Bridentity Crisis – Everyday Me vs Bride Me

Bridentity Crisis – Everyday Me vs Bride Me

September 14th, 2010 @ 3:22 pm by Mrs. Meerkat
Share

The first time I heard the words ‘bridentity crisis’ was in the book Offbeat Bride:

When I read this I was like, AMEN SISTER!! You are taking the words right out my mouth! I felt like the faded-t-shirt-and-jeans-wearing-everyday-me was getting ready to take on the peep-toed-shoe-and-white-dress-wearing-bride-me in a knock-down drag-out fight.

Brickcityboxing.com

The first time (yeah, there have been many) I experienced this was when I was making my very first inspiration board. My inspiration board contained photos of “girly” things that I never would love as everyday Miss Meerkat. It contained things like romantic flowers and ball gown-style dresses. It hit me one day that I just couldn’t see myself in that inspiration board. When I looked at it, it was someone else I envisioned in there.

Now, I would love to be able to write about how I found some quick fix for this, but just when I think I have defined my identity as a bride, something else for the wedding comes along and throws me back into a bridentity crisis. What keeps me sane is forcing myself to step back and look at the whole picture. I ask myself, “Is that me, or is that a vision of someone else I am building?” Doing this has bit me in the butt a few times as I have had to scratch my ideas and start again, but when I look back at the original and the more “me” version, I am much happier with the “me” version.

Has anyone else had a bridentity crisis? What do you do to keep yourself sane?

Tags: emotional, riviera-maya |

Share |

Latest Gallery Pics

Hot Pink and White with Zebra 36" Lighted Spandex Ostrich Feather Centerpiece

12 Responses to “Bridentity Crisis – Everyday Me vs Bride Me”

Member

Mrs. Furry (message) 90 posts, Worker bee

ME! I can’t even tell you how much I FREAKED out when we first went wedding dress shopping. I hated it. All the attention and fluff and puff? Not me. I ended up getting a dress at the first tore and only tried on a few dresses just to get it over with. And I still struggle with how my dress is so “traditional” looking. But the fact of the matter is, it’s super comfortable and very unique (both very much me). And I also felt like I was expected to act a certain way in every day life. Like, “Ooh I’m engaged la-dee-dah..” I need to wear dresses and make up every day to match my gorgeous new ring, haha. But not I’m over it. I think.. haha.

9/14/10 @ 3:46 pm (reply)

Member

Entangled (message) 2,616 posts, Sugar bee

I keep feeling like I am fighting off one, and I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or not.

Everyday me is an extreme tomboy. Multiple times this week I have come home and the first thing I said to my fiance was “why isn’t the football game on?” My fashion sense tops out pretty close to “pick up from floor and sniff.”

I have no sense of fashion or design. I wish I did but then I start trying to visualize stuff and it never works out. So right now I’m ignoring all of that. On one hand, if bridal me ever shows up, it will be a total identity crisis. But on the other hand, if she doesn’t we may have a totally undecorated wedding.

9/14/10 @ 3:51 pm (reply)

Member

staceynrick (message) 472 posts, Helper bee

I’m right there with you! It’s not just the “oh you HAVE to get a beautiful white gown!” or the abundance of pastels and more attention than I’ve ever had…. it’s warping my brain! I mean, never in my life would I have thought to consider paying $4000 for a photographer! Ever! And flowers? I don’t really like flowers…why am I hiring a florist? And a videographer when I never watch home movies? Not to mention the fact that I hate white, hate roses, hate pastels, and really don’t like being the center of attention! I’ve managed to get the colors to reflect my personality and who I am. Wow… even writing that makes me feel weird! My Colors? Ugh!

I just don’t get it. How do weddings make people SO DIFFERENT? I have been talking with my FI’s friends who are really cool, unusual people. They race motorcycles, listen to metal, travel, watch rugby, don’t care about the trends/styles yadda yadda….and I tell them there won’t be any white and they’re like “What? You have to have white! It’s a wedding!” Who the hell are you people! It’s like you mention the “W” word and the pod people take over! Apparently, even Non-Brides have bridentity crises!

I have gotten to the point where I have to ask myself “is this really what I/we would want? If this weren’t a wedding, would we still do this?”…. and I STILL second guess myself! Argh!

9/14/10 @ 4:29 pm (reply)

Member

emma5w (message) 547 posts, Busy bee

I have found myself lusting over super-girly things and things that I never would’ve considered. Then I show a picture to FI or my mom, and they’re like, “Really? Are you sure?” It forces me to take a step back and reconsider. I’ve ended up negating a lot of things that, had I not taken time with or asked for feedback on, I probably would have regretted because it wouldn’t have been an honest reflection of who FI and I are. It would have been a reflection of who I thought “bride emma5w” should be. And that’s not what I want for our wedding. I’ve been able to reign myself in and create a look that, we think, shows our friends and family waht we’re about.

