Weddingbee Blog

Mr. Lobster and I had our second pre-marital session with Father Mark. To prepare for this session, Father Mark gave us some homework — to construct a genogram:

Example Genogram

A genogram is a family tree with emotional, relationship, and health details. In our session, we used it as a tool to learn more about where each of us was coming from - our background being the foundation of how we would interact with each other as a couple.

For example, a scraggly line between two great aunts means a “conflictual relationship”, which may impact how you react when you and your sister argue. Maybe you become more sensitive to arguing because it might lead to the end of a relationship and so you avoid arguments with your significant other.

It was interesting to hear some of Father Mark’s insights into our relationship and where he foresaw future arguments based on our families’ histories. The biggest lesson was to remember to think about this genogram or our family “constellation” when it feels like we’re talking past each other and not understanding one another. We might want the same thing, just explaining it totally differently because we are part of two different constellations of family.

Have you tried to gain insight on how you communicate with your S.O.? What have you found?