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From the beginning of our engagement, Mr. Cardigan and I have planned to keep our honeymoon a secret. The idea was, he would plan it, and I would show up and have fun—not knowing anything about it until it actually happens.
(Source) Mr. Cardy’s lips are sealed!
When I first blogged about this, many of you commended us for being so strong, and for holding out and not spoiling the surprise. At the time, I just smiled and thought to myself, “No big deal! I love the idea of a surprise, and so does he. This will be so easy.”
Oh, how I’m eating my words.
Let me explain. Mr. Cardigan is one of those people who needs someone else to share things with. He likes to share the little joys in life with someone else, and he has a hard time getting excited about an event if no one is there to get excited with him. He also thrives on being able to share his struggles and stresses with me when something is troubling him.
However, when it comes to the honeymoon, he doesn’t really have anyone to share it with. Sure, there are a few people who know where we’re going, but since they aren’t actually going to be going on the trip with us, it’s hard for them to muster up the proper level of excitement. On top of that, Mr. Cardy is having a hard time figuring out what we can afford, and what exactly is enough “stuff” to do while we’re there, and it’s really stressing him out. And he has no one to talk to about it.
We had a long talk about the whole situation tonight, and I could visibly see the internal struggle he’s dealing with here. On one hand, he knows how excited I am about this surprise. He knows that I’ve spent a full year now imagining the moment when we walk in the airport and I discover where we’re going. He wants to give me that moment so badly.
But, on the other hand, he’s really having a hard time right now. He’s struggling with getting excited about a vacation that’s five months away, and on top of that he’s feeling like it’s going to be inadequate because he doesn’t have many extras planned. He says that if he could tell me where we are going, then I would be able to get excited about the little things and help remind him that we don’t need a ton of stuff to do to be happy.
If it were up to me, it would remain a surprise. I want this surprise so badly, and I’m looking forward to it more than I can put into words. But at the same time, I hate seeing him sad like this, and I can’t stand the thought of five more months of him being sad about our honeymoon!
Mr. Cardigan has no idea what he would choose if it was up to him. He keeps going back and forth, and he can’t really decide what he wants. I told him to wait it out for a few days, and see if he still really wants to tell me about the honeymoon, but he’s more of an instant gratification type of guy, and he wants to make a decision now.
It was actually his idea to ask the hive what y’all think. He wanted some opinions on the pros and cons of sharing the honeymoon location, and he wanted you to tell him whether you think he’s just being silly and should just suck it up, or if he should spill his guts so we can be excited about the honeymoon together.
So what’s your opinion? Should we spoil the surprise and share in the excitement, or should Mr. Cardy stop being such a baby and keep it to himself?
I am EXACTLY like Mr. Cardy. I need to get excited with someone else - it is half the fun! Is there a day that you can celebrate between now and your wedding like an anniversary or birthday that he can share it with you and it can be special and you can get excited together then?
I don’t know. If I were Mr. Cardy, I would tell you. It would ruin half the fun of a vacation for me - the anticipation and the planning with your significant other. But I am the same type of person as Mr. Cardy so my opinion might not count.
My vote is to keep it a secret. So much more fun! I guess the real question is, how important is it that he get excited right now about the honeymoon? Is it more important than your airport moment when you find out where you’re going?
What if Mr. Cardy let a couple of bees in on the honeymoon secret? That way, he could get their input on activities and such, and he’d have a whole bushel of excited ladies to gossip with? He’d get expertise and giddiness in one swell package. And all this could happen via private message…so you wouldn’t be tempted to wander into a thread.
Is this something he’d go for?
My vote is for making Mr. Cardy a guest blogger! He gets to share his excitement with the hive and get our input as well and also keep it a secret from you. Best of both worlds 
ok so heres my two sense: I think he should tell you, wait! before you go all sad cardigan on me, let me explain why:
The honeymoon is a celebration of the union of the two of you, so much like the ceremony and reception, the honeymoon should be an expression of you both and what you enjoy doing the most. Now whether that means lounging on the beach somewhere or hitting up all the museums (like Mrs. Taffy!), it should be a collaboration between the two of you so that when you go on your honeymoon, you can be assured that it will be a balance of things that you BOTH like to do, not just one sided. It is putting a lot of pressure on Mr. Cardy trying anticipate everything thing that you would want to do. I know this because my FI is so much like Mr. Cardy. He wants to share all the details with me, all the time, so we can share in both the joys and sorrows of every moment.
But much like me, I know you are one for surprises so here is what i suggest. Have Cardy plan something special for your honeymoon, not the whole trip, just set aside one evening or one day and let him surprise you with something unexpected. You won’t know what the suprise is until the day of. An example. He could arrange for a sunset picnic on the beach, complete with candles. Or whatever he thinks you will love! This way there is still an element of suprise, but no one is stressed (or sad) in the months leading up to the honeymoon. Good luck with the decision!
No!!! Keep it a secret! It would be fun to know now, but think how cool and exciting it will be to have the surprise!!
I have a hard time figuring out what to do since if I were in your situation I would want him to tell me ASAP… I’m the sort of person who would rather make decisions together than be surprised (this is a big part of why he didn’t propose to me).
That said, I think that your wanting it to be a surprise puts a lot of pressure on him. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t want it or he shouldn’t surprise you, but I do think that’s something to put into your decision. How does he usually work under pressure? How is he at predicting what you like? And how is he at planning vacations? This may be part of why he’s getting stressed about it… it’s a lot of little details to iron out by himself and also a lot of pressure.
Can there just be a surprise activity he plans and let you help with the rest of the details? I planned most of the honeymoon on my own, but I needed reassurance from Ribs that he was interested in stuff I was planning. Seems like a lot of pressure!
@MissDoodles: I love the idea of him being a guest blogger!
