Weddingbee Blog

The start of 2010 brought a lot of change for me. After asking for a divorce and starting the filing process last year, I was convinced I’d become the crazy lady surrounded by her five pets for the rest of my life (which I honestly had no problem with). I had only dated one person my entire life, and ended up marrying him. I had absolutely no dating experience and didn’t really plan on putting myself out there. I figured no one would be interested in a woman who had recently split from her husband because that is a lot of baggage (plus the fact that I have five pets is a deal breaker, I mean come on now), and honestly I didn’t really care or mind being single. That was until I hit it off with someone and realized I’d spend my life full of regret if I didn’t give the chemistry we have together a chance.

I’ve finally grown to trust my gut and knew all signs pointed to yes, but I was worried about what my friends and family would say. What kind of person starts dating someone so soon after going through a divorce?

The kind of person who finally stumbles upon what a loving, balanced relationship should feel like. I loved my ex, but it wasn’t a fair kind of love, if that makes sense. I spent a majority of our relationship and marriage feeling more like a mother and less like a lovah (pronounced “lovahhhhhhhhhh“). My maternal instincts were kicking in, but rather than have children I wanted to nurture this man who I knew needed me. I don’t mean to put my ex in negative light at all, but splitting apart was the best thing I could have done for him if I truly loved him, because I knew it would force him to work on healing himself and focusing on his past. After being together for seven years, I was still waiting for him to grow. It wasn’t fair for me to marry him thinking he would magically become this person I needed him to be. It sounds cheesy, but he really needed to love himself before he could love anyone else, which I had wrongly convinced myself would happen once we were married and settled down. He made a major switch, but for the worst, which was all I needed to realize that I should stop pondering what could have been and admit to myself that I deserved a partner that was able to give and take equally. I knew that he needed to be on his own, focus on himself and grow into his own person because our relationship hadn’t been healthy for a long time and it wasn’t fair to either of us to kid each other. I felt like I was being selfish because for the first time in a long time, I was putting myself first, but I knew deep down in my heart, and in my head, that I needed to do it.

A relationship began to bloom with this new guy (let’s call him Pete, shall we?) and I couldn’t believe how happy I was. In the beginning, I felt slightly guilty for feeling such joy when I knew I had caused so much pain with my ex. Luckily I know that the change was for the best on both ends. My ex has sought treatment for his disorder (both medical and counseling) and has done a total 360–he has a new job and a positive outlook on life, which I honestly never really saw from him before. The more my relationship with Pete grew, the more apparent it became that I was finally in a healthy, stable relationship. To be honest, I didn’t know a relationship could be this easy. We spent all of our free time together and it was becoming more and more serious. I was spending weekends with his family and he had met mine (and hit it off with them!), along with meeting each other’s friends. Weekend sleepovers transitioned into searching for an apartment together, which turned into us renting our own little private home in the woods (or at least one floor of it).

This year marks the happiest I have ever been. I have created my own successful photography business, Fromage Photography, from scratch, I have my illustration work for sale in one of my favorite stores, I have a major airport art exhibition, I moved into a beautiful apartment with my wonderful boyfriend and I’ve been keeping busy blogging about all of the above to a strong support group. I never thought this year would turn out this way, but it just goes to show not everything can be planned, especially when a type A girl meets a type B boy and falls madly in love.

As a side note, it was just as important to me that my pooch (Betty White) approved of the new man in my life. She was previously abused before I adopted her from the SPCA, so she has always been very hesitant to trust anyone other than me. I was so relieved when I saw how much she took a liking to Pete and now she doesn’t leave his side (she likes him more than me these days, so I’m secretly a wee bit jealous and try to win her heart with Beggin’ Strips). We’re working on training her together and helping her become more relaxed in everyday doggy life.

In the meantime, we’re just living each day to the fullest together and thanking our lucky stars that life has been so good to us.

Has anyone else had a broken relationship that quickly led to the unexpected, and how did your friends and family respond? I am so lucky to have a group of people in my life who see how genuinely happy I am for the first time in a long time, and adore Pete for the amazing guy that he is. I hope the readers of Weddingbee will be just as understanding and realize that sometimes life brings an unforeseen sigh of relief to those who are in need a breath of fresh air.