Weddingbee Blog

Dear Hair:

Over the past 22 years that we have known each other, we’ve had a bit of a tumultuous relationship. There have been stretches of time when we got along just fine, and there have even been days where I thought you were pretty wonderful. Take, for example, the day that I got my high school senior photos done. We were on great terms that day.

(Photo by Little Reflections photography)

Look at those curls! And that smile on my face…we were so happy then. Of course, we had some special help from the hair therapist that day. Very rarely have we gotten along that well without professional help.

Of course, then you have to take into consideration my entire childhood. We were NOT happy back then.

You seemed to want to repel yourself as far away from my head as you possibly could, resulting in my looking slightly I just stuck my finger in an electrical socket on any given day.

(Check out that bathing suit!)

I thought it would help if I just cut you all off and kept you really short, but that just seemed to make you even more mad. Those months of growing you back out are a very dark spot on my memories of my childhood. I don’t like to revisit them often, if I can help it.

Oh, and please don’t even get me started on how disgusted you seem to be about having to actually STAY in my head. My entire life, every time I have brushed my hair, huge chunks of you have come falling out. Forget about even getting to wear a white shirt—in 10 minutes I’m completely covered in my own hair. My bathroom floor constantly looks like someone just shaved their head onto it, and poor Mr. Cardigan is always walking around the house yelling “Your hair is EVERYWHERE!” (Bonus points for anyone who knows the Dashboard reference!) It’s not like it’s a health problem or anything, because Sister Cardy and Mom Cardy have the same problem. So, I don’t see why you insist on doing it.

When I got to college, I felt like maybe I had been taking the wrong approach all of these years. When I got frustrated with you, I would just cut you, but that never really seemed to placate you for long. Sure, you would calm down for a few weeks, but then you’d start hating me all over again and we were back to fighting constantly. I really don’t like fighting with you, hair. I want us to get along.

So, in an effort to make peace, I decided to dye you.

I loved the change, and you seemed to as well. Sure, sometimes you would get pissed if I used a brand you didn’t like, then you decided to turn red on me (and we both know that’s NOT an attractive look for me), but for the most part we were getting along.

Then.

You decided to start growing. Like…obscenely fast. It’s not normal, hair, and I don’t like it. I dyed my hair less than a month ago, and there is already about 3/4 of an inch of roots showing through. Roots aren’t cute, hair. You know that just as well as I do.

So why are you torturing me?! I thought our relationship was getting better—I really did! I can’t deal with dying you every three weeks…and I’m afraid to take you back to your natural color because of that other horribly mean thing you did to me. Oh what? You don’t remember. Let me remind you.

YOU WENT GRAY. At 21 freaking years old I found my first gray hair. Not. Cool. So, my worry is that I try to make you happy by taking you back to our natural color, but then you decide to just start growing out all gray. Because you’re really just mean like that.

So, I’m writing to you to ask for a truce. I’ll be nicer to you and stop complaining so much (and get you trimmed a bit more often) if you’ll just STOP MAKING MY ROOTS SHOW.

Deal?

Kthanks. Love you!

- Miss Cardigan

Hive, this is a serious cry for help. Any advice for me? Can I make my hair stop growing so fast? Do you like it lighter or darker? What can I DO? Help!