I Vow… to Be Awkward

I Vow… to Be Awkward

June 29th, 2010 @ 1:22 pm by Mrs. Knitting
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While in private Mr. Knitting and I are often embarrassingly lovely dovey with each other, in public we’re not. We’re pretty private about our relationship and our feelings for each other. I’m also pretty WASPy in that I’m not too interested in talking about deep emotional stuff with lots of people in public—stiff upper lip and all that.

A nod to my WASP-iness in our bedroom:

As a result, the thought of standing up in front of 100 people and saying wedding vows is absolutely terrifying to me. Okay, terrifying is probably overkill, but it seems really awkward to me. I love Mr. Knitting more than anything and want to spend my life with him, but I don’t want to say that aloud to a whole bunch of people.

I can see how, in theory and for other people, it’s a really nice thing to do. My sister and her husband’s vows were wonderful and definitely a highlight of the night. It’s lovely to commit yourself to someone in front of all your favourite people and I’m really hoping that in the moment I’ll just feel so loved and supported that I won’t feel awkward.

We had a Toronto Weddingbee meet up in early June and one of the lovely ladies told us how she and her fiance (now husband) had decided to not do public vows and instead had chosen to exchange private letters. At first I thought this was a great solution for us, but then I realized that neither of us would take those letters seriously and they’d just be a big joke to us. Thus, we’ll be sticking with the public vows and I will just have to swallow my feelings of awkwardness.

Do you have any feelings of awkwardness over wedding vows?

Tags: ceremony, toronto |

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17 Responses to “I Vow… to Be Awkward”

Member

Curlysue (message) 1,703 posts, Bumble bee

I agree. I’m not sure I want to share my mushy side with all the guests either. I also think the personal vows that aren’t typical or I simply repeat after the officiate or say “I do” would cause me to burst into a bucket of tears—thus embarassing me even more!

6/29/10 @ 1:37 pm (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Snow (message) 916 posts, Busy bee

Yes x 10000. One thing that helped us were to use very traditional vows (instead of writing the personalized variety…I would have never made it). And we faced our officiant for most of the ceremony instead of each other (so we wouldn’t have to see all the people staring at us). I even avoided looking at ANYONE while I was walking down the aisle so as not to freak out.

And I drank a little champagne.

I still cried some during one of our readings, but after laserlocking on Mr. Snow and ignoring everyone else, we made it through the vows ok.

6/29/10 @ 1:41 pm (reply)

Member

OttawaBride2011 (message) 4,510 posts, Honey bee

Yes I feel really awkward about saying sentimental things in front of so many people. heck! I am even feeling weird about everyone looking at me while I walk down the aisle lol.

Anyways, I think what will help is saying the traditional vows, repeating after our minister, as opposed to sharing something really emotional and private that we wrote ourselves.

6/29/10 @ 1:57 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Cardigan (message) 8,645 posts, Bee Keeper

Yes! I have a feeling vows are going to be incredibly awkward - I hate, hate, hate crying in front of people, and I’m sure I’ll be bawling during our vows!

6/29/10 @ 2:06 pm (reply)

Member

Ms. E (message) 132 posts, Blushing bee

I have such a hard time being emotional in front of anyone but a tiny handful of people in my life. And I want our ceremony to be an emotional experience for me, but I just don’t know if I can do it with so many people there.

6/29/10 @ 2:27 pm (reply)

Member

Nexus-6 (message) 864 posts, Busy bee

I feel you! I was so worried about having to be open and emotional in front of everyone, that it drove me into therapy. I likened it to being forced to emotionally have sex on a stage, it was something private and wonderful that I wanted to share only with my husband.
We ended up having 2 ceremonies: a private one at city hall (the “real” one) and a public one at our reception for everyone else that was just for show, so our families didn’t feel excluded.
This may not be the route for everyone, but it worked for us.

Good luck!

