Mr. Traditional

Mr. Traditional

August 14th, 2010 @ 6:30 pm by Mrs. Starfish
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I know I’m a traditional girl (as much as you can be while being a liberal), but I never really knew how traditional Mr. Starfish was until we started planning our wedding. We’ve been dating for almost 7 years and he’s always been a go with the flow kind of guy, but when it’s come to our wedding, he’s way more involved than I was expecting. I was thinking he’d say, “whatever you want,” to pretty much everything, but I’ve been surprised to see that he has definite ideas about certain things.

Mr. Traditional : wedding newport traditions Traditi source

For one, he does not want to see my dress before the wedding. We have it hanging in our house, mainly because I know he cares more about him not seeing it than I do. This also goes with the first look. It’s something I’d consider if we didn’t have a Catholic gap between our ceremony and reception. But on the other hand, he would not have considered it at all. He wants to see me for the first time as I walk down the aisle. So we will be sleeping in different hotel rooms the night before, so he doesn’t catch a glimpse of me on the wedding day until I walk down the aisle. He also really wants “people” cake toppers, because “you have to have them” (I’m not so sure about this).

Earlier this week I asked him about ceremony music, and he looked at me in a confused manner. He figured that the bride walks down to “Here comes the Bride”. I had to explain there are many more options, but I always envisioned walking to this, so the choice was pretty easy. We’re still working on the rest of the ceremony.

After two years of planning, I’ve definitely come to see a different side of Mr. Starfish. His usual “whatever makes you happy” attitude was replaced with, “but these are traditions” attitude. It was not really what I was expecting. I just always assumed he followed traditions because I did, so it was fun to learn they are important to him, too. Although, if one of us is really opposed to a tradition like the garter toss, we say, “whatever makes you happy,” and skip the traditions that don’t make sense for us.

Did you see another side of your fiance during the planning process?

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26 Responses to “Mr. Traditional”

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Member

AlmostMrsG (message) 394 posts, Helper bee

Great post! Mr. G is the same way. He was confused about the walk down the aisle music too!

8/14/10 @ 7:07 pm (reply)

Member

Ms. MoxieMonkey (message) 318 posts, Helper bee

Oh, my SO is the same way - and we aren’t even engaged yet! He went from saying “I only care about 3 things” to having about 90 opinions on everything - mostly the traditional stuff. He cracks me up.
I can’t wait until we actually start planning to see what else he comes up with!

8/14/10 @ 7:30 pm (reply)

Member

mannellal (message) 484 posts, Helper bee

My fiance is the same way as yours! He is normally very laid back and hardly has an opinion… except for something involved in the wedding! It is so funny to watch him contemplate shades of purple hah

8/14/10 @ 7:54 pm (reply)

Member

jlp2w71611 (message) 298 posts, Helper bee

I feel like I could have written this.. everything you are saying sounds SO familiar & we’re getting married at a Catholic for him. Just a few weeks ago I was talking about wanting really different ceremony music & he did one of those “what do you mean? there’s already music for that” We are only 1 year into planning so this next year should be VERY interesting

8/14/10 @ 8:22 pm (reply)

Member

scout (message) 46 posts, Newbee

My love is the same way. Normally laid back but when it came to the wedding he is the one who insisted on a more traditional wedding of 150 peeps then my choice of 25 close family and wedding party only. He also wants to know NOTHING about what I will wear and to not see me that day until the ceremony.
Funny boy. Really I should jump for joy that he cares for me enough to care about these things.

8/14/10 @ 8:29 pm (reply)

Member

thefuturemrsherdt (message) 78 posts, Worker bee

Mine is the opposite. He’s so opinionated normally but it’s all “whatever you want” when it comes to wedding planning. I finally got sick of it and told him he’d better give me an honest opinion because when we’re 2 weeks away and he decides he doesn’t like something it’s gonna be too late lol

8/14/10 @ 9:28 pm (reply)

Member

LittlestBirds (message) 2,605 posts, Sugar bee

I was also surprised by the things my husband cared about during our planning process. For the most part he did just say “Whatever you want,” but he cared quite a bit about some things, such as not seeing the dress before the wedding day. He got really freaked out whenever I put on my wedding band too! I think he didn’t want any bad juju.

8/14/10 @ 9:38 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Glasses (message) 2,741 posts, Sugar bee

Mr. Glasses has been pretty go with the flow except for two things: he wants to wear a tux, and he doesn’t want a first look. Which I have some objections to. Hmmm….

