Oh, Jealousy

Oh, Jealousy

July 1st, 2010 @ 1:23 pm by Mrs. Seashell
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I recently read a blog post by a friend who attended her first wedding since her own marriage. She talked about how nice it was to sit back and soak in the day without frantically trying to “take notes” and steal ideas for her own wedding day. She said it was a great experience to be able to relax and truly enjoy the evening.

I was struck by her outlook. I hope that this is my ongoing experience, but frankly, I’m prepared for some mixed emotions. It’s not pretty, but I’m aware that I may feel pangs of a little thing called JEALOUSY. Jealous of a perfectly executed detail I wished I’d incorporated. Jealous of a font I hadn’t discovered. Jealous of an adorable favor. Jealous of a song that conveys a feeling more perfectly than one I used. Jealous of some amazing trend that simply didn’t exist in 2010.

And it’s not just the after thoughts or the small things.

Brides are bound to experience jealousy at all phases of their planning process. It’s one of those things you have to accept. Someone will always have a more forgiving budget, a more sparkly ring, more thoughtful details, a better tasting cake, or just bigger, better, more something…

From a clinical standpoint, it is hard not to compare. We do it all the time. It’s natural. When we don’t understand something we explain it through comparison and metaphor. “Well, it’s kind of like this…” But when we do it to ourselves, it gets into more difficult emotional territory. We make value judgments, we tear ourselves and others down, we second guess our choices, and we ultimately do nothing positive.

I genuinely look forward to attending weddings after my own. And I hope that I will enjoy them without the knee-jerk reaction to hold my wedding as a means of comparison. Do you share my fear? Moreover, isn’t there an immense amount of pressure on brides these days?

Tags: emotional, providence |

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18 Responses to “Oh, Jealousy”

Member

moderndaisy (message) 6,607 posts, Bee Keeper

I attended a wedding this past Saturday that was two weeks after my own. I found that I was able to appreciate all the details a lot more than I would have if I hadn’t just been married. I also was a little ‘jealous’ about how all of their ideas flowed so perfectly together as a common theme throughout the day. I felt like my wedding was more of a mishmash of (wonderful) things.

7/1/10 @ 1:34 pm (reply)

Member

moderndaisy (message) 6,607 posts, Bee Keeper

Oh!! And this couple actually had attended our wedding and at our wedding said they LOVED our guestbook idea and they were going to steal it. And they did!!

**We bought a black and white coffee table book of NYC and bought silver paint markers for guests to sign with. It was a HUGE hit!**

7/1/10 @ 1:36 pm (reply)

Member

CorgiTales (message) 9,861 posts, Bee Keeper

Eh… I’m not worried about that. I’m not generally one prone to jealousy, and I’m very aware that no one cares about the details of my wedding like I do. I really believe that when all is said and done I will be thrilled I did it and thrilled it is over.

7/1/10 @ 1:43 pm (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Hamster (message) 4,046 posts, Honey bee

I dunno if I was jealous, but I do know that I LOVED attending weddings when I was engaged because I appreciated all the details and effort that the bride (and sometimes the groom) put into everything!

7/1/10 @ 2:03 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Cardigan (message) 8,645 posts, Bee Keeper

I could definitely see myself feeling jealous of the details I forgot or didn’t think of! But at the same time, I think I will be feeling very relieved that I don’t have to do all that planning anymore!

7/1/10 @ 2:04 pm (reply)

Member

sunnydebs (message) 784 posts, Busy bee

Oh I TOTALLY understand. I’m even jealous now (before my wedding has even happened) because we’re too far in the planning to copy ideas and change anything now.

7/1/10 @ 2:15 pm (reply)

Member

winter (message) 1,333 posts, Bumble bee

hahaha yeah i understand the jealousy concept!

7/1/10 @ 2:19 pm (reply)

Member

camrie (message) 3,044 posts, Sugar bee

My FI cousin is getting married the month after us. I think I’ll be able to enjoy having a good time without having to have planned and stressed or lifted a finger.

I’m actually really glad it’s after ours so I don’t have to “take notes” or stress about what I can add at the last minute. I know theirs is going to be a nice party so it’ll be nice to just show up and have a good time.

7/1/10 @ 2:32 pm (reply)

Member

cr6zy (message) 1,187 posts, Bumble bee

i love going through photgraphers website, i can steal ideas from other brides and totally get away with it!

7/1/10 @ 2:58 pm (reply)

10.

Member

verosara (message) 1,386 posts, Bumble bee

Ha! I totally get this, and I’m about to attend my cousin’s wedding this Saturday, (3 months after mine), and I really do not want to compare, but like you mentioned, it’s tough to avoid. It is exciting though that this will be the first wedding where I don’t have to get up for the bouquet toss!

