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Since we got engaged, every time I talk to my mom on the phone she asks, “Did you get an officiant yet?” I think she thinks if we don’t then it’s not official (is that true??) and we won’t be married. Well, 10 months into planning we FINALLY have the person who will marry us. No worries, Mom!
I didn’t expect that looking for an officiant would be much work. Neither Mr. Lobster nor I are particularly religious, we don’t belong to a church, but we wanted someone who would unite us in a meaningful way. We met with two officiants before we were set.
The first officiant we met with was perfectly fine. Nice, asked questions, but something was missing. I realized I wanted someone that was more experienced that could preside over the wedding ceremony and provide us with a sense of calm and unity with our guests.
Then we met Father Mark. Immediately he made us feel comfortable, joked around, had lots of personality but was not overbearing. For him to preside over our wedding, we’d have to attend 3 pre-marital sessions which would cover:
One of the funny things he asked us was for each of us to describe our previous relationships. Mr. Lobster and I looked at each other like, “Rut ro. Is there any one person I never told him/her about??” which is when Father Mark said to me, “If anything he says is a surprise, I want to know.” While there were a *couple* surprises, I kept my mouth shut. LOL.
It was interesting to listen to how Father Mark described our relationship and everything leading up to it. He commented on how I’m the oldest child marrying a youngest child and the pros/cons of that. He also mentioned how up until now, everything in the universe has sort of pushed us together, and made it so our relationship would continue to progress.
These were things I had never contemplated. Next time, we discuss the marriages in our families and learn how they have made us more compatible for each other. It’s nice to think that maybe we are actually meant for each other and it’s not just a coincidence. 
Would you participate in pre-marital sessions? What would you want to learn about your relationship with your SO?
My SO and I are doing pre-marital sessions. We come from a Christian based church and my father is a pastor. HOWEVER I do not want my father to officiate our wedding. I want him to have the ability to be a father and relax. So our head deacon who is also the husband of my youth leader AND a close friend of our family will officiate our wedding. So in lieu of this, he is doing pre-marital sessions for two reasons: #1, to get to know my SO better. He’s know me for 8 years but only known my SO for 1 year. #2, to train my SO to be the “head of household” and how to run the family without dominating and making me feel in significant. Some things we are learning are incredible and I do not regret the decision to take these sessions with him!! 
He sounds a wonderful officiant! Any chance you give us his contact information?!
I would definitely participate. We went through Pre-cana and it really helped us begin to think about why God brought us together, and what path we will take in the future. Its a great experience, that brings you closer before the wedding.
One of my brides told me, after she asked me to officiate her wedding - “I have the dress, I have the groom, I have the venue… we could totally get married right now!”
Finding the right officiant is hard! I’m glad you found one that works for you.
That’s so interesting! The idea of pre-marital sessions makes me kind of nervous, haha. I don’t know if we’ll be doing any or not!
that’s great you found someone you like. the discussions/topics you are going to cover sound really interesting–i actually would have loved to have done pre-marital sessions!
I’m an oldest child marrying a youngest child as well. I’d be interested to hear about the pros/cons about that!!
we plan on taking pre-marital counseling as well. i just want to make sure we’re all on the same page
I’d be interested in the pros/cons, too. I’m the oldest of three girls marrying the youngest of three boys…
We just finished a weekend of premarital counseling and loved it. Just reassured us about marrying each other.
@Miss Cardigan it made me nervous too but well worth it. Discussed lots of awkward subjects but they needed to get talked about so good in that respect.
[...] If Anything He Says is a Surprise… | Weddingbee [...]
Oooh surprises about Mr. Lobster’s past relationships!! Hope there wasn’t anything too scandalicious to be heard! We won’t be doing premarital counseling, but I definitely wouldn’t be opposed to it. Is it weird that I think it might actually be fun? Maybe I just like talking about my feelings too much, lol!
[...] If Anything He Says is a Surprise… | Weddingbee [...]
Funny he commented on you being the oldest child and Mr. Lobster being the youngest. According to Miss Seashell’s post today, that’s a really good thing!!! It’s funny you both mentioned it.
No pre-marital talk for us as we’ve have been through Hell together when our baby died, in my womb, at 8.5 months. I was perfectly healthy, Moose (the baby was healthy), and then, Moose was gone. He coached me through the delivery and we carried each other through the pain. Actually, we still do that. Anyway, since we’ve made it through that and came out stronger, no one can help us make our relationship any different or point out something because we do it to ourselves. We’re completely open and it’s wonderful (but I’d trade that openess for Moose in less than a heartbeat).
We are going to do premarital counseling, but not with the pastor who is officiating our wedding. Since our church is in NYC and we’re getting married in Oregon with a different pastor, we’re doing pre-marital counseling here. We’ll probably just have a conversation or something with whoever ends up officiating our wedding.
@Danielle: @melisandescott: Check out Miss Seashell’s post exactly on this topic! http://www.weddingbee.com/2010/06/16/first-born-middle-last-born-only-match/
@Miss Socks: haha nothing scandalous otherwise I would have definitely spoken up!
@fromcharleston: yes I saw that too! What great timing!
@TheFutureMcBride: I’m so sorry about your loss. It is great that you and your SO were able to cope through that and come out a stronger couple
There was just no other choice. We agreed we could let Moose’s loss take our relationship or we’d fight for it, so we took all the energy from our pain and hopelessness concerning Moose and refocused it on making our relationship stronger. It’s something that I think every couple needs to do.
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Mrs. Lobster, Brooklyn Age and Occupation: 29, Finance Girl Fiance's Age and Occupation: 33, Finance Boy Engagement Date: July 25, 2009 Wedding Date: August 2010 Venue: Stage 6 Steiner Studios About Me: I'm a New York-born, Virginia-bred girl who's found her way back to the big city. Mr. Lobster and I met in grad school and have been together ever since. I'm clueless about DIY but am an avid online shopper and love all things polka dots, stripes, and ruffles! When I'm not making wedding lists, you can find me looking for snacks, watching Gilmore Girls, or hanging out with Mr. Lobster and our new puppy Buddy! We are planning a fancy-pantsy Brooklyn wedding for a hot New York summer night which is sure to be a misadventure in the making.
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