. Yah.

and another great lyric:

Look, I’m not undervaluing what we’ve got when I say
That given the role chaos inevitably plays in the inherently flawed notion of fate,
It’s obtuse to deduce that I found my soul mate at the age of 17.
It’s just mathematically unlikely that at a university in Perth,
I happened to stumble on the one girl on earth specifically designed for me.

Back to the not-so-innocent conversation with the bomb-of-a-question. I stumbled my way through explaining that while I don’t believe in soul mates, I still think Mr. PC is swell, and can’t wait to marry him. But I couldn’t help but think that my friend’s look really meant, “Oh poor thing. You don’t know what love REALLY is. If you did, you’d believe in soul mates.” It was entirely too awkward and really put my sweat glands into overdrive.

I’d like to know, fair readers, do you believe in soul mates? Does your main squeeze share your opinion?

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47 Responses to “Soul What?”

1 2 3 

1.
egb
Member
egb (message)  1,864 posts, Buzzing bee

I’m with you! And with similar arguments… I mean, with all the people on Earth, what are the odds that your soulmate lives in the same area and that you actually get to meet?? Plus, what are the chances that soo many people do find their soulmates??

Nah, I prefer to think that we actually do get a choice on who we spend our lives with. And that with love and commitment, we make it through all the ups and downs because we want to; not because the universe decided that we’d be together.

 
2.
MJogan
Member
MJogan (message)  124 posts, Blushing bee

I love this post! We’ve had this conversation, too. We believe that there may be other people out there, but we CHOSE each other. We’re a good team. We will have an amazing life together. We have the same values, views on family, etc. We’re a good match, but we don’t believe that out of the billions on earth, there is only ONE person for everyone.

I think it helps keep everything in a healthy balance. While love is essential to a marriage, like you said, so is compromise, trust, and communication. It’s takes more than a gushy feeling to make a partnership last a lifetime!

Thank you for the post! I’m relieved to know we’re not the only ones who think this way!

 
3.
ktisthatbees
Member
ktisthatbees (message)  2,742 posts, Sugar bee

o.k. so I’m glad this is out in the blog osphere void, because, like you, I don’t believe in soul mates. Let me take a step back. Before I met my guy, I did, which was the problem. I kept waiting for a guy to come along who moved my solar system, never argued with me, and could read my every thought. I met the Mr. and you know what? I liked him, heck I really liked him, he was a pretty good looking guy, and you know what? that like grew to love and to commitment. It also grew to arguements and not understanding each others point of view and the occasional feeling that maybe he wasn’t the one meant for me.

then I got real. Get out of the fairy tale princess I told myself, cause real love isn’t solar system changing, it’s all the little sweet moments strung together with all the not so sweet (kind of want to strangle you) moments that make for a real love and a lasting marriage

Soul Mates? Not hardly . . .Growing old together? Most definitely. . .

 
4.
MsBrooklynA
Member
MsBrooklynA (message)  2,703 posts, Sugar bee

I do believe in soul mates. But I am ooshy gooshy and stuff like that :o) There are things about my SO that I just believe makes him what I was meant to have. He’s not perfect and neither am I and I believe more so that that is just human nature but does not make him any less than my soul mate. But I totally understand where your coming from!

I don’t think that all you need is love, there is a lot more to it than that but I think the way we have a deep rooted understanding of one another and a trust that i have never encountered in my life is just something more than just love. Just my opinion.

 
5.
CorgiTales
Member
CorgiTales (message)  9,901 posts, Bee Keeper

That song is AMAZING. I 100% agree with you. I don’t believe in cosmic strings pulling and tugging us in some direction against our free will at all. I believe in hard work and falling in love and shared experience and choosing– every single day even when some days it’d be easier to not– each other.

 
6.
Roux
Member
Roux (message)  1,356 posts, Bumble bee

OMG I love Tim Minchin!! maybe I’m biased because I’m an Aussie. By the way, we NEVER say ‘Throw another shrimp on the barbie’ unless we are taking the piss out of Americans, lol. We don’t even have shrimp here! We call them prawns!

I agree about the soul mate thing, don’t believe in them, Mr. Roux is not the only one for me, but I choose him, and he chooses me. :)

 
7.
Miss Biner
Member
Miss Biner (message)  1,101 posts, Bumble bee

Thanks for posting the lyrics! I hate missing out on videos on the bee thanks to my desk job!

