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It’s been a painful and frustrating couple of months in the Locket household, and with my parents separating and an ever-growing rift between my father and me, it has become quite clear that he no longer wishes to attend my wedding. I am very upset and conflicted about the whole situation and have found myself dealing with a slurry of emotions.
Since the separation, my father has decided (due to God’s will) it is not in the cards for him to be part of mine or my family’s lives anymore. And, that partaking in any events related to our lives would be going against his beliefs because in his eyes we are contaminants to his soul. He even went as far to tell me it was against God’s will for us to marry because God didn’t provide him with money to continue to help fund the wedding.
I don’t care so much about the money. What I do care about is that I will no longer have the option of having him walk me down the aisle or partaking in our father/daughter dance, and it saddens me. I know it seems I should be angered by the situation, but he is still my father; and up until a couple of months ago, I had always envisioned him walking me down the aisle and giving me away. Up until a couple of months ago he still felt like my father, but today he says the father I knew is dead and gone away.
He has found a new life (which he has been seeking since he was born) in which he can no longer be part of our worldly ways; a life that doesn’t condone how we run ours. I’d rather not get into all the details because any talk of religion or spiritual beliefs can stir up controversy, but what I will say is that God has other plans for Mr. L and me. Plans that support this union and plans that are making it happen despite my own father’s shortcomings. He may have tested us and set up roadblocks here and there, but in the end he has brought good people into our lives and given us hope that we can make this all happen.
So here I am…conflicted, confused, trying to make sense of all that is happening, and doing my best to keep dry eyes whenever I see photos of brides with their fathers.
Any other brides missing out on the traditional father roles in their weddings? What are you doing to adjust?
My DIL had to go through this, and I know it’s really hard. Big hugs to you. Your wedding day will be special still.
I’m really, really sorry to hear about all of this, my dear…And ultimately, it’s his loss to miss this momentous occasion in your life…Big hugs!
My mom’s dad (my grandpa) left my grandma a few months before my moms wedding and only a few weeks after celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary. He called the house told my uncle that he would not be coming home and that my uncle needed to tell my grandma. So obviously not very nice. My mom ended up having her brother in law walk her down the aisle.
Aww man, Im really sorry. Its his loss and all that, but I cant imagine how hurt you are.
I’m sure there are many boys/men/male people in your life that would be THRILLED to walk you down the aisle or dance a special dance with you.
Hugs.
I’m so sorry to hear this! I love the strength and resilience you’ve shown in this post though. I guess you just have to focus on marrying the man of your dreams!
I am so sorry to hear that. However you seem like a really strong and amazing person to be taking all of this as well as you are!
Wow, I can’t say that I’ve ever heard of a situation like that, it’s very sad. I actually teared up reading your post. It kills me that you don’t even have that option with your Dad right in front of you, that he is making that decision for you. But it also hurts me because I always knew my Dad would walk me down the aisle, never a doubt in my mind. I was a Daddy’s Girl all the way and had been looking forward to this moment my whole life. My Dad passed away 4 years ago and left me to do this on my own. I know he will be there in spirit, but its just not the same and I will never get that feeling and that picture that I always knew I would have.
I have decided to have my grandpa walk me down the aisle (my mom’s dad) who is a great alternative. I am also skipping the father/daughter dance because I don’t really have any desire to dance with anyone in the place of my Dad.
I am so sorry for your situation and I hope that it all works out for the best. I honestly don’t believe that God would tell him to abandon his family for any reason, he has a responsibility to you.
If it will help at all (I don’t know if it will) here is a bible verse about a persons responsibility to their family.
Timothy 5:8- But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
Things That Make Me Cry: this post. I am so sorry Miss Locket. What an awful thing to happen before your wedding. Just remember to lean on your man when you need him…it may be before your wedding, but y’all are already going through your “good times and in bad”… Good luck! You will still have a wonderful walk down the aisle, I promise!
I’m so so sorry to hear this. I know no one can replace your father but I hope you have another male figure in your life that would be honored to take his place at your wedding. Good luck to you!
My dad will be there, although our relationship has been strained over the years (parents divorced when I was 3), I am grateful that he is still in my life and that our relationship is slowly improving. Just focus on the man who can’t wait to marry you and the wonderful life the two of you will have together! ( I know, it sucks regardless)
i’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. what are you going to do as alternatives?
my dad passed away earlier this year and he was really looking forward to the wedding. i get teary eyed seeing those pictures and knowing he won’t get to have his moment like he dreamed of. in his absence, i plan on walking down the aisle and dancing with my mom.
