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Or, as I like to call it: EGLP. We’ve all heard of it. You have a guest list set and you’re just trucking along in your planning, happy to finally have a set number of people and not have to worry any more about who you will or will not be inviting.
Then, you get ready to send out your STDs (or invites, whatever), and someone goes “Oh! So-and-so isn’t on the guest list? They have to be invited.” and then someone else goes “Oh my goodness, I can’t believe we forgot so-and-so. We have to add them, plus their three kids and their kids’ neighbors, and their best friend’s hairdresser.”
Okay, so maybe it’s not that ridiculous, but you get my point. Our guest list seems to have gone from this:
to this:
(Source)
in a matter of weeks. Before we ordered our STDs, we were sitting at right about 85 for our A list, and about 105 if we included everyone. Now? We are pretty much committed to inviting at least 120. Possibly more.
HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?
Well, the people that your mom (and FMIL) originally told you didn’t need to be invited suddenly HAVE to be invited or they’ll never speak to you again. And your FMIL randomly has about 8 new friends (and spouses of friends) that she absolutely cannot imagine not having at the wedding. And all the while I am just sitting here quietly, adding name after name to my Excel spreadsheet and watching the numbers rise, all while having a minor heart attack. I think we’ve finally settled on a final amount of guests, and I’m just praying that no one remembers anyone else who needs to be added at this point.
Once our Save the Dates go out there will be NO MORE ADDITIONS TO THE GUEST LIST. At all. None. I am going to tell my mom that it’s the absolute worst etiquette faux-pas in the world to not send someone an STD and then invite them. She’ll believe me… she doesn’t know much about weddings. 
Did you experience EGLP? How did you deal with it? Any tips for me?
Yup. And we absolutely added ppl that were not on the Save The Date list when we sent out invites. Hahha.
Mine is soo opposite….I have gone over time and time again the guest list with my parents. Then once I have all the labels stuck on the envelope and call her to make sure “I” haven’t forgot any she goes awol because I invited so and so..What the heck! It didn’t make any difference two months ago…but now the invites are out and my parents are pissed…..
The same thing happened to us. There were MIL tears at one…or two (or more) points about people that “absolutely had” to come. And the consolation that “they’ll give you a nice gift” was lost on me — I wanted a small wedding! 
We set a cut-off date, much like you are. Once we made it clear that there weren’t any more invites going out (and believe me, it was challenged) we were pretty much in the clear.
I sure did experience EGLP! We have some aunts/uncles that we aren’t very close with but we HAVE to invite them and forgot about them (oops!) until a couple of months ago.
Then FMIL says, we have to add so-and-so. They probably won’t come but we must!
I think it just happens.. I’ve dealt with it alright because I am sure many of the “add-ons” won’t come. If they do, it’s time to just shrug the shoulders because there isn’t much I can do that wouldn’t upset the FMIL or Fiance! The budget is blown anyways…
I know exactly how you feel. My fiance has an idea as to who he wants to invite and no one else. But I have a large family (my dad is the baby of 13) and I kind of knew I had to invite everyone. I wanted to keep it as small and intimate as possible but I also knew there would be some hurt feelings if I didn’t invite everyone. A little stressful since it gets expensive.
OMG …Thank god for this website… time and time again it lets me feel NORMAL lol.
Our guest list indeed went from something intimate with only a few people ( 80) to exploding to somethng ridiculous…i am almost embarrassed to say that we are inviting nearly 200 people 
Eeek..!!!
Oh good Lord girlfriend, I feel you. When the guest list hit 185, my mom was suggesting that it become just a “family wedding”–ie, that I could not invite any of MY OWN FRIENDS. The guest list is now at 205 due to the additions of rando distant relatives. Family wedding indeed.
The latest drama was that my grandma invited this extremely senile friend of hers to my bridal shower–like, so senile that she had no idea who I was, could not remember from one minute to the next that I was the bride, didn’t recognize/couldn’t tell the difference between any of my aunts, etc. She kept announcing that she wanted to be invited to the wedding, and my mom was like, “well, you have to invite Betty now!” I mean, obviously she won’t come, but just no. I just do not have it in me to address another envelope, buy more stamps, whatever, to send an invite to a friend of my grandmother’s who will not even understand who sent it to her. Nope. Sorry.
I feel you. We didn’t want to invite any more than 100 people, and now we have officially invite 135. My mother is mostly to blame. She keeps pouting about how she feels badly that we didn’t invite so and so. It’s so annoying. She plays the gift card too, I can’t stand it. So far 94 people have accepted and we are waiting to her from 27 more people. So we are looking at a potential guest list of 121. It makes me so mad to think about.
@Miss Octopus: My step-dad’s mom was like that at my shower! I was really embarrassed when she asked me if I was marrying her son (my step-dad)! And she couldn’t stop loudly asking who I was and what she was doing there.
In my experience, well shall i for people’s wedding’s i’ve been a part of, when you set a budget based on what YOU can pay and then tell whoever is adding to the pile “okay, it will cost you $65 per person for these extra people,” usually that helps put things in perspective. When I do get married, i know my family will have a huge complaining fest if i don’t invite their millions of friends who in some way are a part of my life. So, i’ve decided if i can pay for 75 and my mom and grandmother want an additional 50, i will calculate that and hand them the bill! Hey…money talks! But, seriously…asking people to help pay usually helps a lot! 
