Newer blog post
more in Blog
Older blog post
Newer blog post by Mrs. Trail Mix
more by Mrs. Trail Mix (oldest)
Older blog post by Mrs. Trail Mix
Mrs. Trail Mix's Picture
Mrs. Trail Mix, New York Age and Occupation: 26, PE Teacher Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, MBA Student Engagement Date: March 2009 Wedding Date: June 2010 Venue: Tannery Pond at the Darrow School About Me: I'm a country girl who somehow found herself living in the Big Apple and loving every minute of it. I'm planning a rustic, country-chic wedding in my hometown in upstate New York and it's going to be a Party with a capital P. White wine, flea markets and running keep me happy and my friends, family and fiance are my world. I'm a little bit crafty, a little bit crazy but mostly just crazy in love.
About Mrs. Trail Mix

Never Been a Bridesmaid

September 7th, 2010 @ 5:26 pm by Mrs. Trail Mix

Have you guys all been a bridesmaid in a friend or family member’s wedding? I’m just asking because I haven’t. And honestly, I sort of feel like that unpopular girl in high school who listed ’spending time with pets’ as one of her favorite activities in our senior bios (true story) about the situation, which is a bit pathetic on my part.

I know, I know, you’re probably thinking to yourself, ‘Trail Mix, you dummy, being a bridesmaid ain’t all that it’s cracked up to be.’ I know that. I know there are still a lot of brides who make ridiculous requests of their ’maids, like choosing a hot pink, floor-length satin dress with a black lace corset top (another true story. And the dress really was as heinous as it sounds.)

But…I still want to be a bridesmaid…like, really really badly.

And I’m not even sure why. I guess it’s because I love weddings and I love my friends, so being a bridesmaid is the best of both worlds, right? And it is a special honor, so there’s the mildly (and by mildly, I mean intensely, heated) competitive side of me that somehow feels like I’m losing at the Game. You know, the game of who is the most popular based on how many times they have been a bridesmaid? What, you don’t play that game too? Ohhh… *squirms in embarrassment…

See, now you’re all thinking that I’ve gone so far off the deep end, it’s starting to get shallow again…and of course the rational side of my brain knows that, no, the number of satin-poly blend dresses one has been required to purchase for ceremonies of holy matrimony is not directly proportional to the number and strength of one’s friendships.

But deep down inside, I suppose there is a nagging fear in my heart that maybe this could be true. I think about some girls that I know who have been a bridesmaid 7 or 8 times already and I start to wonder what’s wrong with me? My insecurities bubble up and I worry that no one actually likes me and that I have no real friends and that I’ll die a lonely, bridesmaid-virgin, sad lumpy sack of potatoes. Tragic.

Don’t worry, I’m not lying awake at night losing sleep over this or anything but sometimes I think about it and feel a little down. And for the record, I am mostly convinced that the main reason I haven’t been a bridesmaid is because hardly any of my friends have gotten engaged or married (which makes being a bridesmaid a bit difficult, right?)

So I’m curious to know, have you been a bridesmaid? If yes, how many times? If not, do you care?

P.S. - Many thanks to Mrs Swan for taking on this topic a few months ago, respek!

Tags: albany, relationships |
advertisement below
Newer blog post
more in Blog
Older blog post
Newer blog post by Mrs. Trail Mix
more by Mrs. Trail Mix (oldest)
Older blog post by Mrs. Trail Mix

69 Responses to “Never Been a Bridesmaid”

1 2 3 4 

1.
amariem25
Member
amariem25 (message)  3,753 posts, Honey bee

I have only been a BM once, before I got married. I really wish I could be a BM now again since I’m married now. I know a heck of a lot more about weddings now and have all of the supplies to make any type of DIY project. I feel like I could be very valuable to any bride now since I’ve been in her shoes and know how to tackle some of the big problems. Unfortunately it seems that all of my friends who are getting married are not having bridal parties. And I’ve offered up my crafting services and supplies but no one has taken me up on my offers!

 
2.
mandb122
Member
mandb122 (message)  3,563 posts, Sugar bee

I have once. It was my fiance’s brother’s now wife. We were out one night drinking and she said to me “Do you want to be my bridesmaid?” I said yes. She followed with “I asked two other girls but they can’t make it so I figured I’d ask you.” I know how you feel though, besides that I haven’t and the one friend that told me I’d be a bridesmaid decided to have a wedding so small I wasn’t invited. So I totally get where you’re coming from. Like you said I don’t lose sleep but it does feel weird sometimes.

 
3.
TheFutureMcBride
Member
TheFutureMcBride (message)  4,485 posts, Honey bee

I’ve never been a bridesmaid either and it makes me sad too. Guess I’ll just wait for my sis to get married.

