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Mrs. Sand Dollar, Houston Age and Occupation: 24, Graphic Designer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 22, Electrical Technician Engagement Date: January 8, 2010 Wedding Date: September 2010 Venue: MacLean Park About Me: I'm a domestic diva down to the core. I heart cooking, sewing, baking, decorating and making sure we have a hand-crafted home. The best part about the wedding is I get to incorporate it all! I make sure I put my art degree to good use by screen printing, craft knife cutting, and a whole lotta graphic design. We're having a big-time party on a small-time budget, and I promise to show you a boot-scootin', barbecue-eatin', finger-lickin' good time! Mr. Sand Dollar and I spend most of our time on DIY projects or traipsing around the outdoors with our two pooches Rory and Juno. I'm looking forward to sharing our journey with all of you!
About Mrs. Sand Dollar

Just One of Those Times

August 15th, 2010 @ 1:40 pm by Mrs. Sand Dollar

It seems that there come times in a relationship where everything becomes a struggle. Nothing works out your way, and normally simple tasks become ten times more difficult. This summer has been one of those times for Mr. SD and me.

Just One of Those Times :  wedding houston relationships Img 432 IMG_432

Mr. SD has been a student for the past two years. His employer sent him to school to study up on electrical stuff (I have no earthly idea what he does), with the promise that he’ll come back to work with a hefty raise. How awesome is that? Unfortunately, Mr. SD is no financial planner.

It’s one of his greatest struggles. When I met him during his first semester there, he’d already blown through most of his student loan, as well as his savings. He got a little better with my influence, but we’ve had to have a lot of talks about being smart with money. I however, have been a budgeter since diapers. I was also the only one making an income, so I supported us throughout most of his school days. But this summer, oh this summer.

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Wedding expenses were on the rise, and I took a job that I knew I would love—contract graphic design from home, for a business I loved. Unfortunately that love didn’t always mean paychecks. One of our clients stiffed us big-time (we’re talking 25 grand), and it cost our 4-person team a month and a half of paychecks. Luckily, I had pre-paid my rent with my savings, so our cost of living each month was microscopic. But we did have to learn how to pinch and save, basically eliminating any “fun money”. Toss on top of that trying to plan a wedding, renovate a house on gift cards alone, and try to get him through his last semester at school. It’s enough to give anybody hives! We’ve had more stress than I ever thought I could handle. Oh, and yesterday my car finally hit the point where I can’t drive it until I repair it, which would cost us upwards of 2 grand. Did I mention that our paltry credit cards are maxed out, and we pay the bills by the skin of our teeth? Yeah. It’s been rough.

Just One of Those Times :  wedding houston relationships Img 430 IMG_430

Yet there’s a light at the end of this tunnel, and it’s called September 1st. It’s made everything bearable knowing he’ll be back at work, and we have iron-clad contracts in place ensuring me a paycheck. It’s really helped us as a couple, because we had to face an extremely stressful time before we even walked down the aisle. It gives me confidence that we’ll be able to take the challenges before us head-on. As hard as these four months have been, I think it was worth it to find out that not only can we handle it, but we can have our rough spots and still come out stronger. And to me, that’s what marriage is all about. Not just the good times, but all the pull-your-hair-out-stressful ones too.

Have you and your partner had any particularly rough times during your engagement? Did it make or break you as a couple?

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20 Responses to “Just One of Those Times”

1.
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Member
kmcconnell24 (message)  1 posts, Wannabee

Your post struck a cord with me. But it wasn’t during our engaged time together. It was literally right after we got married. It was the toughest year up to that point.

My husband made a bad business decision that forced him into bankruptcy. There were weeks when we just spilt a box of mac and cheese or a bag of ramen noodles. It was tough. But it brought us closer together. It had made any more trails that we’ve faced in our relationship easier to face. We know that we’re strong and that we are on the same page.

Finances are no joke. Fortunately, DH is seriously better with $$$ than I am… He handles our bills and savings. I’m so thankful that he keeps me in check…

Here’s looking forward to September 1st!! :)

 
2.
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Member
crayfish (message)  4,844 posts, Honey bee

Thank god Texas is relatively cheap to live in, right?! I remember when I was in college at Texas A&M, scraping by….moving to Boston made that 11x more difficult! That’s fantastic that you guys have been able to use this difficult time as a tool for growth!

 
3.
Miss Sequoia
Member
Miss Sequoia (message)  394 posts, Helper bee

I’m so sorry you guys have had a rough summer! It can be really scary when the finances aren’t working out. Rough patches can make you stronger, but man, it ain’t easy — best wishes as you go forward!

