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Never in my life, did I think I would have this conversation with Mr. Handy:
Me: “I think you should get either a platinum band or titanium.”
Mr.: “I don’t wear jewelry. What makes you think I want a ring?”
Me: “UMMMM, when you get married, you wear a ring.”
Mr.: “But I don’t wear jewelry. It’s uncomfortable.”
Me: “So you’re telling me that you won’t wear your wedding ring because you fear it will be uncomfortable?!”
(tears welling in my eyes)
Mr.: “Exactly.”
Me: “You know this is something that is very important to me, that you wear your ring?”
Mr.: “I don’t wear jewelry, never have. You know this”
Me: “But its not jewelry. It’s a symbol that you’re MARRIED!”
Mr.: “A ring doesn’t mean anything but an outward commitment. I’m committed without the ring now. Why would it change when we get married?”
(full blown tears running down my cheeks)
Me: “Because when you get married, you put a ring on, period.”
Mr.: “Well I’m not.”
How does this happen?!?!
He doesn’t work on cars for a living, he doesn’t work with machinery, he has no good excuse for not wanting to wear his ring except that (insert whiny man voice) “It’s uncomfortable.” So buy a titanium ring that fits and is comfortable. I trust him completely—it’s not a trust issue. It’s just the point that he won’t wear his WEDDING BAND when it comes time to be wed.
So I sat back and tried to think of the reason why this bothers me so much. Our relationship is great (hence the soon-to-be marriage), so why would him not wearing a ring make me fearful of anything? I think it’s just the symbol of the marriage. When you get married, you put a ring on to show your love and commitment to your spouse, and they do the same. It’s a sign of commitment and love. So if he doesn’t wear his ring, does that mean he isn’t committed or loves me any less? No. So I don’t know why this bothers me so much, but it does.
What would you do?
It would bother the hell out of me so you’re not alone in that. I just find it weird… I mean he’d get used to having the ring on after just a few days… Maybe I’m just old fashioned about rings though lol. I also find it weird when women take their rings off. There’s nothing wrong with it I suppose it just isn’t my style..
my FI keeps joking about getting a tattoo of the ring so he doesn’t have to wear “jewelery” maybe yours would be willing to do that? Just a thin line around his wedding finger… that is a decent compromise and it will definately show his commitment.
My fiance’ is an electrician, he can’t wear rings while he’s at work. HE said alot of guys wear the rings on a necklace. Like the circle metal chains the military wear with their dog tags.
I would feel weird too. I also dont get when people take their rings off or forget them at home. I am more traditional as well. To me, if you are married, you wear your ring, period. It isn’t a debate, it just is!
i’d beat him up. No, but seriously, it would bug me A LOT. I’d ask him to please consider at least trying a couple on just to see what it feels like. Who knows there might be one that IS comfortable.
My parents aren’t jewelry people either–they haven’t worn their rings for at least 20 years but are still as committed to each other as the day they married. My fmil doesn’t wear her rings, but ffil does. So, if my fi told me he didn’t want to wear a ring I don’t think it would be that big a deal.
Honestly, it would bother me to the point where FI and I would probably have a huge screaming match. He’s a car mechanic/Tow Truck Driver/Firefigher so he has plenty of reasons not to wear one 24/7 but to have no excusses only that it’s “uncomfortable” is just plain wrong! When you both are more calm, you should have a chat with him bout how much it bugs you since the ring is a symbol of marriage and get him to understand just how upset you are.
It would bother me to. Maybe suggest getting a cheaper comfort-band ring for him to try out so he can see that once he gets used to it, it won’t be uncomfortable.
Or, tell him that it’s a physical reminder of the fact that he has someone who loves him at home (i.e. if he’s away on a business trip or having a tough day at work).
It would bother me too. It would bother me a LOT.
It’s just a ring - is it really that uncomfortable? I think it’s one of those things - it’s weird the first 48 hours you wear it, but after that it’s like second nature, you don’t notice it’s there.
How would he feel if you refused to wear your rings?
Also, if he won’t relent, maybe he could wear a ring on a chain around his neck? A la Carrie in Sex in the City?
That would drive me crazy. My husband used to wear his college ring, so at least he had a limited experience with jewelry. He doesn’t love wearing his wedding ring, but he’s getting used to it.
He should really get over himself. Does his dad wear a ring? Brothers?
Before our wedding, I remember having the ring conversation with my husband. I was really nervous about it, because, like Mr. Locket, my husband does NOT wear jewelry. Thankfully, he also felt that “when you get married, you wear a ring”.
If he’d had the same sentiments as Mr. Locket, I probably would have tried explaining how much it mean to me to be able to share having a wedding band with him. I loved wearing his HS class ring before we were engaged, and then my engagement ring after that. There’s something about looking at your hands and seeing something the person you loved placed there… I know he loved seeing the ring on my hand, too.
