Weddingbee Blog

Hi hive!! It’s been a while… I’ve be buried in invitation assembly and worried about getting everything done in eight weeks. I’ve had a constant fireball of stress burning in the pit of my stomach all week, and wedding nightmares have been creeping into my dreams—bad ones that make sleeping ineffective because I realize my heart has been racing while the story unfolded through the night…

This was bound to happen since I was on a wedding roll. I was manic happy about the whole thing and caught up in all the fun details. But now I’m concerned that if one thing goes wrong that my whole world will come crashing down on Wedding Day. I’ve played and re-played a daydream in my head in which the florists drop bouquets off at my parents’ house and I’m so overcome by their perfection and the reality of the day that they symbolize that I’m hugging my vendors and choking back tears of joy. (Yes, actress. Dramatic.) But what if the flowers aren’t what I asked for? What if they aren’t even close??

But why do I care? 2 weeks ago I had a healthy mantra that I’ll have fun no matter what and no one will know if something is amiss but me. But the reality is, I will be pretty mad about it. No, not mad. I’ll feel betrayed because I’ve created friendships in my head with my vendors. I think they’re all super awesome!

I’m disappointed in myself for being so concerned with the cosmetic details of the wedding that if they don’t turn out like I want them to I’ll let it cast a shadow over the day.

Which brings me to the title of this post and the actual purpose for letting you all into my zany brain.

In an effort to keep on truckin’ this week, in addition to stuffing envelopes for my self-inflicted eight-weeks-out invitation deadline, and juggling day job with theater gigs, I wanted to order our Ketubah—our Jewish Marriage contract. (Technically an ancient marital pre-nup to protect the bride. Protecting the bride and ancient? Do those ideas go together? I love Jewish weddings…) We don’t need to participate in the signing of the Ketubah because we are an interfaith couple. But when I read the text options, I was in love with the idea. Why wouldn’t you want to commit and sign your name to these words?:

“We Promise to love, cherish, encourage, and inspire each other… We vow to value and support each other, always striving to show sensitivity to each other’s needs… we shall strive to build a home emanating love, peace, charity and tolerance…” (Interfaith text from Ketubah.com artist Naomi Brudo).

“We will appreciate our differences as a source of richness and build a life together as equal partners and supportive companions…” (Secular text from NewKetubah.com).

Every time I read our possible Ketubah text, it quiets my mind and keeps me calm. This is what the day is all about: entering a union with my beloved, my life partner. I especially love these words that celebrate our differences. I look forward to displaying our Ketubah on our wall and reading the words from time to time when life gets stressful or when I want (or need) to appreciate what we have together.

And of course, for the pretty-things-lover in me, we’ll be ordering one of these beautiful designs:

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We—clearly—aren’t a particularly religious couple. We are interfaith and selecting secular text for the Ketubah so I don’t have to commit to nurturing a specifically Jewish household. But often, looking to centuries-practiced religious tradition is a huge comfort to me when times get stressy. Why are we doing this (getting married) and why has humanity done this for as long as history can remember? What is our wedding day really about? Not cake and flowers, but entering into a union of love and respect with our friends and family as witnesses.

Is there an aspect of your wedding ceremony or your culture’s traditions that really resonates with you? How do you ground yourself when you find you are caught up in the little details?