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Hello there hive! I know I’ve gone MIA in the past 3 months; waiting for your pro pics to arrive is definitely a study in patience.
However, in the days/weeks after our wedding, I’ve been going through an incredibly varied range of emotions. For the first couple of weeks after the event, all of our family and friends couldn’t stop talking about the day. We reminisced about the fun we all had, and how smoothly everything ran. It was bliss.
Then a few more weeks passed. The online photo gallery became available to us, and the questions and nit-picking started to occur. I was officially depressed.
This is the thing: it doesn’t make a lick of sense. We had a wonderful day, overall. The weather was lovely, Mr. Buttons and I were able to share our wedding day with our family and friends, and the party was a fabulous time. So, why the heck am I upset over it?
Here, I’ll make you a list of a few things:
I think that during the wedding planning process, it is easy to become enraptured with the ideal. You and your FI will have a stunning wedding and reception, you will head off on an incredibly romantic honeymoon, and then return to newlywed bliss… for eternity. Now, I don’t want to be a Debbie Downer, but if you haven’t already guessed, the ideal is not what most people are going to experience. Don’t get me wrong; I love Mr. Buttons, and the life that we have together right now is very happy. VERY happy. However, we definitely feel like we’ve missed out on a few things.
The most common question I get asked nowadays i,s “how is married life? Are you loving it?” I never know what to say to them. Married life feels… the same. Mr. Buttons and I have a similar schedule to before the wedding. Sure, we live together now, but the two of us already had a routine that we were comfortable with. I guess I figured that I would feel a little bit different. And… maybe we will… when we finally get to have a honeymoon in some shape or form (aka spend uninterrupted time together to really enjoy one another). Or, maybe that “newlywed bliss” feeling is just something I will never have. I guess I’ll have to check back in with you in a few months to let you know about that…
So, before my recaps officially begin, I just wanted to put these thoughts out on the table. Many bees before me have talked about post-wedding depression, and I hate to say it… but it is indeed real. You spend months planning a huge, life changing event, and when it is over you can kind of feel lost. During the planning process I KNEW that everything wouldn’t turn out perfectly, but it was all hypothetical at that point. Facing the realities of inconvenient timing, missing photos, and other various elements of the day is sobering. It is very difficult to NOT focus on the aspects of your day that aren’t how you planned for them.
Anyway, what I am trying to say in the end is: realistically, there is no way that your wedding is going to be perfect down to every single detail. SOMETHING, whether it is small or large, is not going to be the way you envisioned. And… you are going to have to live with it. Like I said before, you don’t get to have a “do-over” on your wedding day. For now, I am going to work on focusing on the wonderful memories that Mr. Buttons and I have of our wedding day, because there ARE many. And, I’m going to get pumped up to share my recaps with you… because like I said, there are many wonderful things about our day that I can’t wait to divulge.
Did you experience post-wedding depression? How did you learn to put aside the feelings of resentment for aspects of your day that went awry?
I agree with this completly. I’ve went through the same range of motions and am currently in the depressed stage. Thanks for the pick me up 
Hope your days get better!
So true. I went through similar emotions after our wedding, too. You are not alone. I really hope you guys can take a honeymoon or minimoon soon though. I think that will be a wonderful experience for you two. And my photog missed several things that I wanted shot (and had put on the shot list) but it is what it is. Just have to focus on the good parts and keep moving.
P.S. I also REALLY hate the “How’s married life?” question. Ugh.
I’m so glad you wrote this because it’s SO true. I don’t have post-wedding depression, per se, but I do miss my wedding and there are a bunch of things that upset me when I think about them. Like I said yesterday on Twitter, I’m going to write a post like this, too. I bet it feels so good to let it all out.
I have a lot a similar emotions for different reasons (basically, we had less than a week to be married w/o out some major medical/family crisis) so I empathize with not feeling like we’ve had any newlywed bliss… heck, I’d take some newlywed normalcy, I guess.
I don’t even want to talk to people about our wedding much. Sad, right? People ask and I just say “Yeah, it was nice…anyway *change subject” because, right now, I can’t see through to the joy so much. I hope that comes with time.
Great post, lady.
I am totally agree with the it feels the same sentiment- I wish it felt a little different. As a result it kind of feels like the wedding happened a really long time ago or that it happened independent of time and is just out there.
“how’s married life” is the worst question ever and I will never ask anyone that again…
Totally insightful - this is a great post. I definitely have experienced something similar. I am happy when I remember our wedding day, but the little things that weren’t perfect are kind of eating at me. For me, it mostly had to do with the catering! And I wish we had the photographer stay for another hour. It helped me a little to list out all of my grievances in writing - since I did that, I felt like I could let go somewhat! So maybe this post will help you?
After our wedding I felt like it had gone perfectly — I was so happy. And I still basically feel that way, but it is funny you mention how your feelings changed a little after getting your pictures back. I loved my pictures, but when I saw my hair I wished I had not done it myself and had sprung for a professional ‘do. It looked fine, it’s not like I had a cowlick or anything, but it looked very ordinary. I was sort of going for my every-day but better look, but I just got “every-day” without the better.
