Weddingbee Blog

A couple weeks ago, before Prop 8 was overturned, a new colleague who is in a long term committed same-sex partnership asked me how I felt about getting married in California where the institution of civil marriage discriminates against people based on their sexual orientation. At first, I felt caught off guard. She knows I’m a supporter and fighter for equal rights on many fronts. However, I didn’t want to get defensive. She had a right to ask me. Luckily, I had thought about this before and knew how I felt about the issue. I’ve actually been asked this twice since getting engaged.

Let me just make this clear. I didn’t just sit around and attempt to come up with a “correct” answer. I thought about this as a matter of principle. I am the type of person who listens to song lyrics, and if/when I decide the song is discriminatory or wrong in some way, I essentially boycott it. I don’t care if it’s got a great beat and is all the rage at the clubs. A song that trivializes sexual abuse for example is not something I want to dance to. So I had to come to decide for myself if marriage was right for me, at a time when many couples say that they are boycotting the institution of marriage until it is legal for ALL individuals to do so.

In my personal opinion, and this is me and mine alone, marriage is a wonderful institution. With it comes privileges, rights, and unspoken approval and sentiments that words cannot express. Marriage is not merely the license that you get to be legal. Marriage is more. Marriage is the commitment you publicly make to join your life with another human being. Marriage is an expression that you are more than single individuals. Marriage is not simply 1 + 1 = 2. There’s something magical that happens when two people wed. Something more than 2 is created. The whole of marriage is more than the sum of its parts (i.e., the individuals that wed). Marriage is a right worth fighting for. I think marriage is so special that we should all have the right to choose whether we want to do it or not. So this is why I’m getting married, despite the fact that it is not currently a right that is bestowed on all my fellow brothers and sisters. Those before me in interracial partnerships fought for my right to marry Mr. Hot Wings. I will be married and continue to fight for the right for everyone to be married because domestic partnerships and cohabitation is not enough. Marriage is what my ancestors fought for and what we all deserve.

I don’t know if this is the answer my colleague wanted to hear. I don’t know if she thought of it this way or not, but it’s true to how I feel. I will not boycott marriage, because I don’t believe that does the fight any good. To go on living without a marriage license with Mr Hot Wings and be happy would mean that there’s nothing special about marriage. That’s simply not true in my opinion.

Have you been challenged about your reasons for getting married?