Weddingbee Blog

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I’m not gonna lie: I am NOT a fan of the bouquet toss. Never have been, never will be. I think it’s kind of awkward, and totally embarrassing to have to stand in the middle of the dance floor announcing that you’re single, and then you get to fight with all the other single girls to catch some flowers. I just don’t like it. And even if I did like it, we will have approximately 4 single girls at our wedding, which wouldn’t exactly be the most exciting bouquet toss ever.

I considered doing the whole “give your bouquet to the longest-married woman” thing, but to be honest, I wanted to do something more meaningful with my bouquet.

It sounds silly, but that little bunch of flowers is walking down the freaking aisle with me! I don’t want to just give it away to anyone. At the same time, it feels silly to keep it because all the flowers will die in a couple of weeks and then I just have to throw it away. Lame.

So, I’ve come up with a better idea. I haven’t quite worked out the logistics of it yet, because we are leaving for our honeymoon about 12 hours after the wedding, but I’m determined to make it work.

You see, last year, my grandfather passed away. He was an incredible grandfather, and I miss him more than I could possibly put into words.

Typical Christmas with our family – PawPaw is snoring!

He passed away less than a week after Mr. Cardigan proposed, and it was incredibly painful for me to be in the hospital with him, knowing that I had amazing news to share with him but he wasn’t coherent enough to hear it. I was almost afraid to go visit him in his room, because it was one of the most awful things ever to see him lying in that bed, so helpless, and completely motionless. Every once in a while, while I was talking to him, he would muster up the strength to squeeze my hand. It gives me a lump in my throat just remembering how his hand felt in mine, so weak, but squeezing as hard as he could. He couldn’t talk, but he could squeeze. Those last few days that I spent with him in the hospital are extremely painful but very cherished memories.

In one of my visits with him, I shared with him that Mr. C and I were engaged. It was on a particularly bad day for him, so I’m honestly not sure that he heard or understood what I was saying. But I think I felt the slightest hint of a squeeze when I told him. Immediately after I felt that tiny little squeeze, I broke into tears and felt a flood of relief wash through me. I had told him. Whether or not he actually heard and understood it, I had at least been able to share the biggest news of my life with my grandfather. At that point we hadn’t told anyone beyond my parents and Sister Cardy, because it was really not the right time. We felt almost guilty even being happy about being engaged, because so many much more serious things were happening. Those last few days with Pawpaw remain in my memory as some of the most difficult days I’ve ever been through, but it puts my mind at ease to know that I was able to share the news of my engagement with him.

It breaks my heart to know that my Pawpaw won’t be able to attend our wedding. I know that many people choose to honor their loved ones who have passed at the ceremony, and we may choose to do that, but I wanted to do something extra for Pawpaw. So, I have decided that as soon as I can after we get back from the honeymoon, I will visit Pawpaw’s grave, bouquet in hand, and tell him about my wedding. Normally I’m not the type to get particularly sentimental about visiting graves – I’ve always understood that the person is gone and what remains is just a symbol of who they were. But for some reason, just thinking about presenting Pawpaw with my bouquet gets me a bit emotional. I hate that he won’t be able to attend our wedding, but I want to leave him with some part of it – my bouquet, that will be with me as I walk down the aisle to my new husband. I can’t think of any better way to honor my grandfather.

Did you do anything non-traditional with your bouquet?