9/14/10 @ 4:39 pm (reply)

Member

missbiscuit (message) 1,050 posts, Bumble bee

I feel like I am in a constant state of pushme-pullme between wanting to honor my casual side and love of a more relaxed, rustic affair and my more traditional side and love of things that are classic and elegant. Rustic or elegant? Rustic or elegant? Rustic or elegant? AAAAAAHGH! It’s making me crazy!!

9/14/10 @ 6:17 pm (reply)

Member

missbiscuit (message) 1,050 posts, Bumble bee

PS- I know rustic & elegant are not mutually exclusive, but even when it comes down to what the groom/his guys will wear… do we go with a dark, classic black suit or do I mimic the inspiration pictures I love so much and do something in a lighter tan/gray? Each evokes an ENTIRELY different feeling from the other! And I like both! Both are me! Just different sides of me!

9/14/10 @ 6:19 pm (reply)

Member

Texacali (message) 109 posts, Blushing bee

Oh man, I totally feel you Meerkat! I had the same thing when I first started planning. But I quickly implemented a rule for myself - it sounds silly, but here it is - if I don’t feel like doing a high kick after making a decision, it’s not the right one!

I know that seems random, but after making all the decisions that felt right, like our venue, colors, etc., I’ve been so excited I could do a high kick…therefore, that is now my new standard.

9/14/10 @ 6:56 pm (reply)

Member

marieta (message) 339 posts, Helper bee

I’ve recently been feeling like this… that I’m detached from what I’m building. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my dress (and that’s really the only thing nailed down right now). I definitely want to wear it. But having all the attention on us and having all those people come across the country for us… it’s daunting and I’m not sure I want it anymore. (”all” those people, right… we’re having less than 50 people total.) And I’m so casual in regular life that more and more I don’t want the fancy stuff. It’s not me.

I guess we’ll see how things work out as we structure it.

9/14/10 @ 7:38 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Meerkat (message) 3,216 posts, Sugar bee

I am glad to hear that I am not the only one out there who feels like that have been thrown into “girl world”!

@Entangled:ROFL I love your fashion sense! =)

@Texacali: Actually what you said makes a lot sense. If your not super excited then whats the point of even having it.

@marieta: Don’t worry it gets easier the further along in the planning you get. At first I was scared stiff about being the center of attention but the closer it gets the less worried I am.

9/14/10 @ 8:42 pm (reply)

10.

Bee

Miss Glasses (message) 2,741 posts, Sugar bee

Great post! I am usually all about sticking it to the man, unconforming and not being drawn into the industry but I really find myself being sucked into the wedding machine. It totally sucks!

9/15/10 @ 2:58 am (reply)

11.

Member

tiffinapit (message) 227 posts, Helper bee

I LOVED that quote in the Offbeat Bride book! I am an OBT member and very happy to be there (happy to be in the hive too!)
I am a tomboy and very no-frills in my every day life. I am a Nursing student and one of the things that excites me about being a nurse is that I essentially get to wear pj’s to work everyday and makeup is optional!
The crazy thing is that my bridentity (and my FH’s uh-groomdentity(?)) are very fancy and what have you. we are definitely not having a traditional affair but we are having a lot more high-maintenance stuff like fancy linens and such than I ever thought imaginable!
We both feel like this is the most epic party we will ever throw for the most epic reason ever and we want to go all out. So why the f not, right? But this is a great post to make people think about their weddings a little more.
OH-another of my fav parts of the Offbeat book is when she said that you should choose your wedding venue because it’s special, that it would be somewhere you would normally go if it weren’t your wedding. So we chose a local Tulip farm where we take our son every year to their tulip festival. They have an AMAZING 2.5 acre landscaped and floral garden they rent our for weddings with all the fixings and its awesomesauce! No it doesn’t match our semi-gothic red and black chinese themed wedding but who cares? We love it and that’s all that matters. AND we get to visit our wedding venue at least once a year to relive those memories (and make new ones!)

9/15/10 @ 3:25 am (reply)

12.

Bee

Miss Meerkat (message) 3,216 posts, Sugar bee

@Miss Glasses: LOL I am with you there. Mr. M. says there is always something I am crusading for.

@tiffinapit: Exactly!! We are trying to do a epic party without losing who we are. I may not be showing up in my usual faded t-shirt but I still want it to resemble us. BTW LOVE the tulips farm idea!!!

9/15/10 @ 8:45 am (reply)