A Bridal Party Predicament…

A Bridal Party Predicament…

July 19th, 2010 @ 4:56 pm by Mrs. Locket
Share

This past March I was hit with some bummer news. I wasn’t completely blindsided by it because for some time I had seen this problem coming, but I kept secretly hoping it might go away. The problem was that one of my bridesmaids, “S” had just gotten into grad school. YIPPEEE! The downside to this exciting news was that grad school was in London. Which meant “S” couldn’t guarantee she would be able to make it to our wedding and could no longer promise to be part of the bridal party. I had a giant mix of emotions because I was happy for her, but super bummed because I really wanted her to be part of my big day.

Needless to say, this created a mini-dilemma. Should I have found someone to replace her? Or should I just stick to having 3 gals in my bridal party? The trouble with sticking to just 3 girls was that I had to play with their titles.

The thing was that I originally planned to have 2 MOHs (Sister Locket, and BFF “A”) and 2 bridesmaids (“C” and “S”). Losing a BM left me thinking it would not seem right to have 2 MOHs and 1 bridesmaid.

It could leave one girl feeling under appreciated and perhaps left out. I have heard of some brides with smaller parties naming all of their attendants honor attendants to alleviate any tension. I ended up making the tough decision and demoted Sister Locket to Sister of the Bride. I was super worried that she would be upset, but she was okay with it and understood my reasoning (I think part of her was relieved too, she wasn’t much for helping out with wedding duties).

What would you have done in my situation? Have you had any bridesmaids drop out of your wedding?

Tags: emotional, ithaca |

Share |

Latest Gallery Pics

Hot Pink and White with Zebra 36" Lighted Spandex Ostrich Feather Centerpiece

22 Responses to “A Bridal Party Predicament…”

1 2 Last

Member

missbeaglelove (message) 154 posts, Blushing bee

I started with 5 BM’s and just this past week 2 of them dropped out, & I have 3 weeks to go! You can bet I was emotional, not mad, but sad they didn’t want to be a part of it. They didn’t have a good reason like your’s with grad school. They just said they could care less if they were in it or not. Bummer huh? I had 2 MOH’s too so I still don’t know what to do about that. I don’t know if I could take the MOH title away from one of them. It also sucks that I already had my programs made, so I have to make 125 new ones!

7/19/10 @ 5:07 pm (reply)

Member

bklynldy (message) 186 posts, Blushing bee

I would have left my sister as MOH and demoted the BFF or promoted the other friend and maid all honor atendents — sorry my feeling is blood is thicker than water

7/19/10 @ 5:14 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Locket (message) 2,837 posts, Sugar bee

@bklynldy: Honestly it was a tough call demoting my sister, but a lot of it had to do with her overall lack of interest in the whole wedding planning thing and my BFF is like another sister to me and has been there for me more than my own sis has at times. I also felt because MOH “A” had been the one helping me with everything and planning the parties that she really deserved the honor. Sister Locket wasn’t so much interested and even though she loved me and I love her we both know that “A” was more deserving.

7/19/10 @ 5:22 pm (reply)

Member

Miss Britt (message) 915 posts, Busy bee

I had one drop out…but I just had 3 bridesmaids and a maid of honor. So, I was down to 2 bridesmaids and a made of honor.

I really tried not to get too hung up on the titles. I really felt like it doesn’t ultimately matter, and for us it was to know who was going to give speeches and who would make the best MOH as far as organization and stuff like that. I would have felt bad having two maids of honor, unless one of them was a matron of honor.

7/19/10 @ 5:23 pm (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Hamster (message) 4,046 posts, Honey bee

Ooh that’s tough. I probably would have done what you did as well. Glad that your sister was understanding about the whole thing!

7/19/10 @ 5:24 pm (reply)

Member

peachplum09 (message) 648 posts, Busy bee

I’m with you chica! I’ve got three attendants and after checking with my sis, she was a-okay with being a BM and not moh. She’s about to start college and will have a lot on her plate when the time comes to actually get the ball rollin’.

And whatever works for you, works for you, and ultimately that’s all that matters

7/19/10 @ 5:25 pm (reply)

Member

M.Ruder (message) 1,440 posts, Bumble bee

my MOH almost couldn’t be MOH because her College grad was on the same day, 4 hours away. But we moved the date so she could be there! I have a feeling one will drop, but who knows!! I hope not!

7/19/10 @ 5:26 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Locket (message) 2,837 posts, Sugar bee

@peachplum09: School was another huge factor for not choosing my sister..she was in the process of taking course requirements to apply to grad school and was super stressed and busy all the time and really couldn’t take the energy to visit or help with things.

7/19/10 @ 5:28 pm (reply)

Member

Ms. Sapphire (message) 340 posts, Helper bee

Yup, this just happened to me last week. My MOH dropped out (she’s pregs) one month out, even after months to think about it. She decided the day will be too exhausting for her. I was bummed, to say the least, since I was her MOH even while studying for the bar (though that’s hardly the same thing). But I completely understand where she’s coming from. And coincidentally another friend confided in me that she was super hurt that I never asked her to be in the bridal party and that I could always ask her anytime…so I asked her. It just kind of worked itself out I guess. Either way, never a fun thing to go through. I think your decision was fine. I actually had a friend who had 5 MOH and 2 BM (I was one of them - the other was not involved at all except for day of). Felt pretty crappy.

