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Traditionally, the bride’s father walks the bride down the aisle and gives her away to the groom. I’ve always known this tradition wasn’t for me. Not the whole tradition, anyway.
I guess I’d say that my relationship with Dad Plaid is not as strong as some girls’ relationships with their dads. My parents got divorced when I was seven, and my sister and I lived with Mama Plaid full time. We saw Dad Plaid every week, but we never shared the same bond with him as we did with our mom.
So when I first considered walking down the aisle when I get married, I thought about asking Mama Plaid to walk me. But then that didn’t seem right, exactly. It’s hard to explain. As much as I want to stray from the norm, I can’t fight the fact that I am, in fact, a traditionalist.
Then I thought, I’ll just walk by myself. I’m a strong, confident woman; I can do this myself. But that wasn’t right, either. The day is about me and Mr. Plaid, but it’s also about my family. I want to include them in every way that I possibly can.
I decided to ask Dad Plaid. I know what I said at the beginning of the post, but I wanted to. In the last few years, even though we live far away from each other, he has seemed to take more of an interest in my life. And he’s been extremely generous with the whole wedding. That’s not to say I’m asking him because he’s giving us money. I know it would make him happy, and I want everyone to be happy on our wedding day, not just us Plaids.
But I’m doing it on my terms. Yes, Dad Plaid will walk me down the aisle. But I’m going to walk down the stairs when I come out of the house at the venue alone, all by myself. Then Dad Plaid will meet me at the bottom of the stairs to walk me down the aisle. As we approach my groom, I will say goodbye to Dad Plaid and walk the last few steps by myself.
There will be no “giving me away.” I have been on my own for over four years now, and there’s no one to give me away accept for myself. Even if I did still live at home, the idea of one human giving another away seems outdated or something. No thanks! Dad Plaid will just have to be OK with my decision.
Is your father walking you down the aisle? Would you consider yourself a traditionalist?
Logistically, I’m doing the same thing as you. Walking down the stairs and meeting Dad at the bottom– those ol’ knees dont’ need me leaning on them and he recently had knee surgery so he would be able to dance at the wedding. I think I will relish that small moment walking down by myself as well.
I’m sure he’s happy you decided to ask him. Great move on your part 
It sounds like a great compromise! I’m a total daddy’s girl, but I was thinking maybe I could walk through the door and down the (two) steps by myself to meet him. I think it sounds even more special!
I think that’s a good compromise. My parents are divorced also, but I don’t speak to my dad at all. My mom really wants to walk me down the aisle, but like you said it just doesn’t seem right to me.
Maybe I’ll borrow your idea and modify it a bit to have mom just walk me down most of the way and not “give me away”… I feel like that’s the part I have the most problems with anyway.
I’m Jewish, and in Jewish tradition both the groom and the bride are walked down the aisle by both of their parents. So, I walked down with both my mom and my dad, as did my husband. I think that it actually makes a lot of sense and would work well for anybody, regardless of religion.
Your plan sounds like a good compromise. In many Jewish weddings, it is customary for both parents to escort their child. My husband, who is not Jewish (I am), loved this idea so much that he had his parents escort him, even though he had originally thought he would just be waiting at the front for me. My dad is deceased, so I just had my mom. One of my friends had her parents walk in ahead of her and then had her grandfather walk her in to her parents. It was so lovely.
I didn’t have this problem myself as my father did walk me down the aisle. But yes I agree it is a dated idea of being given away regardless of who it is. I love your idea of taking those few extra steps on your own to show you are a strong independant woman. I only wish I had thought of it myself. Well done for doing what you want on your Wedding Day and putting it across so well.
I am a non-traditionalist. Dad walked me first marriage, but I have teen girls. They are walking me this time. The verdict is still out on if they are walking me the entire way or just in front of me, but they are it and they are excited. BTW, dad will be there.
I am super close with my Dad, but also super non-traditional. There’s no way I could have him walk me down the aisle when my Mom (also close to her) has helped raise me just as much as he has. Even though we wouldn’t be doing anything even resembling giving me away, the echo of that tradition makes it really uncomfortable for me.
