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We are now within a month of our wedding, and I don’t know how to turn off my brain.
Guys, I’ve never had a problem sleeping, like, ever. If I’m at a big, loud party and it’s way past my bedtime, I am very capable of finding a corner and sleeping quite well right there. I can sleep in cars, planes, tents, and on a nice blanket tossed outside. Or at least I have been until now.
Passed out in a crowded living room, even if you can’t see the crowd.
Usually when it’s time for bed, my head hits the pillow and I’m out, and I wake up five minutes before my alarm goes off. No problem! But the last few nights I’m tossing and turning for half an hour and then waking up half an hour before my alarm, and fine, that’s an hour less sleep, deal with it - except now I’m also waking up in the middle of the night. And I have no idea how to make this all stop.
Last week we went to the wine store that is providing the champagne for our wedding, and she gave me a few bottles to try at home. I decided that having a nice dinner with my family over was the perfect opportunity to try them out; Fancee wanted to wait until we had her mom here or at least one of her friends, or just have it be the two of us.
I completely fell apart. Full-out, racking sobbing over trying bottles of champagne later. And once I finally was able to talk, I blubbered, “I don’t want to add another thing to our to-do list!” Commence sobbing.
Yesterday someone asked me how the wedding planning is going, and isn’t it almost all done by now? Hah. We have 36 days to go and over 60 things on our to-do list. And I guess I know that it will all happen, all the important things will fall into place, but we are running out of time and apparently I am freaking out. I don’t know how to stop freaking out.
uh, stoic smiles as the countdown continues?
Two days ago I got up at 5:30 and paid all our bills. I feel like a crazy person. Then I emailed everyone who had emailed me wedding related stuff - yes, I want the hair flower in these colors, please; and we’re still on for the music, right?; and when can we meet to review the ceremony? and where is our rehearsal dinner?! - and after I finished that, I felt only more panicked.
Our wedding is sort of like Fancee in this picture: she’s fun and I want her and I love her, but dude, I am ready to not be carrying her around anymore.
Is anyone else experiencing this? I thought this only happened to other people, maybe people on stupid bridal television shows, maybe people who aren’t working hard enough. But when it’s not wedding-related, I’m waking up in a panic that I forgot to do a pet sitting job (this has never, ever happened) or that I messed up my work schedule. Do I need more exercise? Do I need a lobotomy? Should we cancel this whole wedding thing and just go to town hall? Someone, please fix me, I just can’t keep “functioning” like this for another 30 days.
Oh yeah, been there, felt that way…But it WILL all get done, I promise! And if it doesn’t, you won’t miss it on the wedding day anyways…Plus, panic is an excellent motivator!
I still have 6 months to go an am already feeling it! At least she’ll be done soon for you!
I feel so bad for you! I didn’t have the same experience leading up to our wedding but part of that is my personality and part of that was laziness (which is part of my personality!) I highly recommend reviewing your to-do list and re-writing some of it in pencil. Erase as needed…or at least maybe knowing it can be erased will offer some comfort? And keep your eye on your wonderful prize - you’ll be married to Fancee!!!
i was already a bad sleeper before the wedding madness. I hear you and I a in the exact same boat - sleeping way less than usual and freaking out over the wedding things still to be done. I find that periodically yelling “GAAAAAHHHHH” (either literally, or digitally with the help of a keyboard) helps.
Oh, yes, yes, and more yes. I had nightmares the other day that a wedding request I had sent would get mocked (it didn’t!) and I full on started sobbing yesterday because my invitations went out a week and a half ago, and I’ve gotten one response (and it’s our BM and MOH, so not a surprise there). All the while FI looks at me like I’m a crazy person, and truth be told, I feel like it.
I just keep telling myself that it is almost over, we’re almost through, and after that, things will settle down.
Right?
go outside, yell at the top of your lungs for about a minute, take a deep breath, then go inside and keep planning the wedding monkey on your back. When you feel the panic creeping in again, lather rinse, repeat.
I started sleeping through the night at 10 days old. I took an afternoon nap until I went to afternoon kindergarten. I put myself to bed at 8:00 until I was in high school. Now I put myself to bed at 10:00pm so that I get a lovely 9+ hours of sleep.
I am a girl who loves (and NEEDS) her sleep.
Since I’ve been engaged, I’m lucky if I only wake up twice during the night. This sucks!
My solution: Ambien. Cheating? Maybe. But if it lets me get a somewhat decent night’s sleep, I’ll do it. I usually take it once or twice a week.
Hahaha I love that the car is like “SCORE! Fleece and a warm body! I’m so cuddling up here!”. Our cat looks just like that :-). And I totally hear you on the not sleeping. I’ve also never had heartburn until we hit the one month mark before the wedding…
Two thoughts! 1) More exercise always helps me. Particularly hard, short exercise - like a good circuit or just sprinting up and down the block. It’s great stress release and it doesn’t take too long. It always makes me sleep better!
2) If that doesn’t work, I’m a big fan of melatonin. 2 mg makes me relax and sleep better (and hey, if it worked for the bar exam, hopefully it can handle a bit of wedding stress).
