Weddingbee Blog

There are times when I feel like I don’t have much of a right to talk about crappy exes or how past relationships have shaped who I am today. Mr. Cardigan is only the second person I have ever dated and was the first person I ever kissed. So, in a way, I don’t have much experience at all when it comes to relationships.

However, I definitely took a few things with me from my first boyfriend, and from other various guys that I dated that never turned into boyfriends. Each and every time I look back on any of these boys who hurt me along my way to Mr. Cardigan, I feel more and more grateful to have him in my life. And even though these guys from my past hurt me in many different ways, I wouldn’t be who I am today if I hadn’t gone through that.

I love this guy! But he wasn’t always in my life!

So, today, let’s talk about these past relationships that have shaped who we are now. I’ll start.

When I was 16, I had my first “real” boyfriend. He was two years older, kind of a badass, and completely not my type. But he wanted to date me. And I liked him—probably a lot more than I should have. We dated for five months, and it never really went anywhere…we never even kissed. I think he told me that I was pretty once. Beyond that, we were just really close friends who happened to hold hands every once in awhile.

To be honest, I feel like that relationship in general had a very negative effect on my self-esteem. He was the first guy who ever seemed to want to date me, but even HE didn’t really act like he actually liked me all that much. Sometimes it hurt, but it was my first relationship and I had nothing to compare it to, so I persevered. He really meant the world to me. I went through hell with this guy—there were some very, very serious and horrible things that happened while we were dating, and I stood by him. I was there for him no matter what.

He broke my heart by saying that he “wasn’t ready” for a girlfriend, and then two weeks later started dating someone else.

After him, there were a few other guys that I thought about dating and ended up not, and each of them hurt me in some different way. I won’t get into too many details of my dating woes, but let’s just say that until Mr. Cardigan, not many people valued me very much. Especially guys. Sure, they wanted to be my friend, but they didn’t want to date me. They wanted to date my other friends. In fact, I actually have one of those ridiculous stories where I had a crush on a guy, he started talking to me and I thought he was going to ask me out, then he asked for my friend’s number. True story. I was that girl.

Suffice it to say that Mr. Cardigan had his work cut out for him when we first started dating. I was insecure, unhappy, and in a very unhealthy place in my life. But he turned it all around. From the very beginning, he understood me better than anyone else in the world ever had. He told me I was beautiful each and every day. When I made self-deprecating comments, rather than get annoyed he would quickly correct me and tell me the exact opposite. He treated me like a princess. And you know what? I had never had that before. I had never had anyone tell me I was beautiful, or go 100% out of their way just to make me smile. And it was the best feeling in the world.

Mr. Cardigan is a huge part of why I actually have any self-confidence today, and I have him to thank for helping me get to a place where I love myself again. I was probably not a very pleasant person to be with in those first few months that we dated, but he was so wonderful and so caring, and I feel so incredibly blessed that he was there for me at that time in my life.

So, no, I never had much experience with dating before Mr. Cardigan. But the little experience I did have shaped me dramatically, and to this day I am constantly reminded of how lucky I am to have Mr. Cardigan in my life. As much as my past experiences hurt, I’m glad that I went through them because I appreciate Mr. C so much more now because of them.

I shared—now it’s your turn. What were your relationships like before your SO? Did you have good experiences or horrible ones like me?