 
4.
Farfromachildbride
Member
Farfromachildbride (message)  1,006 posts, Bumble bee

‘Trail Mix, you dummy, being a bridesmaid ain’t all that it’s cracked up to be.’ You said it!! This bridesmaid-ten-times-over has had enough! (Twelve if you count guest book attendant and reader.) And just the opposite of you, I hope to never be asked again. I was the last of my friends & family to get married so unfortunately, I never really got the whole wedding deal nor ever enjoyed the BM bit. It’s probably best to be a bride before a bridesmaid so as to be a better, more supportive attendant. While they were [mostly] fun weddings, I’ve spent a lot of money on shower gifts, hotels, BM dresses/shoes and have more sets of pearl/CZ jewelry than any girl every needs. All of this probably had a lot to do with our decision not to have any bridesmaids or groomsmen in our wedding. :)

 
5.
Miss Thimble
Bee
Miss Thimble (message)  805 posts, Busy bee

I’ve never been a bridesmaid, and my own maids are going a “no bridal party” route. I feel the same way as you Trail Mix!! I totally get you.

 
6.
Bee Icon
Bee
Mrs. Moonbeam (message)  1,732 posts, Bumble bee

I’m so with you on this. I was a bridesmaid in my Aunt’s wedding when I was 13, but I think it’d be so fun to be in one now. I’d be oh so helpful and overly enjoy all the projects that are involved.

 
7.
Bee Icon
Bee
Mrs. Lamb (message)  970 posts, Busy bee

I’m going to be a bridesmaid for the first time next summer. I thought all the same things you did though. It was one of those things where girls I was really close with at one point, I just wasn’t when they got married. I’ve always had lovely friends though, so I try not to let it get to me too much.

 
8.
dance
Member
dance (message)  1,607 posts, Bumble bee

I haven’t been a bridesmaid either! However, my close friends and sister (who would be the people I would want to be a BM for - and quite frankly, I would be shocked if I wasn’t asked!) are not at the wedding stage of life yet. So as the first bride-to-be, I feel like I still have a chance to be a BM…even if it doesn’t happen for a while! Don’t give up hope :)

 
9.
Guest Icon
Guest
Janis Foley

I’ve been a bridesmaid once - but I think it was solely based on technicality! It was for my older sister’s wedding… The dresses were ugly - we didn’t know it at the time, and my hair - oh geez! Think beehive! Never go to some place like Supercuts or the like to get your hair done… But what did I know? I was only 19 and didn’t know any better! I think it’s not all that… Maybe I’d feel different if I’d never gotten to experience it. If I didn’t get mine on a technicality, I’d be in the same boat. I think it’s because for me, I don’t have a lot of super close girlfriends who do the big wedding thing. I have a few close friends, but they’ve done the small wedding with no bridesmaids. And besides, I photograph weddings for a living - people want me behind the camera! ha ha! And I don’t mind… My little sister did say that if she were to ever get re-married again, she’d want me to be a bridesmaid for her… It’s a nice thought, but I’m not gonna hold my breath. Oh Mrs. Trail Mix - if you want, maybe if I decided to try again, maybe you can be one of my bridesmaids if it’ll make you feel better to check that off your list! hee hee! ♡

 
10.
SanDiegoAli
Member
SanDiegoAli (message)  3,076 posts, Sugar bee

I’ve never been a bridesmaid either and for some reason it makes me sad as well.
Maybe some day!

 
11.
Guest Icon
Guest
tee

i haven’t been a bridesmaid either! my very closest friends haven’t gotten married yet, though, so here’s hoping!

 
12.
Guest Icon
Guest
Kristi

I have been a bridesmaids 8 times and that doesn’t even include my circle of really close friends. I’m a BM in a wedding this November and have at least 2 or 3 more that I’m positive I’ll be in. Hmm…so, that’ll be about a dozen weddings. Honestly, it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be. I’ve really enjoyed getting to share in my friends’ special days, but look at it this way as well. On average, I’ve spent about $500 (or more!) per wedding, so do the calcuations and I’m looking at $6,000 on dresses and stuff I’ll never wear/use again! I can think of several things I could do with that money. :)

 
13.
Bee Icon
Bee
Mrs. Guinea Pig (message)  1,367 posts, Bumble bee

Same same TMix! Never been a bridesmaid (well, I got asked once but said no after a while cause the “friend” was a bitch… haha - oops). But also same in that none of my good friends (or sister) have gotten married so there’s not too much of an opportunity. I actually think I’m glad that I was a bride first, because now I would take on the BM role seriously!! Think of it as you got some good training in first, now you’re prepared for the role :)

 
14.
Silveramos
Member
Silveramos (message)  93 posts, Worker bee

“Always the Bride, never the Bridesmaid” I think that has a ring to it.