GOOD LUCK!
I hate to say it but I think the cure is time. When we hit our one month mark, I went from panic attack to we got this under control, then back again a few times leading up until this point, and right now I’m somehow an equal mix of both if that makes sense. Our wedding is in 2 days! It will go away (and then come back again, but go away again!) So that may not be the advice your looking for, but weddings are stressful!
I am soooo there right now and don’t see it changing anytime soon! I keep thinking HONEYMOON! HONEYMOON! and have been looking more forward to that lately than the wedding!
Ask yourself two questions: If some of the things don’t get done, what’s the worst that can happen? Also, what would make you feel in control right now? And find a way to be okay with the answer to the first question, and a way to make the answer to the second question come true.
I also agree with exercising, meditating, delegating, crossing things off that list (it feels great!)… Oh, and one thing that helped me was organizing my to do list into weekly chunks: 4 weeks out, 3 weeks out, etc. It helped me prioritize and also throw out things that really don’t matter anymore.
I with you SH! I can’t turn my brain off. The worst part is I don’t feel like I have anything interesting to talk to anyone about because my brain is all wedding all the time!! But I have been from panic to calm and back around again, so I know that there will be relief.
soon to be mrs. seahorse, you’ve done and have been doing a spectacular job! i can’t wait for your happy ending to all the pressure and on-going to-do lists. it’ll all have been worth it then. sunshiny perfect day straight ahead ; )
I’m still over 10 months away and I haven’t had a good night’s sleep since June!!
I felt more stressed with about a month to go than I do now (wedding on Saturday). A month ago our to do list was never ending, but now, although we still have some last minute to do stuff, I feel like we have gotten everything done in time. I am much more relaxed and feel confident that everything will get done.
So, from my experience, you are in the most stressful time, it will pass, and then it will be smooth sailing. . . . .
Definitely! I’ve never been a very good sleeper (FI says that mouse could fart 5 houses over and I would wake up). But hte past couple of weeks (we’re 2 months out) have been terrible…I just cannot turn my brian off. And I’m exhausted and starting to feel really overwhelmed. I’m thinking of picking up some melatonin to help because without sleep, I get migraines, and I do NOT want that to start! Hope it gets better…for all of us!!
Seahorse,
I got married last August, and it was the most wonderful day ever. And I only have one piece of advice that I will ever give to any bride (and I mean it from the bottom of my heart,)
Go to your doctor and get a sleeping pill. Or pills. Whatever you need.
I was like you. Had never had trouble sleeping. The three to four days before our weddding, I think I got 3 - 4 hours sleep - total.
The night before our wedding? Nada. Zip. Zilch.
I somehow thought that I would eventually sleep - I mean, I was so tired! And I had never had this before! Ever! Even in times of stress or excitement….
Well, sleep never ‘kicked in.’ Until the honeymoon.
And adrenalin pulled me through the day, and it was magical, our wedding. I love it so.
My only regret, (despite many things going wrong - and none of it mattered, because it was still magical,) my one and true only regret, is not getting enough sleep. I think I was in a slight fog, pulled only through by adrenalin.
Please, please, go get a sleeping pill(s).
I want you to be fully present on the day, and feel like you!
Exercise!!! It will help ease your worries, release some really lovely endorphins, AND hopefully help you get to sleep, just don’t go for a run at say 10 pm.
Make sure you sweat!
Best post title ever. So, I am a Smug Married (who still hasn’t quit the Weddingbee addiction) and I am here to tell you: It’s all going to be okay. I had a few sleepless nights, and then I started playing the “What’s the worst that could happen?” game. And I realized, the worst wasn’t that bad. Caterer doesn’t make it? We’ll order some Chic Fil A. DIY napkin project doesn’t get done? People won’t notice that they don’t have what they weren’t expecting. You are going to be surrounded by people who love you on your wedding day, not Professional Wedding Planners, and they will LOVE being there!
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Ms Seahorse, Boston Age and Occupation: 25, Veterinary Jane-of-all-trades Fiancee's Age and Occupation: 36, former non-profit fundraiser in search of something better Engagement Date: October 17, 2009 Wedding Date: September 2010 Venue: Fort Pond Lodge About Me: By day I'm a cat-wrangler, vet tech assistant, pet-sitter, receptionist, and pre-vet student, but the rest of the time, I'm a former-roller-derby girl turned dedicated-wedding planner. I love reading, writing, bicycles, animals, roller skating, and antique-y things of all sorts. I'm a vegetarian who likes spicy foods, while Fiancee Seahorse is a meat eater who does not like spices. We live outside Boston with our menagerie: a fifty pound dog, a one-eyed, seventeen-toed, toothless cat, and a perfectly put together cat who has a penchant for pooping near rather than in her litter box. In addition to planning our small lake-side wedding, we enjoy running around with the puppy, playing board games (Scrabble, anyone?), having little adventures, talking about how we should really clean the house more, and maintaining our little garden of vegetables and wedding flowers.
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