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Today I’m going to move away from talking just about the wedding to discuss marriage. I found a great article on Smartmoney, called “The Six Financial Mistakes Couples Make,” that explains a few big problems that cause finances to come between a couple.
According to the article, spending is the second most common reason couple fight. The solution?
Keep Spending in Check
Wrong Approach: “I’m a saver and you’re a spender. That’s the problem.”
Right Approach: “We both spend, but on different things. Let’s budget.”
This point really hit home with me because I think I’ve taken the wrong approach with Mr. Brooch dozens of times in the past (like last week! Yikes!). Even if I didn’t say that exact phrase (”I’m a saver and you’re a spender”), I’ve thought it.
Mr. Brooch likes to spend his money on expensive stuff. He likes to go out to really nice restaurants, and if he buys clothes, they have to be good quality, name brand. The thing is, he only shops every once in a blue moon, and we don’t go out to fancy restaurants all the time.
It’s hard to say what I spend my money on because I’m all over the place. I usually fritter away my money, refusing to buy anything too expensive, but ultimately still spending a lot. If it’s a friend’s birthday, I will splurge on dinner and drinks for him or her. If I’m in the mood for crafts, I’ll spend a pretty penny on a bunch of scrapbooking supplies. Catch my drift?
We both spend.
Keep in mind that it’s not that we shouldn’t spend; it’s inevitable that we will. It’s that we should spend wisely. We also have to be careful not to judge each other for our spending habits. How do you do that?
Talk About It
The article suggests “sitting down and deciding how much money you’re going to allocate to the ‘dailyness’ of life, and how much to save for the big purchases.”
This might come as a surprise to some, but my dad requested a budget from Mr. Brooch and me. He wanted to see how we planned to maintain our bills each month when we’re married and living together. My dad also asked a lot of questions about how much money we have saved, how we plan to save, and how much money we’re making now. It might seem offensive to some, but he is trying to make us aware of the financial hiccups that can stunt a relationship.
I’m proud to say that I had created a proposed budget with Mr. Brooch long before my dad asked for it. (Yay! We’re on top of this!) The budget, which we will probably use for a while, breaks down what we are spending and saving from each of our paychecks.
The monthly rent is split right down the middle, and we’ve split the responsibility for our bills. Mr. Brooch will pay the electric, and I’ll pay for the cable, phone, and Internet (for example). Just as the article suggests, we’ve even accounted for the money we want to save each pay period. Hopefully, by planning ahead and talking about it (as well as keeping in mind we both are going to spend), we won’t run into disagreements about money.
Where do you spend? Do you have a budget? Have you prepared your finances for marriage? How so?
Great tips. While FI and I never actually sat down and discussed any of this, it naturally evolved on its own. We split the mortgage right down the middle, and I give him a set amount per month to split the bills - when the amount I give him is more than he needs, he puts it into savings or we treat ourselves to a nice dinner. We each set aside a certain amount into savings per month, too. We’re like you - on the surface, I spend, he saves, but really I spend on stupid stuff, he spends on important, nicer stuff.
I am the saver in our relationship, and he is the spender! We mange our bills well though… by splitting them up according to how much we make. This may seem strange to some, but it works for us. I make significantly more than he does, so I pay 65% of the rent and bills and he pays the rest. If we split it 50/50 I feel it would be unfair to him. When we are married, we will continue doing the same thing. We aren’t planning on having joint accounts, other than a joint credit card. We sit down once a month to work through our bills together and we haven’t had any money problems.
We have a joint credit card and everything that is for our home or both of us goes on there. Like, if we both go out to dinner together. We then split the bill 50/50 each month. Same goes for all of the bills - we pay them from a joint account and just put in 50/50. This works best if you’re making similar amounts of money, but you could also just split it differently, like 70/30 or something depending on your income. Works for us!
Great Post… a topic I have not seen anyone touch but it needs to be talked about.
One thing I have read about splitting bills with your spouse is to do it by percentage of the income brought in.
Example:
Income One: $40,000 year (57%)
Income Two: $30,000 year (43%)
Total Income: $70,000
Income One will pay 57% of each bill and Income Two will pay 43% of each bill.
Rent = $800 month split $456 & $344
I think you would want the sharing of bills as equal as possible. If everything was split 50/50 the lower income earner would not have as much spending money on personal extras as the higher earner and may become jealous seeing ther other come home with new clothes, crafting supplies ect.
Wow! I’m so glad to hear we’re not the only ones with that saver/spender thing going on!! @emma5w: Isn’t it funny how you can both end up spending the same, but on such different things? @delight: I actually love that idea! It does make a lot more sense to split bills according to income. That’s something I’m really going to consider changing about our budget. So thanks!
yep..im a saver and he’s a spender! luckily, he’s really good at long term savings and im better at short term things. it’s worked out fairly well so far because we are really good at communicating with each other.
and we plan to to the income based percentages too..he makes a lot more than i do!
