Not All Peaches ‘n’ Cream

Not All Peaches ‘n’ Cream

July 30th, 2010 @ 4:20 pm by Miss Handbag
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I consider myself a very honest and real person. I am not a good liar, I am not an actress, and my emotions are always apparent. (I tried to warn you!) Whenever I read other brides’ blogs, I always wonder, are their lives really that perfect or are they just not telling it how it is?

Planning this wedding, there have been a lot of ups and downs, and a lot of hurt feelings and shed tears, but there have also been a lot of very exciting moments and happy times. The truth is, no one is excited about your wedding as you are and no one is going to freak out over flowers or simple details like you will. Being with Mr Handy for almost 6 years and having an engagement that was 2 1/2 yrs long made people think we weren’t serious, I guess. There were many factors that led us to have a long engagement. For one, we bought a house. Buying a house is a very big investment, and it took lots of patience, time and money. Since we had the house built, it took a lot longer then just picking one and settling on it. We really wanted to be stable before we got married. We didn’t want to set an unrealistic budget, drown in wedding debt and then not be able to buy a house. Plus, we are paying for the entire wedding ourselves with not a dime from anyone else. This is completely OK with us, as we are very independent and would rather make our own decisions without opinions from anyone else. (That sounds bossy, huh?)

With that being said, I can honestly say that never again will I want to plan a wedding that is my own.

Being an emotional Italian girl with 2 brothers in the military, my emotions are always getting the better of me. With us being together so long before our engagement, our families know each other very well and we all live in the same state. The question has always been, “When are you guys finally tying the knot?” It has always been the number one topic when our families get together.

Now that we are so close to the wedding date, the drama has really beefed itself up.

My FMIL is no longer speaking to Mr Handy, which means she wont speak to me either. Why? Because his mom is a very controlling, manipulative person, and when Mr Handy finally stood up for himself, she freaked out. He told her she needed to put a filter on her mouth and stop disrespecting him and me, that it was really hurting the relationships she has with us. Well, she turned it into a whole mess and now wont speak to either of us. I invited her dress shopping, but she never even showed up or acknowledged the invite. We dont even know if his mom or siblings will even come to the wedding now.

Mr Handy and I are the type of people who are always at every family event, every birthday, and we are both very family oriented. We bend over backwards to accomodate our families. As we are getting older and starting our own family (dont worry, no babies yet!) we have our own plans and opinions and his family is really upset about it. We missed 1 birthday (I had to work!) and all of a sudden, we were the black sheep. Obviously, I am pretty upset about all of this. I just want our families to respect our decisions and see us as adults, not children they can control. Needless to say, our engagement has been a whirlwind of hurt feelings, growing up, and lots of excitement!

So don’t think that just because your engagement isn’t always perfect and fun, that you are alone. It happens to everyone. We cant control the people in our lives or how they act, only the way we react to them and the situations they put us in. Stay strong and keep planning!

Were you met with a lot of emotional road blocks during your wedding planning?

Tags: emotional, jamaica |

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18 Responses to “Not All Peaches ‘n’ Cream”

Member

christalynn11 (message) 1,216 posts, Bumble bee

In a simple answer? Yes. We have had a sad experience with my FI Dad/Stepmom/Younger Sister. My FI was married many years ago for a brief amount of time and back during that, apparently his Dad has issues with him then - We both assumed that was related to his ex-wife - but as we plan our own wedding, he has pulled the exact same crap. This time around, my FI is seeing things for what they are and finally seeing people, family included, for what they are. It’s been hard but a great growing experience for us as a couple.

Hang in there. If they don’t show up, the only one who will truly regret it is them. As hard as that is to handle.

7/30/10 @ 4:37 pm (reply)

Member

SweetSalz21 (message) 92 posts, Worker bee

Oh yeah… major hurt and not speaking to each other and just all around messes. My mother thinking that my H was taking me away from her, the fact that my H as unemployed at the time caused a lot of stress between us and my family. After the wedding, things got exponentially better but it did take awhile. So sorry… hang in there!

7/30/10 @ 4:58 pm (reply)

Member

yoori (message) 231 posts, Helper bee

GAH I absolutely am in the same boat right now! Every single day is a rollercoaster with her. If she’s in a bad mood, everyone is her enemy. At our engagement ceremony, she was upset about something random and unrelated to us, and she didn’t have the manners to act politely, despite that it was the first time our families were meeting. She offended my mom so badly that night, I still can’t respect her. You can see how angry she is in the photos, she’s such a childish woman! There’s such a good chance she’ll do something to ruin my wedding day, that I almost wish she wouldn’t come! >_<

7/30/10 @ 5:03 pm (reply)

Member

Laylabelle (message) 3,378 posts, Sugar bee

I’m so sorry for you guys. I’ve been there, and it sucks. Neither my mom or sister showed up for my wedding. I waited all day to see if they would, even scanning the audience while I walked down the aisle, and it was heartbreaking. I hope they are able to put their own selfish crap aside and support you two on your wedding day, but if they can’t, please know that your day will still be wonderful without them.

7/30/10 @ 5:28 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Handbag (message) 117 posts, Blushing bee

thanks everyone for your comments. I keep telling myself that she will grow up and say sorry, looks like I might be waiting awhile. And if she doesnt show up to the wedding, thats ok too.

