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So came the words from our recently-engaged friend when we had her and her newly betrothed over for dinner last week. Um, what? They’ve been engaged for all of three weeks! I’ve been planning our wedding for ten months, and still feel like I have a mile-long list of tasks to accomplish.
(source)
This is the second time in as many months that this has happened: Friend gets engaged. Thrilled, we invite the couple over for dinner. I ask if they’ve given much thought to the wedding. Friend brushes it off, saying it’s practically already planned.
Am I missing something?
There are only four possible reasons I can come up with that explain how these two friends of mine can “have everything planned” just three weeks into their engagement:
(source)
I began to feel a little sheepish about our own wedding—did we really need all this pomp and circumstance? Was it really that important for me to buy the dress, hire the band, etc.? Were all of these minor details really so important to our wedding day? Had I become a bridezilla without realizing it because I had to have hand-knit silk stockings and spent a good 30 man hours making them? What was the point, if it wasn’t only to get married?
Then I realized the point—it was not only to get married, but also to celebrate getting married. The food, the dancing, the favors, the dessert—all of it is in celebration. Our family and friends are traveling all across the country (in some cases, the world) to be at our wedding—to celebrate our wedding and subsequent marriage. And for that, I will spend hours making napkin rings, and painting signs, and fertilizing our flower garden.
Have you felt insecurity about how much effort you’re poring into planning your wedding?
Not that I know, but I’m guessing #1! My mom decided the wedding was “all planned” when we had a priest, church, tent rented, florist, and caterer.
My response, “what about presents for the flower girls, shoes picked out for bridesmaids, hair appointments made, etc” It seems like everything you get one thing off the list, you add 10.
I hear you! Especially now that the wedding is over, I feel like I didn’t even get to see people enjoy all of the little details that I spent so much time on. Like our escort “cards” which Sister P and I spent hours finishing the night before the wedding - they were distributed before we even got there.
But you know what, if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing. Yes, a wedding is about the marriage, but it’s also about honoring the fact that people went out of their way to celebrate with you. You have to make sure that they enjoy the experience, too!
It’s entirely possible your dinner guest was trying to change the subject. “Oh, everything is planned,” could just be a polite way to say, “Thanks for asking, but I don’t feel like talking about wedding stuff now.”
I can totally relate to this post! I booked all of my vendors within 2 months of being engaged and I thought I was done planning and I could sit back and relax for the rest of my 19 month engagement. I was in SUCH denial! Since then my to-do list has grown exponentially. I’ll be working and planning and DIYing until the day of my wedding I’m sure.
I honestly had no idea how much wedding planning took when I first got engaged. I was like, “We are going to have this, this and this and here is my DRESS.” Wedding planning is like my college major- changing until the very last second. I bet your friends THOUGHT they have it together but are in for a wild ride 
I think it’s a couple things–not knowing the work that goes into weddings, having the resources to pay someone to take care of things, and your priorities. I want a handmade feel to our wedding, so there’s a ton of projects to work on. But someone may not care about those particular details. It’s a bridal case of “to each his own.” But I totally understand how you feel.
maybe they just not feel like talking about it? I booked everyone within the first few months and thought I had everything under control. Little did I know…
I totally get insecure when I compare where I’m at with girls who are date twins with me. Some of them are farther along on things than I am on, but at the same time I have to remind myself that I also am farther along on different things than they are!
I know a girl who did, in fact, plan her entire wedding in three weeks. They got married two months later. Her secret was #3–she pre-planned everything, right down to the shoes, favors, wedding bands and more.
i feel like the odd one out here, but my whole wedding was planned within a month. no exaggeration. there were lots of things that weren’t carried out until the last few weeks, but everything was booked, planned, and down-payment-ed within that first month.
i also believe that brides get sucked into consumerism and all the prettyness that goes into wedding planning and they come out with a whole bunch of extra stuff they didn’t anticipate going into it which both empties the pockets even further and adds a pile onto your to-do list.
If there is one thing I have learned (and I still have a ways to go yet!), it is that you will never fully understand and appreciate everything that is involved with planning a wedding until you are planning your own (unless you are a professional planner or have planned someone else’s to the same extent you would your own). I have so very far to go it seems…so much to do!
Could also be that they don’t really want to talk about it - so many of us keep the planning on the downlow because we don’t want 1) unwanted input or 2) competitiveness from other brides (or brides-to-be-someday, or once-upon-a-time-I-got-marrieds, or, well, anyone else)
Hey no hating on the hyper-planners! I was one that had been making an inspiration BINDER for years before my engagement….years before I met the man, actually. We knew we wanted a relatively short engagement (9 months) and within one week we had venue, photographer, and florist. Within a month the dress and majority of the details nailed down. I really think it’s unfair to assume this person does not care much about her wedding or doesn’t know what she’s got herself into…When I think about myself my outlook is just different: no reason to stress over little things that won’t truly add to our day.