8/14/10 @ 10:58 pm (reply)

Member

eileen marie (message) 1,662 posts, Bumble bee

My husband was the same way! I didn’t realize the gap had a name! (Catholic gap!). I didn’t think my husband would want a whole lot of input, but oh boy was I wrong. He is as much of a traditionalist as I was and was almost as into wedding planning as I was. It’s a chore to try to get him to pare down our wedding memorabilia -he wants to keep everything!

8/15/10 @ 1:13 am (reply)

10.

Member

Miss Sequoia (message) 394 posts, Helper bee

Absolutely! I love how my FH has investigated traditions and what we should and shouldn’t do according to etiquette…not only is it endearing, it’s useful for both of us and I’m learning a lot! Of course, we will still politely ignore the ones we disagree with…

8/15/10 @ 3:01 am (reply)

11.

Bee

Mrs. Pin Cushion (message) 1,012 posts, Bumble bee

I think you can totally be a liberal and a tradionalist (at least most of the time)!

8/15/10 @ 4:21 am (reply)

12.

Guest

Bridesmaid 101

Oh he is so romantic!
I remember when I was getting married and we’ve slept in different rooms too, it was totally worth it!
I’d go with the flow on your place, he seems like a great guy.

8/15/10 @ 6:04 am (reply)

13.

Bee

Miss Socks (message) 1,323 posts, Bumble bee

That’s so funny! They always choose the oddest things to really care about, don’t they? (haha people cake toppers)

Mr. Socks was DREADING planning our wedding because he thought it would be all very traditional and didn’t think it was “us.” It didn’t take long to persuade him that we didn’t have to do everything according to tradition!

8/15/10 @ 8:29 am (reply)

14.

Guest

Magdalena

FI and are both very traditional, conservative, conventional etc in our regular lives… until we started planning the wedding! Suddenly I am making all these indie-non-traditional suggestions! Mostly because I hate a big fuss, I hate being the center of attention and I like to save money. And besides most of the big fluffy “wedding traditions” are only fifty years old or something anyway…

So I don’t want to have a wedding party, or a limo, I want to get married in the morning and serve a brunch, I want to skip the bouquet toss, and so on and so forth…

But FI apparently believes there is a Wedding Bible written many years ago that must be followed to the T. I wish I had a camera handy to capture the look of horror on his face when I suggested we have no dancing.

I guess the good thing is it gives us extra practice in the art of compromise!

8/15/10 @ 9:14 am (reply)

15.

Guest

alicepub

It is so classic wedding photo!! Some featured customs are never changed in traditional wedding. But I am not the same way, and I like more trendy things!!

8/15/10 @ 10:36 am (reply)

16.

Guest

Teresa M

@Magdalena:

I hear you there on the “I don’t want to be the center of attention” stuff…. an acquaintance is having a total of 3 showers. I think I would die if I had one and it was family awkwardly watching me open presents. Also… my b/f and I are the most awkward dancers- are you avoiding the first dance?

8/15/10 @ 10:59 am (reply)

17.

Bee

Miss Stripes (message) 1,063 posts, Bumble bee

LOL. I was totally surprised by some of the traditions that F Stripes cared about too- cutting the wedding, first dance, etc… It’s so funny how deeply ingrained “traditional” wedding ideas are, even if we consider ourselves pretty untraditional!

8/15/10 @ 12:12 pm (reply)

18.

Member

jordynrose (message) 6,351 posts, Bee Keeper

How interesting that Mr. S is so traditional about those things…especially people cake toppers. Who knew?

8/15/10 @ 2:25 pm (reply)

19.

Member

MissBecca (message) 1 posts, Wannabee

Just wanted you to know that you are not the only one who ran into this! the people on the cake…yea, that was a battle in which many a tear was shed! considering future hubby hasn’t been to a wedding in over 10 yrs he has no idea how they have changed!

8/15/10 @ 3:40 pm (reply)

20.

Member

Magdalena (message) 635 posts, Busy bee

@Teresa M: I told FI that if we had to have a first dance, our marriage would last only the approximately 45 minutes between the vows and when the reception begins. Because I will crumple on the floor and die, die, die.

I’m so shy, I’m still pretty awkward with his family even though we have been spending more time together. I definitely do not want to show off my dancing “skills” for them. Mr. Dancing Fiend claims that I will “change my mind,” whatever.

8/15/10 @ 4:31 pm (reply)

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