Weddingbee Blog

Today I want to talk about “kicking out” a member of your bridal party. It’s a pretty touchy subject, and it’s not really a fun one to talk about, but I’ve got some experience in this area and I’m hoping that what I’ve gone through is something that someone else out there can relate to!

Mr. Cardigan and I have a pretty long engagement, as we all know. By the time we get married, we will have been engaged for 16 months - that’s a long time! When we first got engaged, we were so incredibly excited - you know, all that mushy love-stuff was clouding our judgment and we thought life was all rainbows and happiness.

In our sheer joy, we wanted to ask our dear friends to be in our bridal party as soon as possible. We knew it was early, but we love our friends and we were feeling enthusiastic. I asked Sister Cardy and my best friend, BM Audrey, and Mr. C planned to ask FBIL Cardy and one of our friends - we’ll call him Joe.

I’ve been friends with Joe (and his family) on and off for almost 10 years now (yes, I said on and off. Warning sign, no?). He was my best friend for a very long time, and despite the ups and downs we’ve gone through, our friendship had persevered.

Mr. C met Joe (and Joe’s family) about 3 years ago, and they immediately hit it off. Mr. Cardigan got along so well with Joe and I absolutely loved that. They bonded quickly, and it made me so happy to see two guys that I cared about getting along so well.

So, when we got engaged, it seemed only natural that Joe would be a part of our wedding party. I seriously considered asking him myself, but I already had more people than Mr. C did, so we figured he could stand on his side to even things out. Mr. C asked him, he said yes, and we were all extremely happy.

Well, then things changed.

(Source) Anyone else love the Bernstein bears as much as me?!

Joe’s family was going through a lot of drama at the time we asked him to be a part of our wedding party. A lot. It was extremely difficult for Mr. Cardigan and I to see Joe and his family going through this, because we love them all dearly and hated to see them suffer. However, it was becoming very obvious very quickly that a major family rift was coming - and Mr. C and I were expected to choose a side. Joe assumed we agreed with him, and to be honest, for a long time we had.

However, Mr. Cardigan and I had started to realize that maybe Joe and his family weren’t completely in the right - another family member was being treated unfairly, and I could really relate to what he was going through. It finally got to a point where I couldn’t pretend like I agreed with Joe any longer - it pained me to see his family member being treated so badly, and I had to speak up.

That didn’t really go over so well. I tried to explain to Joe that while I didn’t agree with his perspective, that didn’t mean I was taking the other family member’s side - I don’t like taking sides! Both sides of the family had been wrong at one point or another, and I wanted to be Switzerland. I love both of them, and I didn’t think it was fair to make me choose between them. However, Joe told me that it was him or this other family member, and I had to make my choice.

I didn’t choose Joe. This was an extremely difficult decision for me to make, and for days afterwards I walked around feeling like this:

(Source)

It was absolutely heartbreaking to know that Joe and I have had our final friendship “break-up” - there isn’t any coming back from this one. But you know what? I know without a doubt that I made the right decision. I am still good friends with the other family member, and both Mr. Cardy are glad that we stood up for what we felt was right.

So, needless to say, after this falling out, Mr. Cardigan was down a groomsman. It really beat him up, and it took him months to decide what he was going to do about it. It pained him to talk about it, and he was extremely upset about the loss of such a good friend. In the end, he decided to ask another close friend (BM Audrey’s husband) to be his groomsman.

To be honest, looking back on all that we’ve been through, I feel like it was actually a blessing in disguise. My relationship with Joe was dysfunctional, at best. As close as we were, I never felt like I could truly be myself around him or be completely honest with him because I knew he would judge me or start a huge fight (case in point: the entire story I just told you). There are times when I miss Joe and his friendship, but overall I feel like I made the best possible decision, and to be completely frank, my life is now a lot less drama filled.

So, my advice to anyone with a long engagement: Wait to ask your bridal party. After all that Joe and I had been through, Mr. C and I thought that our friendship was invincible. We thought that we had moved past all of the silly drama and pettiness and that we would be friends forever. Wrong!

Did anyone else have a falling out with someone in your bridal party? How did it turn out for you?