7/19/10 @ 7:03 pm (reply)

10.

Member

Raindrop (message) 23 posts, Newbee

That is an unfortunate predicament..! I think I would have done the same as well, especially if your sister wasn’t super keen on being involved in the first place.
My MOH is moving to a different province for grad school at the end of August (wedding is next May). But seeing as I already live in a different province from where I am getting married, and where she is going to be, I didn’t really see it as a big obstacle!

7/19/10 @ 7:26 pm (reply)

11.

Member

seattlemeg (message) 538 posts, Busy bee

I think you made the right decision. In the long run it’s all about celebrating your marriage, the rest is details. It’s sad that your one bridesmaid can’t make it, but those who can have the honor of enjoying your day with you, no matter what their title.

7/19/10 @ 7:26 pm (reply)

12.

Member

amykate (message) 180 posts, Blushing bee

@Ms. Sapphire: I know how you feel, kind of. My MOH is pregnant too. She just found out on the 15th that she is due the day after the wedding. I am nervous she may step down. It would break my heart, but I understand. Bummer is her husband is marrying us. So I guess we will be getting a back up there just incase she goes into labor.

7/19/10 @ 11:39 pm (reply)

13.

Member

fmcassity (message) 72 posts, Worker bee

@Ms. Sapphire: 5 MOHs?? That seems excessive!

Anyway, I had 1 BM drop out- even though she had plenty of chances to back out before, she didn’t come clean until it was time to get the BM dresses. She started ignoring my phone calls and texts… then sent an EMAIL stating that she could no longer be in the wedding. No good reasons were provided….

Miss Locket: sounds like you made the right choice!

7/20/10 @ 12:47 am (reply)

14.

Member

Jazziberry (message) 1,015 posts, Bumble bee

My cousin and I are the same age and grew up going to school together and she has been my best friend. My sister is just starting college this fall, but is still very “young” and clueless about wedding duties and such.

So cousin/bff is my MOH and my sister is Sister of the Bride, and she is perfectly happy with that.

I will have 5 attendants total, which I worry is a bit much for our ~85 guest wedding. But my #3 is the FSIL, and #4 & #5 are girlfriends of mine from college.

Our guest list is about 98% family, and I don’t have room to invite more of my friends as guests, especially since FI will only have about 10 or less guests attending and I don’t want to over-inflate my side and overwhelm his. However, FI is the reason we have 5 attendants instead of 4 each, but I tthink it works out just fine.

7/20/10 @ 7:48 am (reply)

15.

Member

Miss Shoe (message) 105 posts, Blushing bee

Bridesmaid issues are the trickiest, but it sounds like your sister is a really understanding person to agree to the change of titles. Sounds like you avoided an icky situation.

7/20/10 @ 7:58 am (reply)

16.

Member

Jazziberry (message) 1,015 posts, Bumble bee

I forgot to mention- is my MOH were to drop out for any reason, I would promote my sister and just hope she would accept the position. If any of my other BMs dropped out, then I’d just stick with who I have left to stand by me instead of trying to fill their spot.

7/20/10 @ 8:01 am (reply)

17.

Member

MeghanV (message) 375 posts, Helper bee

Great that your sister was understanding! I probably would have promoted everyone or demoted everyone… but I’m wimpy like that.

7/20/10 @ 8:45 am (reply)

18.

Bee

Miss Locket (message) 2,837 posts, Sugar bee

@Ms. Sapphire: 5 MOHs? That is crazy! In that case it seems it would really feel like being the odd gal out when you are a BM. Everyone works in ways that makes sense to themselves though.

@Jazziberry: I probably would do the same if my friend backed out.

7/20/10 @ 9:53 am (reply)

19.

Member

sdbell88 (message) 13 posts, Newbee

One of my ‘maids backed out on me because of her graduation. I…understood, after some time. My wedding is at 6:00, her graduation was at 9:00. She said she wanted to spend the day with her family, because it was such an important event. Sure, whatever.

We weren’t all that close anymore, anyway - she’s got her first boyfriend (at 21, so she’s out of her mind about him). He’s a total jerk and she’s losing all her friends because for some reason no one likes him, and we’re all wrong, because he’s teh awesome.

But she just posted on Facebook that they’ve bumped up their move to San Diego date from the day after graduation to a week before graduation and totally skipping the whole deal.

Good did come out of it - I got to ask my friend who I regretted not asking almost immediately. I picked the first one just because I’d known her longer and felt like our history deserved it. But my new ‘maid has become one of my closest friends over the past year or so and I’m so happy she didn’t get offended or feel like “second choice.”

7/20/10 @ 11:05 am (reply)

20.

Member

marieta (message) 339 posts, Helper bee

I know what you mean about that one person feeling left out/underappreciated. I ran into that with the people I wanted with me and finally decided to have no MOH at all. They’re all BMs (three bridesmaids and one bridesman). They’re all such close friends but in such different ways that I didn’t like picking one or two to be above the others. And I don’t have any siblings, so that wasn’t an option.

7/21/10 @ 12:03 am (reply)

1 2 Last