Maybe ask Mr. Locket if it would bother him if you didn’t wear a ring? Not to spite him or anything, but just to see if he feels the same sort of pride seeing a ring on your hand.
I love seeing my husband’s wedding band on his fingers because it brings back the memory of me putting it on him during our ceremony. I love thinking about how I gave him something that he’ll wear for the rest of his life.
If discomfort is the main thing for Mr. Locket, see if he’d at least be willing to try getting used to it, as a favor to you..
My FI and I had the SAME exact conversation. He has never worn any jewelry, especially not a ring, and doesn’t want to. He also has very specific taste is afraid that if he gets something, he’ll hate it in a few months.
I was so upset. I think we actually originally had the convo before we were even engaged.. we talked about it and I let him know how much it bothered me that he wouldn’t wear a ring. Long story short he agreed to it if we could have it custom designed (by my aunt, who makes jewelry). That being said.. why not get a ring for him anyway, maybe he’ll change his mind after he wears it a bit, or realizes how much it means to you. I wish you the best! <3
I would let it go. It’s just a piece of metal, it doesn’t mean he’s not committed to you and I think you know that. I know plenty of married men who don’t wear their rings and married women for that matter. It doesn’t make the marriage any less real.
If it really bothers you that much, see if he’ll go ring shopping just to see if he can find one he’s comfortable in. If he still doesn’t want one after that, I would drop it for good.
I’d be angry.
Tell him to spend one entire day where he checks out EVERY guy’s hand. He can make a mental checklist of how many of the married guys he knows don’t wear their ring. Then report back. I bet the number is zero.
It’s not about trusting him… it’s about keeping other women away. A pretty little thing with too much to drink might take one look at his band-less finger and make her move.
Ask him how he would feel if you decided not to wear your engagement ring? Maybe say it’s too pretty and you don’t want to bang it up, so it’s safest at home in the box. Besides having spent too much money on it to sit in a drawer, ask him how it would make him feel if you didn’t want to wear his declaration of love for you?
And if that doesn’t work, ask him if he’s actually worn a ring in his life. Chances are not. At least not a well fit one. So tell him to humor you and take him to a store, maybe he’ll find that they’re not that bad.
And if THAT doesn’t work. Cry. A lot. And tell him he’s breaking your heart (which he is!). And ask if he loves you (he’ll answer yes) and then you say “but how do I know?! How will anyone know?!” (answer: ring). This should be last resort though… 
See if you can get him to at least try on a “comfort fit” wedding band. The inner edges are slightly curved. My husband was slightly on the fence about wearing a ring as well (he said it felt more “natural” on his right hand). A few days after our wedding I asked him if he was starting to get used to wearing a wedding ring and he said that “it felt like it is supposed to be there”…. I hope the same happens for you!
It sounds like he needs to understand that this has a deeper meaning to you whereas for him it is a simple qualm with comfort. I’m sure there is something he would have a similar feeling about (many men feel that having their spouse take their name is important for the same reason him wearing a ring is important to you). See if you can explain the value a ring has and what it means for him not to wear it. To me it sounds like on a logical level you know you can trust him, but on an emotional level it feels like his rejection of the ring is a rejection of his commitment. Emotions are just as valid, but sometimes men have a difficult time empathizing with things that are more emotion than logic… help him to understand the validity in your hurt.
My mister wants me to wear my finger 24/7 so of course that means I want him to wear his 24/7 then too! But he did say he wasnt fond of the idea of a ring but he would get one - i offered him the option of getting a ring tattoo and he was surprised I said that! I believe you need to show you are ‘off the market’ in one way or another! I think that’s probably why you are upset by it - you want people to know from 1st glance that he is married.
That would never, EVER be ok with me. Your reaction was downright calm compared to the wrath I would have bestowed upon my husband had he told me he didn’t want to wear a ring because it was “uncomfortable.” Newsflash: once you get used to it, you hardly know it’s there. In fact, now that I’ve worn a ring on my left ring finger for over 2 years it’s uncomfortable NOT wearing it. It may be ok for some couples and that’s just fine, but I think if it really bothers you, don’t let this subject go away.
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Miss Handbag, Smyrna, DE/Jamaica Age and Occupation: 25, Administration Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, Sales Engagement Date: Christmas Night 2008 Wedding Date: March 2011 Venue: Rosehall Resort, Montego Bay, Jamaica About Me: I am a Type A, emotional Italian fireball, who on a weekly basis must be brought back to reality by my level headed, calm, cool and collected fiance. We are planning an intimate, all white with hints of black, vintage inspired wedding on the old sugar aqueducts of Jamaica, with 30 of our closest friends and family flying in to witness the occasion. We are not traditional by any means and will be doing things very differently. :)
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