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I was listening to my favorite morning radio show during my commute today, Karson and Kennedy, and they had a listener asking what she should do in regards to her wedding. The bride’s father offered to give the couple $25,000 to start off their lives together, if they went to the Justice of the Peace and did not have a reception. It was interesting to hear the listeners’ thoughts.
It was a total split—some said go for the wedding: it’s a once in a lifetime event, but others said go for the money. They had couples who had been married for years who looked back on their experiences and said whether or not they regretted going to the J.P. or having the big event.
I love questions like this, because it’s fun to hear both sides.
What would you do if someone said, “I’ll give you $25,000 to start your life together or you can have a big, over-the-top wedding”? Would it make a difference in the amount of money—say, if someone said, “instead of $25,000, I’ll give you $50,000 to skip the big reception, but you have to spend it on something else, like a down payment.”? Is there a dollar amount you’d take to skip the big day?
My parents actually did this. They said it was up to us whether we would like them to pay for a big wedding or elope and just take the money they had saved up. We opted for the wedding. In our case it worked out quite well because we received a large amount of cash gifts that almost matched what my parents were offering so it was a win/win. But even without the cash gifts I would have opted for the wedding. It was the best day of my life and I can’t imagine not having been surrounded by our friends and family at such a fun and love-filled event.
wow tough question. On the one hand $25,000 is a LOT of money and would certainly help with paying back student loans (damn you student loans!) and a down payment for a house. On the other hand, I have been dreaming about my wedding my whole life and I truly think that I would feel a little bit sad for the rest of my life that I never had those wonderful wedding memories that I had initially dreamed. Tough tough question. . .
Was an inexpensive wedding and you can take most of the money an option? I want my wedding, but an expensive wedding isn’t important to me. Spending the day in a state park with family would be fine.
In the situation i’m in now, I would have the wedding. We already have a sizeable nest egg to buy property, have great jobs and can afford to travel, and are quite stable and comfortable financially. We can *afford* to have a wedding. BUT - if I were younger, still in school, or we did not have the nest egg/make as much money, I would take the money. Stability comes before a big party, in my opinion. But that is an easy choice for me, since I am already stable! Our parents didn’t give us gobbs of money for our wedding - we are paying for most of it ourselves, so it was definitely a big choice.
I don’t know if there’s a dollar amount where I’d give up this wedding. I’ve really put my heart into it, and I’m really looking forward to celebrating with my family and friends.
I don’t think I could skip the big wedding- I completely see the sense in skipping it and taking the money… but it would break my heart a little. I’m curious what Mr. Thimble would say though…
if I hadn’t already started planning, I would have taken the money!! I love our wedding, but I am a poor post-grad! 
haha.
tough call. i’d easily go to the JoP but couldn’t commit to the promise of no reception - a wedding just isn’t a wedding without a celebration. i also think where your life position is depends as well. if you have a house, employment, kids, etc. i’d imagine many couples with kids already or with no house might opt for the money just because that may serve them better and create less financial stress. coming from the position of someone who had no children and already owned property when she was married, i would have chosen my dream wedding over $25k any day
My parents kind of did this. They told me that they would pay for a wedding or pay for grad school. [This was well before I met FI] I opted for them to keep saving for the wedding, and I took out loans to pay for grad school. You can take out loans for school, or for a house, but not for a wedding! Plus, I think it would have broken me a little bit to not to have a wedding and all the planning fun that goes with it!
We also had this offer. If I didn’t already own a home, I may have taken it. But in the end, we decided on the wedding.
I would probably take the money! We could always plan a big party afterwards with some of it, or with our money - and still celebrate with family and friends!
I don’t think I would have gone to the JP if this was the deal handed to me. I enjoyed every aspect of planning my destination wedding and in the end, I was so happy to have my friends and family around me to watch as my husband and I said our vows. Wouldn’t do it differently at all.
I absolutely loved my wedding! I think I would want to take the money, spend 15K on the wedding, and use the other 10K on a down payment. A wedding is a once in a lifetime celebration so I would always regret not having one.
I’d go somewhere in the middle — use a bit of it for a small wedding, then put the rest in savings!
My Dad offered me $5,000, but the funny thing is that we had already spent more than that when the money was offered! I don’t think I could take the money either nor do I think my parents would seriously offer it because in some ways they are more excited about the wedding and entertaining all of their friends!!
My dad will joke about giving me the money in a lump sum if I skip the wedding… but I know he would just die if he couldn’t walk me down the aisle. And I’d never choose to miss out on the opportunity to public make the lifelong commitment to my husband. I think sharing the day/commitment with those around you is vital to starting a life together. The people you surround yourseld with also need to be involved in the commitment, since one way or another they have and will impact you and your relationship in the future.
I was basically in this situation (only it wasn’t 25K, but 15K.) My parents gave my sister 15K the year before total for her wedding. They gave me the same amount (it all went and then some to catering) and we paid the rest.
I tried to convince the husband that we wanted a small intimate party, but he wanted a big party. So we actually had both (sort of.) We were legally married at our “rehearsal” dinner the night before the wedding by my sister in a park near our home. And then on Friday night we had another ceremony by the judge I clerked for (in the neighboring state) and the big party.
Knowing what I do now (that we would buy a house a few months after the wedding and that it would develop a ton of problems costing us boucoup bucks) I would push harder for a small wedding and spend my money elsewhere…but I really have no regrets.
I would take the money over the wedding, but it does seem odd that he’s bribing her to skip having a wedding. Did she say why? Maybe her dad figured it would cost him more money to have a wedding?
My price to have NO celebration at all would be pretty high… like maybe at least $50,00-100,000. But, if someone offered me $25,000 and said use it for life and just have a backyard bbq wedding, i’d be all over that. (In fact, if I thought my fam would be cool with it I’d prob skip most of the wedding stuff and have a backyard bbq anyways)
@MissChirpie: I missed the first part, so I dont know the reasoning. But some listeners suggested using some for a small wedding and save the rest, so I assume they could really do whatever they want wth it?
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Mrs. Starfish, Boston/Newport Age and Occupation: 25, Operations Assistant Fiance's Age and Occupation: 25, Sales Engagement Date: October 8, 2008 Wedding Date: October 2010 Venue: The Atlantic Beach Club About Me: I'm a perfectionist who is a planner at heart. I don't do well with surprises. I love planning, crafting, Newport RI, family and friends, and most importantly, Mr. Starfish---all of which will be big components in our October wedding in our favorite little city by the sea.
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