6/29/10 @ 2:33 pm (reply)

Member

troubled (message) 2,829 posts, Sugar bee

Yup, I had the same feeling before hand. Turns out I barely could keep the water works under control (I’m not normally that expressive) so thank goodness we did a first look. But our vows we made our own style. Stayed fairly traditional but added touches of our own personal things that we thought weren’t overboard cutesy or pukey. We had gone over them days before with each other and just basically were smiley during our vows, I think it helped a lot that we had gone over them before hand to calm us down and think wow, this time isn’t practice.

6/29/10 @ 2:37 pm (reply)

Member

Ms. Purple (message) 527 posts, Busy bee

Ditto. i feel the exact same way. both my now husband and I stuck with traditional vows to avoid either of us breaking down emotionally too much. we basically kept personally vows for one another when we were alone. just so we could share the intimate moment of just it being us.

6/29/10 @ 2:40 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Octopus (message) 1,446 posts, Bumble bee

We are using a version of the traditional “to have and to hold” vows because I would be way too embarrassed to stand up and share my really intimate and personal feelings about Mr. Octo in front of all our guests. I totally hear you.

6/29/10 @ 2:57 pm (reply)

10.

Member

tweds (message) 448 posts, Helper bee

Abso-freakin’-lutely. I am doing the same as Ms O above me as I know I would be a crying, awkward mess…not pretty!

6/29/10 @ 5:37 pm (reply)

11.

Bee

Miss Socks (message) 1,323 posts, Bumble bee

Oh no! I hope you find a way to make both of you happy! Mr. Socks and I are looking forward to sharing our vows the most…we’ll probably be bawling like babies, but I don’t care! Good luck finding a way to express yourselves in a way you feel comfortable with!

6/29/10 @ 9:41 pm (reply)

12.

Member

Merry02 (message) 428 posts, Helper bee

I’m SO with you! We are definitely the same way - mushy at home, but shy away from showing affection in front of others. I was terrified about the ceremony, mostly because I thought I’d lose it and start bawling. I teared up on the walk down the aisle and spent the first part of the ceremony trying desperately not to cry. In the end, I’m so glad we did have the ceremony in front of family and friends, and it wasn’t nearly as difficult as I thought it would be.

6/30/10 @ 12:50 am (reply)

13.

Member

violarulz (message) 142 posts, Blushing bee

we’re OK with mild snuggling, little kisses, and holding hands in public, but verbal PDA makes us both twitch. We’re more “love you, bye” kinda people when we’re talking than gushing-devotionals kinda people.

last week, our assignment from our rabbi was to write a letter to each other about why we loved and wanted to marry each other (with the caveat that he’d be reading them before exchanging them). It was an interesting exercise, and we both started with lists with 15-25 things before adding/combining them into cohesive letters of about a page and 1/2 each.

Is your officiant asking you to do something similar? Maybe it would help and give them fodder for talking, so that you don’t have to! That’s how we’re rolling with it. The only things we’re saying to each other are the words in a traditional Jewish ceremony.

6/30/10 @ 12:57 am (reply)

14.

Member

xLailax (message) 414 posts, Helper bee

Nice King George propaganda print! I have one in a saffron yellow color…LURVE IT

6/30/10 @ 9:01 pm (reply)

15.

Guest

Clair (wedding-inspiration.com)

i feel so relieved - totally agree with you, as much as I really want to get married, standing up in front of everyone does make me feel a little awkward!

Maybe some dr bach rescue remedy (or champagne) will stop all nerves!

7/1/10 @ 3:38 am (reply)

16.

Member

lindseyrose (message) 130 posts, Blushing bee

I was totally against doing personal, lovey dovey vows at our wedding because I also felt so stinkin’ self conscious and I knew I would cry. So, instead, my husband and I both wrote a little “What I Love About (other person’s name)” paragraph and put it the program. That way, people our friends and family got to “see” some feelings and emotion, without us being an awkward mess up front. Win!

We also did the usual “repeat after me” vows, but I added a few things… Like a line from one of our favorite books that says, “Our of 6 billion people on this planet, I choose you.” It was a good mix

7/1/10 @ 2:03 pm (reply)

17.

Guest

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9/15/10 @ 1:15 pm (reply)