My father and I were always at least somewhat close. But he has always had a habit of saying hurtful things and expecting that I should be okay with it. A little over a year ago he finally crossed a line with me and I told him he could apologize or he could lose me. He has chosen not to apologize ever since. So I will not have my father at my wedding. I will walk down the aisle alone. I will not have a sweet dance with him. And I will pretend it doesn’t bother me. I will also tell you it’s all an act and I very much wish my father would come to his senses. But he just won’t, so there it is.
All of that is to say I get it. And I’d fly out there and walk you down the aisle myself if I thought it would solve anything. Unfortunately, no one can really do much to make it better at this point. But you have my empathy as someone who understands exactly what it all feels like.
I’m so sorry you have to go through this. I’m a little curious if he converted to being a Jehovah’s Witness. I was raised a JW and it sounds an awful lot like their belief system. I too did not have my father at my wedding. I’m not for a second going to say that it didn’t make me sad to not have A father there but in reality, having MY father there would have been awful for me. Your wedding will be wonderful and beautiful no matter what. Good luck!
Both my step-father and my real father were unable to (or chose not to) fulfill the traditional father of the bride roles at my wedding. So, instead, my two older brothers walked me down the aisle and I had a mother-daughter dance.
I’m sorry to hear about the situation with your dad. Personally, I’ve never known my biological father because he left my mother while she was pregnant and I had a horrible stepfather that I stopped speaking to as soon as I turned 18.
Instead, my mother’s father walked me down the aisle. He was my first real father figure and I called him “Dad-dad” instead of “Granddad” when I was little so I think it was perfect. My uncle (mother’s sister’s husband) was always around when I was growing up and also served as a father figure. He would’ve stood in just fine if Granddad couldn’t manage the walk.
No father-daughter dance for me and no mother-son dance for my husband. Neither of us likes being on display that much. We tried to get people to join us in the first dance, but no one wanted to cut in on our spotlight. Instead, all the couples were forced to dance on the next song and the dance floor never emptied again.
Hey lady - so sorry that you’re dealing with all of this right now. Sending extra happy thoughts your way!
Such a heavy weight to be put on you while your are planning your wedding. I know you are grieving for your father’s decisions, but it sounds like you are being very strong.
I lost my father three years ago to cancer, and while I will most likely have my mother or one (or both) of my brothers walk with me and share a dance with me, nothing will replace my father being there. I feel your pain and hope you are able to focus on the bliss of getting married on your day. Happy thoughts.
Oh hun! The timing absolutely sucks!!! Many many e-hugs headed your way!
I am going through an extremely similar situation. I am having my grandfather walk me down the aisle, and I wll try to be happy with that alone. My entire father’s side of the family has shut me out as well, so my way of dealing with it has basically been to ‘forgive and forget.’ We each have to live with our own decisions and within God’s will. time will only tell who was “right” in the end. Be strong! and just pray & hope your fiance will be the father and strong figure for your little girl (should you have one, one day!) that your father wasn’t for you.
Miss Locket.. this is really terrible. I’ve read your prior posts which led up to this.. Your father is giving up on an amazing family. You have quite a number of siblings (i’m thinking back to the post of a family picture with you on the couch). It’s a shame that he feels this way and is about to go lead a different life.
He’s going to miss out on his daughter’s wedding and any additions you bring into this world.. He is the loser in this situation and you the winner for your wedding will be DRAMAFREE!
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Mrs. Locket, Ithaca, NY Age and Occupation: 25, Research Technician Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, former Banker hoping to become an Officer of the Law Engagement Date: June 15, 2009 Wedding Date: September 2010 Venue: Heron Hill Winery About Me: I am a little bit of everything all rolled into one: A girly gal with rough edges---I love to get dolled up just as much as I enjoy throwing on some sneaks to toss a ball with Mr. Locket. My love for crafting and creating is quite apparent and I've been referred to as a Wonder Woman/Martha Stewart/Stepford Wife hybrid (yup, I'll take that as a compliment). I adore sewing, photography, sculpture, good eats (mmm tapas), baking, snugging and oh, pretty much everything in between (there's not much I dislike). I am super excited to be planning our vineyard wedding and couldn't be happier to be marrying Mr. Locket. We are a quirky, fun-loving couple residing in our college town with our two pups Maple and Molly. We love to go on hikes, visit our local dog park and to bask in the beauty of many of the local falls and gorges. We are an indecisive pair, but together we somehow manage to make up our minds (it's the easy stuff that's tricky).
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