When You and Your Parents Aren’t from the Same Place

When You and Your Parents Aren’t from the Same Place

September 8th, 2010 @ 5:44 pm by Mrs. Knitting
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As I’ve mentioned before, Mr. Knitting moved here from Poland when he was four. While he is proud of his heritage, he is really much more Canadian than Polish and this is definitely reflected in our wedding. Pretty much anything Polish in our wedding is there because I pushed for it (except for the mushroom dumplings).

However, his parents are still very Polish and haven’t been assimilated in the same way, which is understandable as they were a lot older when they came to Canada. At first, they seemed to expect that we’d be having a very traditional Polish wedding complete with a Catholic church ceremony. I think our heathen Christmas wedding complete with grown up flower girls, a groomswoman, and a first look (we haven’t mentioned any of this to them yet!) is very much outside of their understanding of what a wedding should be.

I think our wedding is also somewhat difficult for them because we will be doing things that are a bit socially awkward for them. For example, we limited our guest list to 100 people, which means they aren’t able to invite as many people as they would like. They’re getting to invite a lot more people than my parents, but they aren’t able to invite all their friends and every single member of their friends’ families. For Mr. K, me, and my parents, it’s not difficult to explain to some people that space is limited so we have to be really selective, but for Mr. K’s parents, I think it is.

They are being really good sports about our wedding and while they don’t talk to us about it very much, they haven’t said a single negative comment about our wedding to Mr. K or me. It’s definitely not their idea of an appropriate wedding, but I think it’s pretty nice of them to refrain from making any comments about this to us. I think maybe they really just want us to be married after we’ve been living in sin for 2 whole years!

Has this been an issue for anyone else? How do your and your parents’ ideas about what a wedding should be diverge?

Tags: family, toronto |

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9 Responses to “When You and Your Parents Aren’t from the Same Place”

Member

cloverdaIe (message) 61 posts, Worker bee

I can definitely relate to this as my parents are pretty old-school korean, and their typical wedding views are a bit different from mine, especially when it comes to # of people invited. But I know in the end, they are just truly happy for me that I met a great guy that I can spend the rest of my life with and who they can call a son

9/8/10 @ 6:08 pm (reply)

Member

SandraMarie_1986 (message) 1,363 posts, Bumble bee

Yeah, I can really relate to this as well. My parents are really easy going. They’re kind of like hippie parents. They’re cool with any decision I make for my wedding as long as I’m happy. My sweetheart’s family on the other hand is the complete opposite. They are strict and traditional. Especially my FMIL. She can’t understand why we won’t be getting married in a church having a Catholic ceremony, etc. It’s hard but it’s our wedding and our decision. It’s really great of your future in-laws to be so nice and keep any negative comments to themselves.

9/8/10 @ 6:21 pm (reply)

Member

bohemianbailie (message) 980 posts, Busy bee

I completely understand, my FI family is coming from Sweden and I feel bad that more of his family cannot be at the wedding but we wanted to get married in California and not Sweden!

9/8/10 @ 6:50 pm (reply)

Member

MsBunting (message) 229 posts, Helper bee

Not quite the same, but my FI’s sister had a small wedding, ordered her dress online, no attendants. I always wonder how crazy his family thinks I am for wanting a big traditional wedding. When I invited his mom to go dress shopping with us, she suggested I look online first. But she’s keeping up

9/8/10 @ 8:54 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Sand Dollar (message) 1,305 posts, Bumble bee

While I don’t have quite your difficulty, I still understand your position. FMIL wants to invite every Tom, Dick and Harry she’s ever known, along with her hairdresser. She also keeps trying to hijack things by calling me and letting me know that she reserved a huge lattice from the church, and also bought a punch bowl for the punch we are not having. I pity her two daughters when she’s actually mother of the bride!

9/8/10 @ 9:02 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Glasses (message) 2,741 posts, Sugar bee

My mother and I definitely clash a lot because she is a tiny Japanese woman. Her mind is boggled at drinking out of mason jars, having an iPod reception, not having a traditional Buddhist ceremony, etc. It is great that your FILs aren’t saying anything negative because my mom and I have been known to get into it an it ain’t pretty!

9/8/10 @ 11:49 pm (reply)

Member

TheFutureMcBride (message) 4,461 posts, Honey bee

It’s wonderful that they are being understandable about everything because it’s not traditional to them. As for me, no one said anything because there hadn’t been an actual wedding on my side since my great-grandparents if any of them actually had one.

Honestly, I can’t wait to see what your wedding looks like because it’s going to be so different. I wish I could help you work on it.

9/9/10 @ 8:51 am (reply)

Member

Florin (message) 70 posts, Worker bee

My father and step mother don’t think a wedding is complete without an open bar and are being very vocal about the fact that ours is not. It’s a Sunday brunch wedding and I don’t want people sloshed on a day that’s supposed to be about love and commitment.

Luckily, they aren’t paying for much and they’re the only alcoholics attending, so I’m not letting it phase me. I think it’s really nice that they aren’t trying to pressure you into changing things around though.

9/9/10 @ 9:35 am (reply)

Bee

Miss Knitting (message) 1,072 posts, Bumble bee

@TheFutureMcBride: Aww thanks! That’s so sweet.

9/9/10 @ 4:36 pm (reply)