 
4.
Rosiebear
Member
Rosiebear (message)  219 posts, Helper bee

I can totally relate. FI is a grad student and between his summer pay cut, the upcoming wedding and ridiculous amounts of car repairs, we are struggling. We have gone through this before, and it makes us stronger and better with our money every time. Sometimes its just “just scraping by” weeks that really bring us together. We are also anxiously awaiting September 1st when his stipend goes back up and when wedding expenses are done with. It’s good to hear of others who experience the same!

 
5.
MissMLE
Member
MissMLE (message)  13 posts, Newbee

We’ve definitely been through that. Mr Lovely and me had a really difficult patch between July of 2009 and April of this year. My hours at work had been reduced from full time to part time, so I was on half the money I had been. But we had been ok up to then because he was still making good money… but then he was laid off. So, from July until April, he was trying (not very successfully) to be self employed. To say it was a struggle is a huge understatement. But when March came along, I got a new job… and a month later, so did he! And these are jobs we love that actually pay enough for us to save for our wedding and still have a little bit of play money leftover. I can’t tell you how much it showed us both that we can get through rough patches and come out the other side stronger in each other for it. It’s wonderful! And congratulations on getting through it together. :-)

 
6.
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Member
jlp2w71611 (message)  298 posts, Helper bee

Halfway through our engagement I feel that we starting to hit a rough patch.. his job is incredibly time demanding right now, a “former” friend has decided to go against us & tell other people bad things about us & the worst part about that is she works with him and it’s starting to affect his direct employees, I’m finally done with school now that I’ve finished my Master’s but have unsuccessfully been able to secure a teaching job for this school year with only one last chance that I’m still waiting to hear about, and with bills that will keep coming with a shrinkingly smaller cash flow and nervous about what’s next. The pressure of not spending much time together or always with his work people is getting to me and I’m just trying to figure out where is the light at the end of the tunnel & are we going to be able to make it? To our wedding day & in marriage? Thanks for this post, it got me thinking and has been nice to let out a little steam and unsure feelings I’ve been having.

 
7.
MissMargie
Member
MissMargie (message)  767 posts, Busy bee

So glad you shared this with us. My fiance and I haven’t been through something like this but I’m glad to know that you both survived it well and came out the better for it!

 
8.
Helstrong
Member
Helstrong (message)  943 posts, Busy bee

Glad things are starting to look up for you two! My fiance and I are currently going through an extremely rough patch right now. It isn’t money related, but it is very stressful, especially while planning a wedding!

 
9.
Member
MsBunting (message)  229 posts, Helper bee

Ugh. I feel ya.

 
10.
Bee Icon
Bee
Miss Glasses (message)  2,741 posts, Sugar bee

When our company went bankrupt and never paid us, kicked us out of our company apartments, it was rough. I found a new job within a month and moved in with my aunt but Mr. G suffered 2 more months without a paycheck and 2 unstable jobs in which he was let go in the span of 6 months. He would have left if it wasn’t for me. We’ve been through tough times and we are both about to be unemployed when we move to America and I’m really worried about this crap economy.

You both sound like you’re going through tough times but sound really strong to take on all that. “Ganbatte!” as we say in Japanese!

 
11.
kristindesigner
Member
kristindesigner (message)  53 posts, Worker bee

Way to go, Sand Dollars! It sucks when real life gets in the way of being engaged or even just in love. But now you’ve got some “if we got through that we can get through this” experience.

FI just graduated medical school in May, and while he’s finally got a paycheck coming in, being a first-year resident is not easy on the ol’ relationship. I’ve given it a name to help me laugh off the sucky times: SOMR Syndrome. That’s Significant Other of a Medical Resident Syndrome. At least I know it’s curable because residency can only last so long! LOL

 
12.
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Member
Bride109 (message)  298 posts, Helper bee

Yes. My sweetie lost his job about a month ago, and right now I’m working the summer as a daycare teacher. That ends Sept. 7th, and then I’ll be a substitute teacher. Like jlp2w71611, I may have a Master’s in teaching, but finding a job is difficult. Funding the wedding and keeping a close watch on finances has been difficult. Add that to normal wedding stress and *sigh* I totally feel like we have been tested by fire long before the actual wedding. The good thing is, though, I know now that we can make it. We’ve gotten through rough times and we’ll continue to. Keep your chin up. The sun always comes out. =-)

 
13.
Smirp
Member
Smirp (message)  64 posts, Worker bee

I feel ya.