I’m the saver…AND the spender in our relationship! Finance is actually what I do for a living so it was one of the first things my FH and I talked about. I manage all the money and make sure we are “on the right track”, and he has 100% trust in me. When I try to show him the budget, I get about 3 minutes of him paying attention and then the glazed over look starts.
It’s interesting to hear the different ways people do things.
My fiance and I plan to put all our income into one joint account after we’re married and pay all the bills together out of that.
For people keeping incomes separate and dividing the bills by percentages, what do you do with the “leftovers” from your personal income? Is that all going into savings, or do you use it at your discretion?
Great advice, finances are such a hot-button issue. Mr. SD did the right thing by handing over financial control to me! All joking aside, he’s horrendous with money, and I’m a budget-maniac who’s never paid a bill late. So it was a no-brainer for us to combine finances early and leave me in charge to get all the bills paid and still have money left at the end of the month. It works for us, which is all that matters
I’m definitely the spender and he’s the budgete, but he’ll “waste” money by spending a lot at Target or the grocery store whereas I shop sales and use coupons. He also buys indiscriminately from Amazon sometimes, like all the humidor accessories to maintain the expensive cigars he bought on our honeymoon.
Now we’re both trying hard to save and live on just my salary. It’s not as hard as I thought it would be, as long as I’m allowed to do all the grocery shopping.
I recommend Mint.com, a free online service that tracks spending from multiple accounts. It has helped my husband and me a great deal with our budgeting.
One lesson that I enjoyed from our marriage preparation course made the point that having a habit of spending money isn’t inherently a bad thing; we have to appreciate that spending money is a skill to be honed. One man said he used to think of his wife as a spendthrift, but then he came to realize that she’s just very good at spending money, in that she makes sure they buy gifts for their loved ones, always have what they need around the house, etc. As you said, we all spend money, we just have to make sure we’re spending it on the right things, and making sure to save as well.
We’re both savers but to different extents. FH is much more free with buying a couple nice articles of clothing every once in a while, while I have t-shirts from 1998 that I still wear. It will be interesting the first few years of our marriage as I will be in grad school and so won’t be able to contribute to the accounts. We’ve budgeted it out and know how much we will need in loans (depending on the school) and what we can allow for workshops and frivolous things.
Mr. E would be the saver, and I guess I’m the spender (although now a days we’re both just saving for the wedding). Since I love numbers (my degree is in finance), I do all the bills. We split them down the middle, although we might change that up after the wedding since our incomes are not equal like @MissBike: said.
@Lauren: When me & my FI moved in together he joined my checking account & I took over all of his bills. So I pay all of our monthly bills out of our joint account and then with what’s left over I pay to our debt with the highest interest rate. But that only works because we bring home the same amount & came to the relationship with the same amount of debt.
We go through fits of it, but I am definitely the spender. But, I only spend on clearance, which means I only buy summer clothes at the end of summer, and winter at the end of winter. I just bought 2 dresses from Modcloth for $44, and they were originally $150!! But yeah, i have been spending a little too much for sure lately. But, our bills are split, not sure how equally though. Hubs pays the mortgage, cell phone, internet/cable, his health insurance and retirement. I pay the electric, water, insurance, my health insurance and retirement, credit card bills, and christmas account that I put money into each month that we use for all our christmas spending each year. We alternate groceries depending on who has money at the time. I know we really need to have a budget, but for whatever reason i have been putting it off for years, sigh…
In response to what we do with the “leftovers” - we are able to use it for whatever. Again, we need a budget!!! We have a joint checking account that we don’t use, since the idea was that we would combine everything once we got married. After living together for 3 years and splitting bills before marriage, I guess we are just comfortable with the way things are. Also doesnt help that hubs makes a different amount each week, so probably would be a good idea to have 1 account to acount for the ebb and flow….
Mr. G and I spend money in different ways too. We gave ourselves a $300 personal spending allowance- almost half of mine goes to my gym membership and the other half on cosmetics, face products, the ocassional new dress. We combine our money into one account and have a savings account as well. Our joint account goes towards bills and rent and food and whatever. It is so important for couples to talk about financed before getting married, your dad is a smart dude!
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Mrs. Brooch, Arlington, VA Age and Occupation: 25, Writer/Editor Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Front Desk Manager Engagement Date: October 3, 2009 Wedding Date: April 2011 Venue: Oxon Hill Manor About Me: I’m an indecisive girlie-girl with a motor mouth, can-do attitude, and knack for making others laugh. I dream of becoming a best selling novelist like Elizabeth Gilbert or Julie Powell (a girl can dream, right?), and love long road trips, a beautiful countryside, music, blogs, books, and all things vintage/thrift/antique/or homemade. I’m a Virgo, i.e. overly sensitive, emotional, and critical, and there’s no such thing as short and sweet in my world. I want to say and do it all. Mr. Brooch grounds me. I point where to go and he figures out the way. He’s a pragmatic fancy-pants who enjoys video games and movies. We both adore our mutt, Rocky, and spending time with our amazingly supportive family and friends. We’re planning a garden wedding with a formal reception with lots of whimsy and unique, Southern-inspired details.
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