This was one of the most stressful parts of planning for me. Much to my surprise, everything worked out perfectly, and even though I thought we invited way too many people, we ended up with 5 less than my original cap. We had a LOT of out of towners invited, so I think we had a higher than normal decline rate.
My strategy was pretty simple… told my parents and my FIL’s to write their list in order of importance. The people at the top of the list were the most important, and the people at the bottom were the least important. Then, once the lists were handed in, if I had to make cuts, it was from the bottom up. Sounds a little ruthless, but we’re not made of money, and guest list size is hugely important.
OH BOY I am all too familiar with EGLP!! Seriously back in march FMIL approaches us and says we need to cut down our numbers and we were like look you are the only one with high numbers so you need to cut them! So then she cuts 10 people but then adds 10 other people!! So we were back to the beginning! We invited a little over 200 and so far we have 107 coming. We still havent heard from several people, but Im really not worried! Having people fly from out of town AND have to rent a car to get to where we are has really made it difficult for people so it cut our numbers down A LOT. I worried so much about EGLP but now not so much!
Oh man, I’m so concerned about this. Our guest list right now is holding steady, but I’m at the point where I’m just praying people RSVP “no”. We had a possible solution pop up recently when my aunt offered to leave her children at home, for which I shall be eternally grateful.
We wanted a smal wedding. 49 people was the maximum capacity on the schooner that we both loved.
Unfortunately, we both have big families, so it wasn’t a realistic dream to stick to our 49 person guest list.
We started out with 120 guests on the list. Too many for a schooner, but there are plenty of lovely venues out there. We chose a venue that had a maximum COMFORTABLE capacity of 150 - perfect, right? JUST in case any EGLP started to happen!
Well, we sent the lists to the moms to review. My mom added 3 people, guiltily. FI’s mom added 22. Okay, we’re up to 145… but our place holds 150, so we should still be okay, especially if anyone declines!
We counted up the number of invitations we’d need (looking at households), and saw that we needed 65 invitations. We ordered 75, JUST in case we messed something up. We sent our Save the Dates.
No sooner is our invitation order placed, I get an email from FMIL adding a few more households. Now we’re at 152… and short on invitations!? GRRR…
Fast forward to last week. We sent out our invitations on Tuesday… then attended a “summer bbq” at FMIL’s house. Friends, family, friends of family, all chattering on about whose RSVP we’d get back first. FMIL’s friends R&M ask us about our honeymoon, where we’re heading, etc. I realize, hmmm…. R&M were not on the list from FMIL! Not the first list.. .OR the second list.
FI approaches, pats R on the back and says “R! M! Did you guys get your invitation?!” My heart sinks. “Well you should have, we sent them out on Tuesday!” continues FI… I have the deer in headlights look, then quickly compose myself and say “well, if you haven’t gotten it already, let me double check the address we had for you…” Phew, good cover, but now one more invitation needs to be sent.
RSVP date is 8/24. We officially have 156 on our EGL. NO MORE. PLEASE!
hahaha i know this sounds harsh but i told my dad if you give me the money per person than i will invite them =P but just remember that alot of people will not be able to attend i heard atleast 10% usually. that’s what happened to us. i had 120 and only wanted 100 and i got 107 so i know that you wanted wayyyyy less but maybe it will turn out for the best? good luck
I know this all too well! lol. Every. Single. Day. My FMIL texts or emails me with names to go o the list. All of them are on the B List though (which I hate btw, but can’t help). We started with wanting 150. We’re now at 235….
Doesn’t everyone have this happen? Sigh. I just started putting together my “budget” post and I can pin absolutely everything on EGLP. It makes me wish I picked a smaller venue and didn’t send out STDs because then I could really stick our parents’ feet to the fire. 
It’s hard to balance both being reasonable to your families’ requests (after all they want to show you guys off) and managing your original vision and budget! Wish I had better advice for you but i feel your pain.
Thank you Miss Cardigan! Its so re-assuring to hear your story and others to see that this happens to most people! We initially wanted a list of 120 - and we started with a list of like 150-160, but then there were so many additions from our families.
In fact, one family member who was adding people was insisting we invite someone, then minutes later saying they did not even want to see them and have to make small talk! What do we do with that?!
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Mrs. Cardigan, Austin Age and Occupation: 21, Student/Soon-to-be Special Education Teacher Fiance's Age and Occupation: 20, Student/Soon-to-be Accounting Systems Analyst Engagement Date: August 16, 2009 Wedding Date: January 2011 Venue: Vintage Villas About Me: I'm a native Austinite who was raised as a die-hard Aggie. Luckily, I'm a pretty persuasive girl because I managed to convince my high school boyfriend (now fiance!), Mr. Cardigan, to ditch his hardcore Longhorn ways and join me up at A&M, where we currently reside with our adorable dogs, Cullen & Ranger. We're currently planning a bright, cheery wedding with a ridiculous amount of DIY projects that I can't wait to tackle! I love crafting in any form, reading, and margaritas (I think I love them the most!). Organization is what keeps me sane and I love helping others, which is probably why I ended up as an education major. It gets a little chaotic sometimes when you're planning a wedding among all of the papers, projects, finals, and certification exams, but we're having the time of our lives and we can't wait to get started on our journey as husband and wife - and we're so excited to share our wedding with the hive!
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