7/1/10 @ 2:58 pm (reply)

11.

Guest

Jess

I get anxiety over the jealousy! It’s so bad that until today (7 months after my wedding) I haven’t even read a post on Weddingbee!!!

For me, it’s more about the fact that I spent a fortune on a wedding planner that ended up not doing ANYTHING for my wedding… things were forgotten (like my flowers… and my ride home!)… things weren’t set up or were thrown together (like my centerpieces)… things weren’t ordered properly (like my MISMATCHED table cloths that were all different lengths and shades)… and things weren’t organized (like timing/schedules so photo ops were missed).

Now every time I go to a wedding, or I read about one, it makes me so jealous. I want to go back and do it again. I put so much work into my wedding and I feel like it ended up looking like it was thrown together the night before! I have friends and family getting married and I don’t even like to pass along cool wedding ideas because I’m so afraid that I will plan their weddings better than I did my own!

Jealous is a terrible trait… and I am still working so hard to get past it… but I totally understand how you feel (obviously for different reasons, but it’s still jealousy nonetheless)…

7/1/10 @ 3:40 pm (reply)

12.

Guest

Meg

I thought I was the only one! I got married a year ago and just attended a friend’s wedding last week and another on this week, two in September and one in November! Whew! I tried on bridesmaids dresses for the September wedding and couldn’t help but wish I could have chosen another wedding gown, and more bridesmaid dresses, different colors, different details and have a whole other wedding! (Same hubby of course). Wedding jealousy, I feel guilty but yes, I know this feeling well.

7/1/10 @ 4:00 pm (reply)

13.

Member

MOHmama (message) 404 posts, Helper bee

I know exactly what you’re talking about!! We were really the first of our friends to get married. And all the other weddings that we attended before, we were not even adults, and they were all family weddings that weren’t even complete weddings…just Chinese 10-course banquet, no ceremony type of weddings. Needless to say, I had no idea about weddings. If I had known anything, I think about 75% of it would have been different. No regrets of course. I didn’t have any stress out moments, and we’re celebrating our 5-year anniversary in August!! Maybe we’ll have some type of wedding vow renewal ceremony one day and can put some missed opportunities from our wedding day.

7/1/10 @ 6:17 pm (reply)

14.

Member

jmax (message) 104 posts, Blushing bee

I have the same fear!! I am so glad you brought this up! I don’t attend a lot of weddings, partially because I was jealous of the bride because I wasn’t engaged to my long-term boyfriend. Now that we’ll be married for the next wedding we attend, I am SURE I will be observing the details more closely, and as well as appreciating the work more than I have in the past, I am sure I will wish I had whatever they had. Ugh, such anxiety.

7/1/10 @ 7:37 pm (reply)

15.

Member

Merry02 (message) 428 posts, Helper bee

I’m so with you! We just got married less than three weeks ago, and are attending our first post-marriage wedding in three weeks. Although I’m excited to have our planning over, there is a little part of me that thinks I might be jealous because I had SO.MUCH.FUN. on our wedding day, and I’d love to do it all over again! Crazy considering I didn’t really like most of the planning…

7/1/10 @ 9:49 pm (reply)

16.

Member

AnamCara (message) 1,135 posts, Bumble bee

We went to a wedding the week after ours. It was definitely fancier (our reception was in a hall, theirs was in a hotel) and had some lovely details but mostly I just took away that I was really happy with our wedding. Really happy. I wouldn’t have traded our music, our flowers, the dresses, the reception space, the food - anything. And it was nice to go to a wedding so soon after - we hadn’t seen a lot of friends since we got married abroad so there were lots of congratulations AND it was faboo to be there with my husband. Not my BF or FI :0)

7/2/10 @ 5:47 am (reply)

17.

Bee

Miss Jellyfish (message) 1,450 posts, Bumble bee

I’m worried about the same thing. A friend of mine is getting married a couple weeks after me and she has a huge budget, so I know her wedding will be top notch. I hope it doesn’t make me feel like mine was less than amazing.

7/5/10 @ 12:58 pm (reply)

18.

Member

sessaj (message) 313 posts, Helper bee

I’m afraid of this too, so nice to hear it’s not just me!

Our wedding is less than 3 months away, so we’re focusing on little details now. I’m worried that we’ll choose something and a few weeks before find something else we like better, but it’ll be too late. I seem to find things I LOVE and then second guess myself, so I end up looking at websites for every possible alternative to convince myself there’s nothing I like more than X.

Maybe I should start a specific thread to share details/idea we’ve discovered/seen/created that were different or not mainstream to help with this one!

7/30/10 @ 12:59 pm (reply)