My fiance offered the perfect solution. Most of the weddings we’ve been to, the groom has walked down the aisle with his parents… but this is no go in FI’s family b/c of a messy divorce. He suggested we scrap the whole thing and walk in together.
Second wedding for me, my Mom and Dad walked me down the aisle for the first one so repeating that seemed weird to me so my older brother will walk me down the aisle this time. Also come from divorced parents and my brother and I lived with my Mom so it really feels right to have him walk me down the aisle.
i think i’m having my dad walk me down the aisle all the way, and then when they ask who gives this woman, he’ll say her mother and I. So yup, I’m definitely a traditionalist, but I really like the way you’re going to do it!
ps @ Miss Plaid, I was raised an hour north of Austin, and lived in Austin after college for awhile before coming up to MN for law school - I still miss my state!
I think you came to a great compromise. My dad is walking me down the aisle, not because I am a traditionalist, but because I know it is something he is looking forward too. We have a great relationship, so there is no reason I would not want him to.
I had my dad walk me into the room and to the top of the aisle. I met my husband there, and we walked down the aisle together.
I got married two months ago and my dad walked me down the aisle. My parents are divorced as well. Two weeks ago he passed away in a car accident. I am so thankful he was able to walk me down the aisle. That is one of the last memories I have of my dad (we live in different states). He was so proud to give me away. I think it is a personal preference, but think about it. Would you regret your decision later in life?
I understand, respect and agree with your decision, from your description of your relationship. Obviously every woman has a different relationship with their father. My parents just celebrated their 38th wedding anniversary and there was never a question that my father would walk me down and “give me away”…and I actually made sure he did it “both” times…hubby and I were legally married a year and a half before our wedding for insurance reasons - and he was there for that too!
I think you made the a great compromise, I love what you’re doing! I walked down the aisle with both my parents, per Jewish tradition, which was so nice
The more weddings I attend, and help to plan, the more I believe that the best policy for the wedding couple is to go with their instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, it doesn’t feel right. On the other hand, when couples really make the day their own, they’re more at ease, and can truly enjoy their wedding celebration.
I had hoped for both of my parents to walk me down the aisle together. It wasn’t so much to “give me away”; but I enjoyed a wonderful relationship with both my parents and I wanted them close to me for that special time. Unfortunately, my father passed away, so it didn’t come to pass.
You are going to have a wonderful day, Miss Plaid. Congratulations!
My family is the same way, divorced parents at a young age and full-time Mom. I decided to have both my parents walk me down the aisle, definitely made for some great pictures!
As a soon to be mother of the bride I too had thoughts of walking down the aisle with my baby girl in between me and my husband, her father. However, the traditionalist that I am (sometimes, when I feel like it:) have decided for the spotlight to be enjoyed by just the bride and her dad. I will of course have to hold back my tears of joy as I watch them do their walk - hard to do the watching if I’m also doing the walking. I love you Miss B:)
I’ve struggled with this same issue. I find the concept of “giving me away” pretty sexist and at first I was going to walk by myself. Then I gave it some more thought and decided to see it from another angle - as a way to honor my parents role in my upbringing. I am much closer to my mom than I am to my dad, and since I wanted her included too I’m having them both walk me down the aisle.
Interestingly, my mom had no interest in walking with me and my dad down the aisle. My cousin escorted her. What I don’t think she realized is that I was not “given away” but “presented.” A very subtle difference.
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Mrs. Plaid, Austin Age and Occupation: 26, Pastry Chef Fiance's Age and Occupation: 34, Cabinetry Carpenter Engagement Date: August 8, 2009 Wedding Date: October 2010 Venue: Kindred Oaks, Georgetown About Me: I am a Jersey girl born and raised but have since migrated to Texas and embraced its twang and Tex-Mex. I could probably eat chips and queso every day but instead I eat popcorn. I use the word “awesome” way too much but I just can’t seem to stop myself. I am addicted to all things DIY and am planning what I call a Texas-Chic wedding. I love snuggling with my two adorable dogs and of course, my adorable fiance. I can’t wait 'til I can call him my husband some day! October 2010, here we come!
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