I’m in a different camp though. I think you have lots of soul mates. My best friend in the entire world for example is just one!

 
8.
Arctic Tern
Member
Arctic Tern (message)  24 posts, Newbee

I have been informed by the Mr. that I am one in, approximately, 2,500 (approximately the number of female students at our undergraduate university throughout our four years there). So hey, that’s pretty cool!

But, in all seriousness, I’m not in to the whole sole mate idea. I like the idea of choosing the person you want to live with and knowing that’s why you’re together, and I am very, very happy that he and I chose each other to be with forever.

(On a side note, an overheard at the thrift store moment: a very sincere woman to her friend, “Oh honey, only a vampire can love you forever.” So there’s something to ponder.)

 
9.
Mrs. Pug
Bee
Mrs. Pug (message)  3,753 posts, Honey bee

awesome post! when i was younger i believed in “the one”, but not so much now. people constantly change over their lives, so i think what we can hope for is someone who can be with us, support and love us through all those changes, and not necessarily someone who fits you 100% in every single way. i just think that’s impossible.

 
10.
Miss Jellyfish
Bee
Miss Jellyfish (message)  1,450 posts, Bumble bee

I loved this post! I totally agree with you, and I’m pretty sure Mr. Jelly does too. No soulmates.

 
11.
Bee Icon
Bee
Miss Knitting (message)  1,072 posts, Bumble bee

This is a great post. Mr. K and I definintely don’t believe in soul mates either.

 
12.
Bee Icon
Bee
Mrs. Hamster (message)  4,046 posts, Honey bee

You’re reading my mind, Miss PC! I totally agree with you :)

 
13.
Member Icon
Member
Arachna (message)  1,267 posts, Bumble bee

Hell yes!

 
14.
lilyfaith
Member
lilyfaith (message)  5,478 posts, Bee Keeper

I’m with you! I don’t believe in souls, either (although let’s face it, it’s usually used metaphorically) so I guess that makes it hard to believe in a soulmate? I’m so happy to have ended up with my fiance, but it’s silly to think that had we not met each other we never would have found love. Marriage is a partnership, and there is more to it than silly predestination.

 
15.
emma5w
Member
emma5w (message)  547 posts, Busy bee

I agree with Mrs. Pug. I think that you have several soul mates throughout your life, and it’s all about finding the one that you want to be with through all of life’s ups and downs.

 
16.
Bee Icon
Bee
Miss Octopus (message)  1,446 posts, Bumble bee

Ha, the lyrics of that song really made me laugh! I don’t believe in soul mates. I think there are lots of other men out there that I could fall in love with, marry, and be happy. But I chose to make it work with Mr. O. In a way, I think two people deciding to choose each other is more romantic than ideas of fate or destiny.

 
17.
Rgeddy
Member
Rgeddy (message)  2,186 posts, Buzzing bee

in situations like that. sometimes I”ll answer Yes! even though I have reservations. It makes everyone less awkward and they don’t doubt your love for each other any less.

 
18.
Danish_Student
Member
Danish_Student (message)  396 posts, Helper bee

I’m with you on this one.

 
19.
bridgetjones2010
Member
bridgetjones2010 (message)  167 posts, Blushing bee

Loved this. I actually just sent the video to a couple of girlfriends who are getting over really rough breakups.

 
20.
rabbit
Member
rabbit (message)  1,542 posts, Bumble bee

When I was younger I thought I believed in soul mates, not any more. My FI feels the same way. We love each other and are committed to a life together. I am too pragmatic and have loved too much before to think that there is only one human being out there per person and that we’re likely to meet that one person in our lifetime.

Love the song! Thanks for introducing me to a new-to-me musician! :)

 
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Mrs. Pin Cushion
Mrs. Pin Cushion

Mrs. Pin Cushion, Oakland, CA Age and Occupation: 25, Nurse Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, PhD Student Engagement Date: November 23, 2008 Wedding Date: July 2010 Venue: Radonich Ranch, Los Gatos About Me: I'm the 3 Cs: crafty, creative and quirky (oh, that's not a C? Close enough!). I'm also a recycling fanatic, fluent in bad accents and I have the loudest laughter this side of the Mississippi. I have not just one sweet tooth, but a whole mouth full of sweet teeth. I cry at 97.4% of all movies I see, but my fiance's always there to hand me a tissue. My geek-chic fiance and I are planning a wedding full of color, cookies and handmade goodness and I can't wait to spill the beans on all of our crazy ideas!

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