I definitely think he should try and find a message board whether here or some other travel site where he can share ideas and questions with people who have gone to the same place and reassure him.
I can understand all the pressure he feels. It is a lot to hope that the whole trip goes smoothly as I am sure he wants it too, and if it doesn’t, he will feel like it’s all his fault. You seem like a really laid back person and wouldn’t be mad if everything didn’t go perfectly because you know he tried his hardest.
If he does decide to reveal the location, he should at least do it in a fun way or build that up in a fun surprise way.
Good luck you two!
I think making him a guest blogger would be a fantastic idea.. he can get the help and support he would need from all the bees, for sure!
I agree with @MissDoodles and Anna, he should share his planning with the Bees. Maybe not as a guest blogger since I know I would peek and ruin the surprise, but via some good sharing with some Bees that have gotten to know you over your time as a Bee. This way he can bounce ideas off of them, build excitement and still surprise you!
It is such a neat idea to have the honeymoon be a surprise, and I can see why it is something that you are hesitant to give up. I can also imagine that your fiance has mixed feelings because he knows how excited you are about the surprise. Yet, sometimes the idea of something can take away from the purpose of that thing when we get too caught up in it. The purpose of the honeymoon is to celebrate your new life together and not to be surprised. If the surprise aspect is getting in the way of one or both of you being able to be excited about and look forward to the honeymoon, it does not seem worth it to me. Whether you know where you are going or not, in 5 months you will be on your honeymoon as husband and wife… don’t let the desire for a surprise put a bad taste in either of your mouths about such a special trip.
Hmm. I can see both sides of this and it’s a pickle. But that’s not helpful. So. I am going to say that if you *really really* want the moment in the airport when you find out where you’re going, assure Mr. Cardy that no matter what, he’ll pick an amazing place and you’ll be happy…but only if that’s the case.
I can see where Mr. Cardy is coming from, because I’m the exact same way. I can’tt even wait to give Mr. FF his birthday presents b/c I can’t stand the anticipation and excitement and I want him to be as excited as I am over whatever I got.
It sounds like Mr. Cardy is a “people pleaser” or maybe just a “Miss Cardy pleaser” and he just wants you to be as excited/happy/into whatever he’s planning along with him. Like you said, people like this get even *more* joy when they share it with someone else (which is awesome for marriage, btw) so I would lean towards letting him tell you and then getting excited about it together.
Is talking to your parents out of the question? I guess that doesn’t completely solve the getting excited together part, but since your parents have known you the longest they may be able to guide him best. My FI’s parents know all about our finances (they helped us buy our home, and we’re really close) so they’d be able to estimate how much is too much, maybe you guys are in a similar situation?
Other than that, I like the idea of having Mr. Cardy ask some hive members who you’re close to! Good luck, I hope it can remain a surprise for you!
Agreed! Guest blogging or posting on the message boards would be huge! But if he doesn’t want to do that, then I think sharing where but planning some surprise “extras” would be the next best thing.
PS - How cute is it that he suggested turning to the hive?!?
I vote to keep it a surprise! My husband planned our entire honeymoon all by himself and it was a complete surprise to me until after the wedding. I was so excited about it, and he had such a fun time planning it because he planned things he wanted to do, but knew I would like also. We were gone for 6 days, and he planned activities for every other day, so that we wouldn’t be too tired and that we could enjoy our stay. Our honeymoon was perfect.
He should tell you, and then plan a surprise activity or excursion. That way it will be like a trip within a trip. It’s freaking hard to plan a surprise vacation. I always plan mine and my husband’s vacations and let me tell you, if I didn’t have him to bounce ideas off of, I’d freak out.
My vote is to keep it a surprise from you! Guest blogging would be awesome (dont’ know how feasible though).. What about him asking some of your closest friends/family for ideas about little extras you’d like?
Keep it a secret. At least from you.
Perhaps he could tell your best friend and get advice there? Or maybe your Mom and Dad?
Or maybe he can fill us in on where you will be going!? And we can help him figure some fun thigns out
Try to keep it a surprise, you sound like you really love that idea.
So here’s a thought to help him channel his enthusiasm.
Perhaps he could buy a travel book(s), print some internet articles, do research on stuff to do, what to see, where to eat. (highlight the good stuff)
Basically he can create a little “visitor’s
package” for you.
Maybe include a brochure from the hotel you’re staying at.
Some excellent restaurants/sights/activities near where you’re staying.
Some brief info on transportation if you’re going somewhere else and things to see and do there.
He can present it to you on the plane, and that way you arent flying blind (haaa a pun) into it.
He’ll keep plenty busy in next months, and you’ll have SOME idea of what to do on your surprise honeymoon after he’s sprung the surprise.
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Mrs. Cardigan, Austin Age and Occupation: 21, Student/Soon-to-be Special Education Teacher Fiance's Age and Occupation: 20, Student/Soon-to-be Accounting Systems Analyst Engagement Date: August 16, 2009 Wedding Date: January 2011 Venue: Vintage Villas About Me: I'm a native Austinite who was raised as a die-hard Aggie. Luckily, I'm a pretty persuasive girl because I managed to convince my high school boyfriend (now fiance!), Mr. Cardigan, to ditch his hardcore Longhorn ways and join me up at A&M, where we currently reside with our adorable dogs, Cullen & Ranger. We're currently planning a bright, cheery wedding with a ridiculous amount of DIY projects that I can't wait to tackle! I love crafting in any form, reading, and margaritas (I think I love them the most!). Organization is what keeps me sane and I love helping others, which is probably why I ended up as an education major. It gets a little chaotic sometimes when you're planning a wedding among all of the papers, projects, finals, and certification exams, but we're having the time of our lives and we can't wait to get started on our journey as husband and wife - and we're so excited to share our wedding with the hive!
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