7/30/10 @ 7:37 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Glasses (message) 2,741 posts, Sugar bee

I hope that your FMIL makes the right decision to start supporting you guys. I’m sure she’ll regret it later if she doesn’t. You are really positive though, I like that!

7/30/10 @ 9:32 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Socks (message) 1,323 posts, Bumble bee

HB, I can COMPLETELY relate. For about the last 10 months, Mr. Socks’ parents have threatened not to come to the wedding. It turned out to be mostly empty threats, but it’s caused a lot of strain between the two of us and his family. They’re very controlling, and it’s a tough situation. You’ll get through though…I know you will!

7/30/10 @ 11:48 pm (reply)

Member

sefditz (message) 177 posts, Blushing bee

I totally get where you are coming from. With us, it was a 2 BM’s and our DJ (a friendor) who became extremely unsupportive, mean and down-right hateful! Needless to say, we have taken them out of the wedding at this point and no longer even speak. It’s sad to lose such long term (15 year) friends, but who needs people around to treat you this way in what is supposed to be the happiest time of your life?! It is better now that they are no longer involved…..and it’s nice to know that others have had similar issues.

7/31/10 @ 1:41 am (reply)

Member

kokuu (message) 90 posts, Worker bee

If the word “wedding” even comes up around his mother (which does happen from time to time, as his little sister is one of my bridesmaids, and is genuinely excited about the whole event) it will turn into a heated argument. I’ve tried to turn the wedding into a bonding experience, inviting her to go dress shopping with me, check out craft stores, etc, since I haven’t been able to do anything with my own mother since she lives far away, but she criticizes every single decision I make. I picked brown bridesmaid dresses, because I thought it would be a flattering color on all of my girls and would fit with our fall colors, and she tells me brown is a horrible choice and that I should have gone with red, even though another one of my bridesmaids is a redhead (and when I pointed out the fact that a red dress would look terrible on my best friend of 12 years, she replied “who cares”). She criticized my wish to have BOTH of my parents walk me down the aisle, because I really dislike the sexist notion of my dad “giving me away” because I’m an independent woman, and continued to tease me about it even after I started crying even though she well knows that as a feminist it bothers me. It’s frustrating because I’m planning the wedding with absolutely no help (fiance doesn’t pitch in at all, even though I’ve asked him to), and even though we really haven’t seen eye to eye, even from the beginning, I thought this would be a good way to fix our relationship, but I think it’s only made things worse.

7/31/10 @ 2:43 am (reply)

10.

Member

Miss HunnyBunny (message) 119 posts, Blushing bee

I totally feel you. My mother is such a selfish person and I try and try to have a relationship with her, but she makes it so hard. She didnt even seem happy for me when we got engaged and told me no when I asked her to walk me down the aisle! We are presently not speaking and I don’t think she will be attending the wedding at all! I was extremely hurt in the beginning of all this, but I am learning that this is something that she has to fix, and if she does not then it is her loss. Hang in there!

7/31/10 @ 4:45 am (reply)

11.

Member

mrspaetz (message) 3,805 posts, Honey bee

I feel your pain. Lots of hurt came out during the run-up to our wedding, and it finally exploded two days before our wedding. There are some rships that appear to be permanently damaged, and till now, it’s still awkward.

Just know that you’re right in standing your ground! *big hugs!*

7/31/10 @ 10:16 pm (reply)

12.

Member

MOHmama (message) 404 posts, Helper bee

Wow, that’s a bummer to be in that situation. I think weddings bring out the best in some people and the worst in others. It’s a shame, but you see some people’s true colors. No wedding is without its own drama.

8/1/10 @ 2:00 am (reply)

13.

Bee

Mrs. Hermit Crab (message) 3,566 posts, Sugar bee

Ditto, handbag, I know how this can be - PM if you ever want to talk!

8/1/10 @ 1:12 pm (reply)

14.

Member

Miss Taco Night (message) 241 posts, Helper bee

I’ve wondered the same thing from time to time- it seems like no one admits that there are things about being engaged/getting married that are sad, stressful, or unpleasant. My fiance and I have a great relationship and we get along with each other’s families, but that STILL isn’t enough to keep tension and drama out of wedding related decisions sometimes. Hang in there, FMILs are not worth stressing over in my opinion

8/1/10 @ 3:53 pm (reply)

15.

Member

Miss White Pearl (message) 195 posts, Blushing bee

ahh, miss handbag!! thanks for writing this. it’s definitely a comfort to know that relationship woes happen to others that are family-oriented and really want it to work. as soon as my FI deployed, his mother stopped responding to me and no longer wanted to be involved in planning which is still a problem now. it’s hard to balance wanting her to feel like i am not ignoring her feelings but also trying to continue planning for my Fi’s return home. hopefully, both of our families will be open to us soon. it’d take a good bit of stress off of our minds!!

8/2/10 @ 1:24 am (reply)

16.

Bee

Miss Husky (message) 1,754 posts, Buzzing bee

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with so much family drama! I think emotions just run high during wedding planning, and everyone deals with a least a little sprinkling of over-reactive emotions. Good luck!

8/2/10 @ 11:11 am (reply)

17.

Member

SandraMarie_1986 (message) 1,363 posts, Bumble bee

I know exactly how you feel! And I’m so sorry about how you feel and how awful your FMIL has been. Mine has tricked us too and we are no longer have much of a relationship. We’ll see if she shows up to the wedding or not.

8/2/10 @ 1:22 pm (reply)

18.