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I’m just as guilty as the next person when it comes to Facebook stalking—err, “research”. I have certainly seen wedding photos of Facebook friends mere minutes after they stepped into their venue. Guests are excited and iPhones and BlackBerrys come out to play, and before you know it, your months of planning and preening are reduced to a photo on someone’s “Mobile Uploads.”
Maybe this is a bit of a stretch, but with all the dough we are dishing out for professional photos, I’m not sure if I want Facebook to be the first platform to present our wedding day. Is it wrong for me to ask our guests not to post photos of us on their Facebook pages? It is a vacation for many of them, and I understand it is their own experience; and obviously I’m not opposed to them sharing photos of themselves or the winery or any of the pre- or post-events. I’m certainly not going to ask my friends not to post their own photos, but can I ask them not to post photos of the bride and groom?
I want to be able to pick and choose which photos I want to share with the world. Is that too much to ask? In the era of insta-share, is it okay for me to want to keep our wedding day a little close to the chest? I am totally one of those people who “un-tag” themselves in bad photos!!! I sort of feel weird placing a Facebook ban on wedding photos. I have seen ideas where the bride and groom ask friends to upload their photos to online albums, so I know that is an option. Help me, hive! Am I being too much of a brat? What is the best way to go about this situation?
I am in total agreement with you, but unfortunately I don’t know any way around it. Even if they can’t tag you in the pictures, it will show up on mutual friends’ news feeds. This was my issue with my engagement. I hadn’t even told my mom yet and it was on one of our friend’s facebook pages. So frustrating…
I never even ocnsidered this being a problem until FI’s cousin posted a fairly unflattering/stupid picture of me from my shower (during a game) RIGHT FROM THE SHOWER. Without bothering to ask or tell me. So I get home a few hours later and log onto facebook and there’s this picture with a bunch of comments from people who knew and didn’t know me! So now I’m trying to figure out a way to ask people to at least wait until a day or so AFTER to post pictures. And to allow me to tag myself if I so choose. I thought about including a blurb about it on the cards where we’re listing our actual photo-sharing website on, but I don’t want to seem crazy!
I don’t think you’re being too pushy at all. I felt the same way about our wedding.
I sent out a message to our guests the day whlie we were en route to our honeymoon (courtesy of airplane wifi!). The messaged thanked them all for coming and politely requested that they not post pictures of the wedding on FB. One or two of their faves was fine, but we asked that if they wanted to share more, they use our Google Picasa site so that we could have access to the high quality images too.
No one posted any photos of us on FB :o)
When I get back from the wedding, I will be DYING to see some photos so I will probably want people to post facebook pictures. I think if you spread the word just by word of mouth, people will understand.
I think you are definitely in your right to ask guests to not upload to Facebook.
I was just in a wedding where the couple told the wedding party that they did not want pictures on facebook and we kinda spread the word to the guests we knew and let it trickle from there. The wedding was last Saturday and so far the only pics I have seen where a guest who posted pictures of her and her FI and you would never know she was at that wedding.
Yeah, I really don’t think you can ask your friends not to post pictures… it’s kind of along the lines of giving your guests a dress code. I mean I get your reasoning behind it, but by asking that you’re bound to leave a bad taste in someone’s mouth and they’re going to do to spite you, which is no good! lol
I completely agree with you! But I don’t know how to prevent it from happening. I see alot of wedding pictures that are posted on facebook while the couple is on their honeymoon, so they don’t know about it until they get home. I guess guests want to share what a great a time they had? You would think people would focus on being *at* an event instead of 100% tied into facebook.
haha, I totally understand. A friend of mine got some real ‘zingers’ that went straight up. (There’s one of me punching mr. sew in the head, even. >.>”) But oh well, I just laugh at myself and wait to post my own pro-photos eventually. I think I’m more happy they took pictures at all, bad ones or not! Oh, and even though we had a picture upload site, guests still ended up adding to both it and fb. :/
Okay…I’m going to be in the minority here it seems like, but I feel as though it’s over reaching to try and control what people put up on their facebook pages. I think if I were a guest and someone said “Hey, don’t upload any photos of the wedding to facebook” I’d be thinking “Ok, bridezilla” in my head. That’s just my two cents though…
I can speak from my own experience and say that the morning after our wedding there were already 3 albums of blurry, unflattering photos uploaded by our friends. In the next few weeks, more and more guests kept uploading pictures until there were over 400 crappy pics floating around on Facebook. I was so worried that by the time my pro photos came, people would be sick of seeing my wedding everywhere!