I have never been a bm and I believe that it is because none of my close friends have gotten married yet. Now that my wedding has come and gone, I too feel like I would be able to help out a lot if I were to be a bm.

 
15.
SandraMarie_1986
Member
SandraMarie_1986 (message)  1,363 posts, Bumble bee

It’s okay Trailmix, I haven’t been a bridesmaid either. I used to think about it but it’s okay. When the time comes, it’ll be an honor.

 
16.
mander411
Member
mander411 (message)  735 posts, Busy bee

I’ve been a BM 5 times so far (one of those times was MOH). And I have at least 2-3 more in the works which will be after my wedding in November. Honestly, I love it - it is so much fun, and every single time I have become closer to that person who is the bride. I’m sure you will be soon!

 
17.
Miss Maid
Member
Miss Maid (message)  86 posts, Worker bee

I have been a bridesmaid 5 times (hence the Miss Maid) and started reading the ‘Bee because of it! So in the respect, it has definitely been beneficial, haha. Most of the time it has been an honor and privilege to be a bridesmaid. But it is expensive and time consuming and emotionally draining sometimes! I also think it has taught me what kind of bride I don’t want to be. I think I have about 3 more trips down the aisle as a b-maid! I am sure you are a fantastic friend and you’ll get your turn. But if you don’t you can always be the friend who throws the BEST bridal and baby showers but who doesn’t have to rock the potentially scary larry b-maid dress!

 
18.
Guest Icon
Guest
Sarah

I’ve been a bridesmaid 5 times, for my sister and 4 of my friends. Every single time, I was living at least 500+ miles away from the bride, so I was kind of “off the hook” for helping out — MUCH to my relief (which I realize probably makes me kind of strange). I have to admit I don’t really get the idea of having your bridesmaids help you with planning. I took my role very seriously on the wedding day, but wasn’t really involved until then.

Then again, when I got married I chose to have my sister as maid of honor and no other bridesmaids, so maybe I just don’t get the bridesmaid thing in the first place… :)

 
19.
Member Icon
Member
eeper (message)  517 posts, Busy bee

I think I get it, but if most of your friends aren’t engaged/married then that makes sense! I have been a ‘Maid 3 times, for 2 friends and for my FSIL. I think I was 27/28. I am guessing (hoping? is that weird?) that I will be asked 2-4 more times for family and a few close friends. And who knows - we are all getting older, so by the time my single close girlfriends get married, they may well be over matching dresses and attendants!

It is seriously a gigantic financial burden though. I would say my total wedding cost each time I was a Maid was well over $1,000 (I am including ALL costs - showers, bach. parties, attire, travel/hotels and wedding gift). It’s good that you’ll likely be a Maid when you can better afford to do it!

 
20.
MissSnowBunny
Member
MissSnowBunny (message)  46 posts, Newbee

Been a bridesmaid 7 times and I am DONE (well, probably not as my best friend and 2 close friends are not married). Its a lot of work, time and money; something I’m happy to do for close friends but not all friends!

 
1 2 3 4 

Leave a Reply


You can also just...

Newer blog post
more in Blog
Older blog post
Newer blog post by Mrs. Trail Mix
more by Mrs. Trail Mix (oldest)
Older blog post by Mrs. Trail Mix

Visit our sister sites eHarmony
Online Dating
eHarmony Advice
Dating Advice
Project Wedding
Wedding Songs
JustMommies
Pregnancy Calendar
Copyright 2004-2012, Weddingbee.com
 

Find your vendors on Weddingbee

Real reviews from brides in your area!

Favors by Weddingbee

  • Favors by season

Shop Now »

Mrs. Trail Mix
Mrs. Trail Mix

Mrs. Trail Mix, New York Age and Occupation: 26, PE Teacher Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, MBA Student Engagement Date: March 2009 Wedding Date: June 2010 Venue: Tannery Pond at the Darrow School About Me: I'm a country girl who somehow found herself living in the Big Apple and loving every minute of it. I'm planning a rustic, country-chic wedding in my hometown in upstate New York and it's going to be a Party with a capital P. White wine, flea markets and running keep me happy and my friends, family and fiance are my world. I'm a little bit crafty, a little bit crazy but mostly just crazy in love.

Boards
Classifieds

Blog Calendar
May 2012
SunMonTueWedThuFriSat
293012345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
2728293031

Weddingbee Bios
Wiki
More