I have to admit, I definitely fell into the “it’s pretty much all done camp” a month in. My FH and I are both grad students and refuse to do any wedding planning, crafts, etc during the semester, so it left us christmas break last year, a week this summer before I started an internship a state away, about a week and a half before school starts, and then October wedding. Luckily, he agreed to do all the details in the home stretch so I can focus on school.
Oh, I also HATE talking about my wedding, so I like the comment that it might just be a way to avoid talking about it.
I knew a first and second choice for all the major decisions about a month in. I think a lot of this was my schedule though - I’m slightly older (31) and am running my own business. I don’t have time for lots of crafting or second guessing.
So, really I had two choices for venue, photog, caterer, florist, band, color scheme, dress, invites within about 3-4 weeks.
Now I just have to decide on the date and book who/what is open for it.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with taking longer to plan, it’s just not time that I have, unfortunately.
The other thing is that I have no desire at ALL to have a trendy wedding. No moustaches, no ballons, no crazy mismatched wedding in a field, etc. I wanted classic choices that would stand the test of time and be comfortable for my family and guests. IMO a lot of the “crazy details” that take up so much time are pretty trendy and not at all my style to worry about.
I went into this thinking “No problem… we’ll have a simple wedding, it’ll be no big deal, nothing to it!” And yet as I move forward, I keep finding little details that I never dreamed of. Decorations, save the dates (which I thought I could skip and now can’t), activities for the kids, oh my! Every time I get a handle on one thing, another explodes. (Please don’t ask me about music right now. I might have to hurt you.)
I sometimes get super frustrated and think it’s insane to spend so much time and energy and money on this one day. I mean really, is there so much else that could go towards? But then I see other bees pictures and I see how special their days are, and I remember what an amazing day it’s going to be, and how long it’s going to stay with me and that it’s all going to worth it…
I can say, from an obsessive planning perspective, that they probably aren’t thinking off all the little last minute things like menu cards and transportation stuff and probably just mean that they have all of the major stuff done like reserving the venue, photographer, caterer, etc. I was the type of person who had already done the bulk of my research prior to the engagement so after he asked me, we were able to book almost all of our vendors in a matter of weeks. The little stuff? I’m still working on that, because there’s only so much you can do ahead of time.
I was just thinking about this topic the other day, with a good friend who is getting married (and only had 6 months to plan it!). I am a “waiting bee”, not even engaged, and I have more planned NOW than my friend does. LOL. (I’m helping her, of course!) But the way I see it, if I indulge in a little PPP, when the proposal comes, it’ll be less work for everyone.
I’m a bit of a Type A person, so I already have my STD’s and invitations bookmarked on the Wedding PaperDivas site, I know my bridesmaid dresses (and colors), I have a list of three venues in our (already discussed) location, etc…
Sometimes I think it’s crazy, most of the time, I think it’s smart.
I also am in my 30’s and run my own business, time is important to me. :-)@MsBunting: I HAD A BINDER TOO! I made it when I was 25. So many things in there do not make sense anymore, but my heart was in the right place!
lol
I have often felt the same way and honestly it is easy to plan a wedding. Vendors do this stuff all day every day. If you are easy going and don’t want to spend the time making your wedding a true reflection of you and your fiance’s personal style. You can pick a place, a color and a florist and just go. You won’t have any extras or frills, but you will have a fine wedding probably very similar to many other wedding you have been to in the past.
However, I do not feel guilty or ashamed of the fact that I want our wedding to be our wedding the way I have envisioned it. I enjoy the planning. It may be stressful at times and I know I get to caught up in the little things. I try to remind myself of the point of it all and take a deep breath. This is what I have chosen to do and on that day I will be so proud of what I have accomplished and my fiance will be proud of me (he isn’t so involved). I’m gonna do this once and I’m gonna do this right!
I’ve met quite a few people who are not going the DIY route, who feel ready once they’ve ordered invites from a book and picked out a set of matching guest book/ring pillow/flower girl basket things. To each their own style. I’m more of a micromanager myself.
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Mrs. Husky, Denver Age and Occupation: 26, Systems Administrator Fiance's Age and Occupation: 32, Mechanical Engineer, recently laid off Engagement Date: August 14, 2009 Wedding Date: October 2010 Venue: Rancho San Carlos About Me: I am planning a quirky-crafty wedding with my recently out-of-work fiancé for a (fingers crossed!) warm October afternoon. We are two self-professed nerds with an affinity for all things outdoors---be it rain, snow or shine. Recently relocated from the drizzly Northwest, we're enjoying the many sun-soaked days in the mile high city. Our day will be filled with both of our large families and friends, a self-served Cajun feast, and a Zydeco-style jazz band rocking beneath the beams of a historic red barn.
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