Weddingbee Blog

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Not that long ago, living together before marriage was largely regarded as highly rebellious. In many circles it still is. But what’s changed is that cohabitation 20 or 30 years ago was a revolt against marriage, and today it is typically a step in the process toward marriage. How often are we doing it? Statistics suggest that the number of couples that live together before marriage today is around 50%.

When Mr. Seashell and I began apartment hunting back in June 2008 (after just a mere 6 months of dating - which now sounds insane) Mama Seashell wasn’t thrilled. Interestingly, the first thing she said wasn’t that it was completely ridiculous since we’d just met, but her sentiment was: “I really thought you were someone who cared more about getting married.” She was speaking to the heavily publicized statistics that couples that cohabitate are doomed to two realities: they will never marry (or suffer a heavily delayed engagement), and they risk a substantially more likely divorce. I do agree that couples who live together for a long period of time without clear, mutually agreed upon vision of when marriage will occur do risk a delayed engagement. I hate the “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” analogy, but it does have some merit here. The statistic that I do want to speak to is that couples who live together before marriage are doomed to a higher divorce rate. I have good news for those of us living in sin:

If you have only lived with your husband/wife before marriage your likelihood of divorce is actually LOWER! In fact, the number is 28% versus 50% as compared to the general population.

What’s that you say, Miss Seashell? This means that serial cohabitators do run a higher divorce risk. They are the ones that have been driving the statistics up. Think about it, it makes sense. People who have lived with multiple partners are used to moving in, breaking up, moving out, and starting over. Those are the ones who are statistically at risk.

Now, I’m not saying that living together before marriage is right for everyone. I can respect that sharing a home and a bedroom is something that many couples value until after they have exchanged vows. But it was the right decision for me and Mr. Seashell. And yet, if we had broken up at any point since moving in together I can recognize that it would have felt much more like a divorce than a breakup. It’s a risky endeavor, but we were both intensely confident that living together was a single step in a larger process.

Did you live with your fiance before marriage? What factors went into the decision?