Green Eyed Monster Rears its Head!

Green Eyed Monster Rears its Head!

June 21st, 2010 @ 11:02 am by Mrs. Knitting
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Haha, that’s a pretty goofy title for a not so goofy post.

Anyway, despite us both being raised Catholic and meeting in Catholic school, I’m not religious and Mr. Knitting is even more not religious. One might say we’re adamantly not religious. As a result, we will be having a civil ceremony. While I’m very happy with this and know that it’s absolutely the right choice for us, occasionally I get a bit jealous of church brides.

St. Michael’s Cathedral in Toronto

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St Basil’s Church (at the University of Toronto)

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I love the idea of getting married in a place that has such incredible meaning for an individual and to be married by a trusted priest, minister, rabbi… etc., seems like it would be really special. I am also a bit jealous that for religious people the marriage ceremony has a lot more meaning than it does for me. For me, the ceremony won’t really alter our relationship at all. For me, our marriage ceremony is a lovely moment to say we love each other and to promise to be together forever in front of our friends and family, but it won’t really fundamentally change anything for us. Our relationship is something that has been and will continue to be built and sustained over time with no one moment profoundly altering it. For us there will not be a moment of being bound by God, which I think must be so powerful for those that believe in such things.

Have you ever wished you believed in something you didn’t?

Tags: ceremony, religion, toronto |

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17 Responses to “Green Eyed Monster Rears its Head!”

Bee

Miss Cardigan (message) 8,645 posts, Bee Keeper

We are religious, but we’re not getting married in a church because we don’t really have a “home” church, and I didn’t want to just pick a random church to get married in. I definitely feel jealous of brides getting married in a church sometimes, because the ceremonies are just so beautiful!

6/21/10 @ 11:27 am (reply)

Member

redherring (message) 1,969 posts, Buzzing bee

I disagree that a secular ceremony is not a relationship-altering event. My fiance and I are both agnostic and will not have any religious component to our ceremony whatsoever. But I think there is something profound about gathering all of our friends together, looking one another in the eye, and declaring in front of everyone present that we will spend the rest of our lives together.

6/21/10 @ 11:28 am (reply)

Member

Brighteyes (message) 81 posts, Worker bee

My fiance and I both believe in something greater than ourselves, but do not belong to any particular organized religion. We have our own belief system based in being good people and loving and caring about our friends and families and trying to the be the best that we can be. We have found a gorgeous Unitarian church in the area that shares the same ideals, and though we are not members of the church or practicing members of the religion, we are having our ceremony in the church and couldn’t be more excited.

It’s a beautiful historical building, and we are able to bring in our own wedding officiant who is non-denominational and is creating a personalized ceremony for us. I think you can have your cake and eat it too in this circumstance.

Best of luck to you! I’m sure that the moment of exchanging vows of loving and being faithful to eachother forever in front of the people that mean the most to you will be a very powerful and beautiful moment for you both.

6/21/10 @ 11:30 am (reply)

Member

RachelR719 (message) 22 posts, Newbee

We are in the same situation, neither of us are religious. I’m finding that in search for locations it would just be easier if we were religious.
I’m also wondering how my overly religious relatives are going to feel when there’s no mention of God at all in our ceremony.

6/21/10 @ 11:31 am (reply)

Member

peachplum09 (message) 648 posts, Busy bee

Aw, I JUST had these thoughts this weekend when I went to a church wedding. I am completely in agreement with you and I’m glad I’m not the only one

6/21/10 @ 11:35 am (reply)

Guest

Amanda C.

Yes yes yes! My fiance and I are both Atheists and sometimes, just a little, I wish we could be in a beautiful, historically significant building that didn’t have anything to do with gods. BUT, I’d rather be a little jealous of a building than pretend I believe something I don’t. So, outside for us.

6/21/10 @ 11:40 am (reply)

Member

crayfish (message) 4,844 posts, Honey bee

I just photographed my friend’s Catholic wedding and had the same pangs of wishing that I believed in something God-like that would make my marriage “divine” rather than a civil ceremony. But, I don’t believe, and thus my wedding will have to be a beautiful ceremony showing our love and how much we are willing to committ and sacrifice to be with each other the rest of our lives - divine intervention or no!