But when the professional shots did arrive, I was able to make a thoughtful, hand picked album and everyone (it seemed) really loved it and appreciated it so much more than all the guest pictures.
All that is to say, I wouldn’t bother asking people not
TBH - Im not worried about that - I wouldn’t mind even if they did - although my friends and guests are very “snappy happy” they tend to use cameras and post them later - they’re not really the blackberry type. But - hey - why not - people will take photo’s of me - they will get shown - why get stressed - it’s my wedding - about me and my FI - not the time to get stressed!!!
but I get why it might bother you 
I totally don’t blame you for feeling that way, but you do run the risk of coming off a liiiittle bridezilla-y if you officially request it. A word of mouth request might be OK, though. Unfortunately, Facebook over-sharing is a fact of life now! This may not make you feel any better, but I know as a friend/guest/whatever, I’m always so excited to see people’s wedding pictures pop up on Facebook so I can get a sneak peek, especially if I wasn’t AT the wedding.
It’s kind of like asking people not to take pictures at concerts… In one ear and out the other. People will do what they want, but you can always ask them not to take pictures. I understand what you’re saying and hopefully they will too.
Unfortunately, internet etiquette is something that a lot of people are still learning. I try to be sensitive to “stealing thunder” and not blogging or posting photos of something I know the person/people of honor might want to share first. Not everyone is sensitive to that. However, I also have lots of friends who are EXCITED to have people get up FB photos as quickly as possible. I find that this conundrum is directly proportional to how talented of a photographer the friends are. I don’t really think you can control what other people post on Facebook - it’s kind of like proscribing manners - 1 person might have poor manners, but it’s even more poor manners to make them aware of it or uncomfortable because of it. All this to say - I hear what you’re saying, but… you might have to just play the untag(!) game.
I was actually happy to see the Fb pics since most of them were better than my photographers pictures.
I think in this day and age, unflattering digital snapshots of everyone everywhere is just an unavoidable fact of life. I totally get the sentiment, but I think that if anyone requested this in our group of friends, a whole bunch of particularly terrible pictures of that person would be up by the next morning.
I agree with kate169. It never occured to me that people would be bothered by wedding photos showing up on facebook before pro pics. I’m actually happy that people would be that excited about our wedding! In the digital age, there is absolutely no way around it so just roll with the punches and enjoy the day!
You can totally ask, but I am not sure how effective it will be. Maybe send something sweet like you have sent us. Also saying that “you and your hubby weren’t able to share your special day with everyone and wouldn’t want hurt feelings” might work.
I understand your not wanting people to upload photos, however as a guest at weddings, I would be (honestly) upset if someone told me not to upload the photos. I was the bride that LOVED seeing all the pictures people took especially while waiting for the pro pics. If you want to un-tag yourself, I wouldnt be offended but I would be offended if someone told me not to put pictures up.
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Mrs. Barrettes, Tumon, Guam/Napa, CA Age and Occupation: 29, Dancer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 31, Licensed Building Contractor Engagement Date: November 16, 2008 Wedding Date: October 2010 Venue: V. Sattui Winery About Me: I'm an East Coast girl, living on a tiny little island in the Pacific, twirling, leaping, and shimmy-ing my way through life, and now, wedding planning! I'm equal parts nerdy and cool... okay, mostly nerdy. I love satin bows, red lipstick, black & white graphic anything, the shine of sequins and the sound of a champagne "pop". My favorite books are The Portrait of a Lady, by Henry James, and Tender is the Night, by F. Scott Fitzgerald. I can also conjure a pretty good Patronus Charm. I started my appreciation for good red wine while traveling on the high seas, and it's only fitting that my passion for wine drinking led me to my Napa-bred honey. We bonded over bottles of Cabernet on my oceanfront porch and haven't looked back since. We're sealing the deal at a winery in the Napa Valley on a 'perfect ten' of a day!
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