The other thing I wished, as time went on, was that I didn’t drink so much at my wedding.
Oh well! No going back!
For the first few months, when people asked me “how’s married life?” I said it was the same. Then my husband had some health issues (not serious) and I realized it was not the same, because I felt much more invested and involved in his doctor’s appointments than I ever had before. I don’t know why, because I was no less committed before the wedding. But for some reason, around the time he had his wisdom teeth out, it did start to feel different.
I agree, 100%. Post-wedding, I immediately thought “everything we planned was perfect!” but then doubt started creeping in and I realized that not everything went according to plan. I would do some things differently, allocate money to different areas, and change some aspects of our day if I could do it over, but like you said…there is no “do-over”. Like @Mrs. Snow, I avoided talking about the wedding to anyone other than Mr. FF because I would tear up/cry when I thought about it. It’s getting *much* better, and we’re so happy to be married, but I feel you.
Very good post. I had regrets about my wedding also. It goes so fast the day you’ve planned so long for. We had a honeymoon, but it did not go well and we came home to some difficult things. It’s been nine months of a lot of adjustments. All we can do is to keep moving forward.
great post. i think it is easy to look back and be disappointed about details that didn’t turn out “just so”–it’s easier said than done to just let go and not worry about them. of course then there are bigger things, but like you said, we have to deal and not let those thoughts ruin what was a great day.
I felt the same as you. We had a wonderful wedding day, and then a few weeks after the fact, I got super down and depressed over nothing in particular. I think I was just sad it was all over, which kind of surprised me because I wasn’t really all that into the planning to begin with. I have to say though, now that it’s been over two months, I’m back to myself, and I am happy to be settling into married life with my hubby. Even though we lived together before and it doesn’t feel much different, it’s still exciting to know I’m living with my husband.
I think the sooner you two can go on even a minimoon, the better! It’ll help perk you up.
Thanks for this! It’s good to get a reality check sometimes. And not to harp on the bad, but would you mind sharing what those things are that you wish you had done differently? Also - maybe sharing some of the best decisions you made?
Man, there needs to a support group for post wedding depression. I don’t know if I’ll have it so I can only imagine how you are feeling. You know what makes me feel better when I’m depressed? Cake. Cake, and fried things. Cake and fried things and doughy things. Cake, friend things, doughy things, and cheesy things.
Hey Mrs. Buttons. I feel exactly the same and I’m 10 months beyond my wedding date. In fact, I find that the depressed feelings and the list of things I wish had gone differently only gets bigger as time passes. Eventually I just have to get over it. Like you, we had a gorgeous wedding day too and I remember how much fun it was. But the little details that went wrong still nag at me and the missed photos bother me too. I’m hoping I can get over it once I finally organize all the leftover wedding stuff and make a photo album.
Great topic and I totally agree. It’s impossible to have the ‘perfect’ wedding with everything going as planned and easy to look back and regret certain things.
Awesome post Mrs. Buttons!! I’ve worked for many years with brides (and grooms) planning their wedding day. This is a great post for couples planning their wedding and wedding professionals who help create those weddings.
I would like to share excerps from your post with two different groups in Fort Wayne. One is a wedding professionals group so they have a (possibly) deeper understanding of details that might be better addressed (missing photo shots, the comparison from the DIY to the professional aspect, and others). The second group is with brides who attend our wedding planning seminars in Fort Wayne. This is to give these ladies some insight from one “who’s been through it before” her.
I hope that you cherish the memories and don’t dwell on the doubts. I look forward to your wedding wrap up that will give you an opportunity to help others (possibly) give more thought to those things that are important to them. This also gives you a chance to make each day with Mr. Buttons a chance to make it the “best” day for each other.
Again…wonderful post!!
@ Miss Glasses: BAHAHAHA Amen.
I don’t know if I will experience this or not but I’m really hoping that since within 6 months there will be a new job, new apartment and new puppy those things will distract me from the major depression of no more giant party :-/
Oh my God, I felt the exact same way. After our wedding, we were on such a high. Everyone in our family said they had the absolute best time ever. A few weeks past (like three), and I got depressed because I was second-guessing everything. I suddenly didn’t like my hairstyle, and wished I had tried on more dressed. I hated my bouquet and wished I’d spent more time on our DIY projects because I could have made them look better had I known about all the tools out there.
Our wedding day was truly amazing. And over time, I’ve gotten over it. Like you said, there are no redos, and the marriage that’s leftover is what’s really important.
I loved this post
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Mrs. Buttons, Clearwater, FL Age and Occupation: 24, "Working on it" Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Financial Services Engagement Date: June 13, 2009 Wedding Date: May 2010 Venue: Carlouel Yacht Club About Me: I'm a self proclaimed perfectionist and a professional nomad (seriously, I've lived in TX, WI, MI, FL, NC, and now VA!). I love wine, cooking, curling up with a good book (nerd alert!), spoiling the furbaby, and of course, the wonderful Mr. Buttons! We are planning a lighthearted and whimsical wedding (with a good deal of DIY projects) in Clearwater, Florida, but from a distance of 800 miles away! We are looking forward to sharing our day with our family and friends, and most importantly, starting our lives together as husband and wife!
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