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With a never-ending guest list and a venue that holds exactly 200, the Seashell crew had to come up with a way to accommodate all parties involved. We were scared to excessively over-invite for risk of filling our venue beyond capacity. We also were reluctant to invite too close to the 200 number and come in with a half-empty venue and many people we wished we’d have invited “if we’d only known.”
Simply put, the numbers game with acceptances and declines is just that: a numbers game.
Here’s how we made it work:
We divided the guest list 50/50. This meant each side got to invite 115 people (we left a little room for declines). This was our “A List”. Invitations were sent on June 25, 2010 with a response card date of July 25, 2010.
People who didn’t fit on the “A List” were placed on the “B List.”
These people did not receive Save the Dates. Also, these were people we genuinely would have loved to have at the wedding all along, but with 100 invites on each side, family and close friends took priority. B-listers included Mama Seashell’s hairdresser, friends of friends, and second and third—even fourth cousins. For the most part, we were able to keep this list relegated to people who may not have immediately heard from others, “Oh, I got the Seashell invitation in the mail today! I’m so excited!” (Because, of course, everyone is totally excited for our wedding.) These invitations were sent out as declines arrived, with the bulk on July 25, 2010 and a response card date of August 25, 2010.
Our goal was to include as many people as possible and also preserve the appearance of our invitations (as in, “Wow! I CLEARLY got B-Listed with this 2-day response turn around date!”). We certainly didn’t want to make anyone feel as if they were less than invited, but we were also in a bind with a limited number of slots at our venue.
Our final numbers worked as such:
Held our breath as we awaited 33 declines, and then waited for additional declines so that B List invites could be sent
Papa Seashell recently asked, “Should we get working on a C List?” He cracks me up. No, dad, I think we’re good.
Did you execute a B List? How did you manage it?
We did the same thing! We just sent out a bunch of new invtes the other day…now I feel like we’ll just about make our minimum which is 160. Do you have a min. ammt. of ppl you have to guarantee?
Genius! I’ve definitely been on the B-List before, receiving an invite with a 2 day rsvp deadline. It’s bittersweet. “Thanks for putting me on your ‘maybe’ list guys! You’ll receive a GREAT gift from me!” Haha, I kid. Kinda. I think your idea is so smart- save yourself from impending doom of possibly having to un-invite people, while also making sure the B-List doesn’t feel.. well.. like a B-List.
I think your plan sounds sensible and well done! It makes complete sense! I know that I have been on both A and B lists before, and it makes total sense to be sensitive to the B listers. I didn’t mind being a b lister at a friend’s older brother’s wedding even with short notice. And as an A lister, you probably should be cautious in who you share your invite with…
We did the same thing. We actually chose to not send STDs for this reason. We wanted to invite more of the B List, but the A List were “have tos” and a lot of them couldn’t come. It was hard for me because I had so many friends, but it worked out for the best. The B List people just thought that we waited awhile to send invites.
We did the same thing. We made two sets of invitations with two seprate rsvp dates. We also sent round 1 (family, wedding party, close friends) out early on enough that round 2 invitees (family friends, etc.) still had a normal rsvp date and amount of time to rsvp so that nobody got the idea that they were on our B list.
i was wondering what would be the best way to utilize my B list. this is wonderful. i’ve been waiting to send out invitations until my FI comes back stateside (about oct/nov) but i didn’t even realize how important it was to make sure i give my B listers adequate time to respond so they don’t feel forgotten! thanks for the heads up!
We didn’t have a B list. Without exact seating (we have 44 picnic tables, which rounds out to roughly 260) we decided to invite around 200 and see where we’re at. We’ll probably end up around the 150-175 mark, though it seems people just like adding in extra friends! Who knows, with 3 weeks out, we just may end up with close to 200 once everyone’s done adding Tom, Dick and Harry!
You were smart to have RSVP cards printed up with a later due date!
So, your A list had to reply at least 6 weeks before the wedding?
That is exactly why I’m not a fan of B-lists. Typically wedding invitations don’t go out until the 608 week mark, so I find that odd.
Glad it worked for you though.
@Amy: Yes, the A list received invites a full 12 weeks in advance of the wedding, and their responses were due 8 weeks out. I honestly don’t think anyone minded, and most people know I’m a crazy planner, so I feel ok about the way it worked in the end! However, I can see your point. We had some guests who didn’t resond by the requested date, and we didn’t hound them 
I am completely impressed - seems very well organized and executed. Glad you avoided b-list drama!
You are an absolute genius. I will keep this idea in mind for sure!
We will be doing this. We have some friends we’d love to invite but as of now can’t. This is the exact timeline I was going to use also, so I’m glad it worked out well for you.
Well done. Unfortunately, this isn’t something I thought about in advance. With one month to the wedding, I have about five people that I want to invite but didn’t think to print up B-list RSVP cards, so I’m not sure what to do. Scratch out the date and put in a new one? Tacky. Our RSVP cards aren’t something you can just print extras of on the fly. Sigh.
We are also planning to invite 230 guests to our 200 capacity reception! You’ve eased my mind a bit about ending up over capacity! Maybe we’ll have to start thinking about our B-List!!
You had such good foresight to print different RSVP dates. You’re a smart lady, Seashell!
I feel your pain Rhody sister! You planned it out so well though! We’re just going to fly on a wing and a prayer that we have 30 no RSVPS :/. Good thing everything worked out well for you!
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Mrs. Seashell, Chicago, IL / Providence, RI Age and Occupation: 28, Marriage and Family Therapist Fiance's Age and Occupation: 31, Electrical Engineer Engagement Date: September 3, 2009 Wedding Date: September 2010 Venue: The Glen Manor House About Me: Fonts and fashion, stationery and Sundays, photography and french toast... the beauty is in the details for this fun-loving Chicagoan who loves to plan plan plan! The soon-to-be hubs plays "Mr. Fix-It" in our new condo while I swoon over beautiful, personalized stationery and choose shades of aubergine for my bridesmaids' dresses... and thus begins my new fairy tale! Skirting to the East Coast for our September nuptials where my home state of Rhode Island awaits with fall foliage, I'm just a few dress fittings and bachelorette party away from saying "I Do" to a very happy ending!
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