I actually got on tonight hoping to find exactly this. The cost of our wedding is scaring me. I just switched jobs, as a server to a classier more expensive restaurant, but I’m only making minimum wage during the extensive training. And my FI is a student and intern, so come fall he is cutting hours. We are getting married in less than 3 weeks, and still have about 6 grand left to pay on everything all together. I have about $600 and he has about $2000. It’s just like.. How?
And we are buying a house. I’m not going to let this get any longer.
It’s just scary, is all.

 
14.
Bee Icon
Bee
Mrs. Pin Cushion (message)  1,012 posts, Bumble bee

I’m glad you guys are making it through. Only a few more weeks!!

 
15.
moderndaisy
Member
moderndaisy (message)  6,607 posts, Bee Keeper

You are doing such a good job being positive, it’s truly inspiring!

It wasn’t the end of the world, but at the last minute we were asked to pay for something that we thought a family member would be paying for. We had no say in choosing anything about the thing we had to pay for, so it was much pricier than we would have picked out had we known we would be paying and as a result all of the $ we received for our wedding just made us break even. Obviously could have been worse and I feel bad even complaining, but it does still kind of stink.

 
16.
bellelayne
Member
bellelayne (message)  57 posts, Worker bee

Wow, this brings back bad memories. I’m sure your guy is alot better than this. He is at least trying to secure a good future by going to school and he’s got his job waiting for him.
But here’s my sob story: I was engaged once before. He lost his job just three months after he proposed. During the whole time we dated he lived with his parents. His mother was on and off jobs finally just giving up and being unemployed. His dad was going to school over and over for different things so he brought in no money either. So after he lost his job for the next 9 months I helped him on and off. Mostly just food and stuff but things got bad fast. He was too good for this job, too good for that. He wouldn’t even take an overnight stocking job. He just didn’t care. Finally he moved back to Florida where I know he was happier and his old job was.

Now I’ve got a guy who doesn’t make the most but has a business and a second job. He isn’t afraid of hard work. YAY!

But like I said your man is so much better because he’s trying to better himself and he’s got a job lined up to go back to!

 
17.
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Guest
Teresa M

hang in there sweetie! money issues are so awful to have to discuss… I’m waiting for Sept 1st too so I can finally see my brother after her had a really awful surgery…

 
18.
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Guest
Anna

September 1st is just around the corner! Here’s hoping everything gets better by then so you can start out your married life with less stress.

This has been a summer of changes and major stressers for us as a couple, and it’s not how I envisioned our first summer as a married couple. Amongst other things, I’m facing a lot of uncertainty job-wise, and it’s really stressing me out. I quit my decent-paying (but emotionally unhealthy) job to finish up my degree in education, and I’m terrified about the fact that I am going to be out of the work-force for who knows how long. Luckily my husband is super supportive, but it’s been really hard for me to come to grips with, and it’s caused a lot of stress in our relationship.

 
19.
mspitcher
Member
mspitcher (message)  60 posts, Worker bee

One month after we got engaged, my FI was let go due to cutbacks at his company. At that point we were not living together, but he had a mortgage with two roommates. His family pressured me to move into his house to help him financially but I resisted at first because I wanted to move in on my own terms. I thought about it for a few days and then told him that I would move in with him if it was needed — I knew he would have done it for me, no questions asked.

Luckily he was approved for unemployment and after eight long months he found a new and better job (with less pay) just before I moved in.

It was, without a doubt, the hardest time in our relationship but it forced us to learn how to handle our conflicts better, to communicate better, and how to support one another in times of REAL trouble. I wouldn’t go back to that time at all, but now I know we can survive it.

 
20.
Miss Sand Dollar
Bee
Miss Sand Dollar (message)  1,305 posts, Bumble bee

Wow, it’s crazy to see how many couples are in the same boat. It’s rough, but worth it. I’d rather have things this way then always have happy times but a shallow relationship. Hopefully, though, we’ll have a bit more balance with the happy times than the hard ones.

 

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Mrs. Sand Dollar
Mrs. Sand Dollar

Mrs. Sand Dollar, Houston Age and Occupation: 24, Graphic Designer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 22, Electrical Technician Engagement Date: January 8, 2010 Wedding Date: September 2010 Venue: MacLean Park About Me: I'm a domestic diva down to the core. I heart cooking, sewing, baking, decorating and making sure we have a hand-crafted home. The best part about the wedding is I get to incorporate it all! I make sure I put my art degree to good use by screen printing, craft knife cutting, and a whole lotta graphic design. We're having a big-time party on a small-time budget, and I promise to show you a boot-scootin', barbecue-eatin', finger-lickin' good time! Mr. Sand Dollar and I spend most of our time on DIY projects or traipsing around the outdoors with our two pooches Rory and Juno. I'm looking forward to sharing our journey with all of you!

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