6/21/10 @ 11:55 am (reply)

Guest

J-me

Ah yes, another “recovering Catholic”…I myself am one of those as well. I often thought about having a church ceremony, but found it would be A) Hypocritical, B) Unbelievable long and boring, and C) Totally traditional, of which we are not. We have been together for 5 years, we have 2 children together and have only just recently decided to “make it legal”. I have always dreamed of getting married outside either on a beach or on a mountain…we are getting married next Summer on a hill in the mountains overlooking a river. I don’t think you need a building to make your marriage significant…religious or otherwise. Go with what makes you happy…and since neither of you jumped on reserving the Priest, my guess is you really wouldn’t be happy being married in the church. Congrats on the Civil Ceremony…it will be just as meaningful, because it is still the joining of two people in marriage!

6/21/10 @ 12:02 pm (reply)

Member

Gilneas (message) 1,393 posts, Bumble bee

My fiance and I are both atheists. Our very secular wedding ceremony may not be a huge change in our lives, or solemnize our commitment before a god of some kind, but it is OUR commitment, and is still be a beautiful, meaningful, and life altering event. Even though we live together, have cats together, and, well, are actually already legally married.

A lack of God or faith in a wedding ceremony doesn’t make it any less real.

6/21/10 @ 12:32 pm (reply)

10.

Member

Tribble (message) 47 posts, Newbee

Don’t sell yourself and your wedding short. My best friend just married her boyfriend of 12 years about a month ago. They had been living together for most of those years and did not think that a “piece of paper” would change anything.

When I asked them about it just a few days ago they both said how different everything was. They are not religous in any meaning of the word and the ceremony only took three minutes, but they still feel a bond between them was built that day that was not there before.

Your wedding will be great. Don’t sell yourself short on the great meaning that you will get from the stating your love in front of your family and friends.

6/21/10 @ 12:47 pm (reply)

11.

Member

tweds (message) 448 posts, Helper bee

I’m Catholic and my fiance is best described as “nondenominational” and we’re getting married outside. There is something lovely and traditional about a church and all it represents, but to me nowhere feels more sacred and untainted than nature. I’m really looking forward to feeling God’s created elements around me as I profess my love and speak my vows! It truly is a very personal decision…to each their own…love made manifest makes a space sacred anyways in my opinion.

6/21/10 @ 12:53 pm (reply)

12.

Bee

Miss Knitting (message) 1,072 posts, Bumble bee

@Brighteyes: Sounds like you’ve found the perfect situation for yourselves!
@RachelR719: That’s something we’ll be dealing with as well. There’s definitely some denial going on at the moment…
@Amanda C.: I completely agree. Better to be jealous than to pretend.
@J-me: It’s true that getting married in a church really wouldn’t be authentic to us and our beliefs. we’re definitely very happy with our civil ceremony choice. Your wedding location sounds so beautiful!

6/21/10 @ 1:09 pm (reply)

13.

Member

kamydoo (message) 161 posts, Blushing bee

Just as a thought, think of all those Catholic brides who wish they could get married outdoors
We are doing a church wedding (though not Catholic) but I still swoon over photos from destination/outdoor weddings. The light is just so natural and I feel like the photos turn out better.
There are so many possibilities for beautiful weddings, that I sometimes have to remind myself that if I went with ALL of them, we’d need 5 ceremonies and 4 receptions and 6 sets of invitations… LOL…

6/21/10 @ 2:21 pm (reply)

14.

Bee

Miss Socks (message) 1,323 posts, Bumble bee

We’re also getting married via a civil ceremony, and while I’m not particularly jealous of getting married in a church, I am kind of jealous about the reaction family and friends had about my sister’s beautiful church wedding. A lot of people made comments about how special it was in a religious sense. Since we’re writing our own ceremony, I hope that people will see that our ceremony will be equally as special, if not in a religious sense.

6/21/10 @ 4:24 pm (reply)

15.

Member

jordynrose (message) 6,351 posts, Bee Keeper

I would love to get married in the big Catholic church in downtown Phoenix, but I am not willing to join a religion just for a venue.

6/21/10 @ 6:12 pm (reply)

16.

Bee

Miss Knitting (message) 1,072 posts, Bumble bee

@kamydoo: that’s a good point. i suspect a lot of people suffer froma bit of venue envy every so often.

6/21/10 @ 9:12 pm (reply)

17.

Member

kristindesigner (message) 53 posts, Worker bee

My fiance and I are Catholic, and while some may feel a long Catholic ceremony is boring, I am looking forward to savoring every moment of becoming his wife. The fact that it takes a long time just means it extends a wonderful moment!

It may be silly, but I have recently become jealous of Jewish brides because they get to have a chuppah. I just love the way you can customize it and make it look all drape-y and romantic! Plus, it kind of seems like a fun little fort you and your about-to-be-husband get to hang out in all by yourselves. Oh, but you have to let the rabbi in, don’t you?

6/21/10 @ 10:20 pm (reply)