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There was absolutely no doubt in my mind that we would do a first look before the ceremony. I am a complete type-A planner after all, so not doing one seemed like a logistical nightmare and more of a hassle than it was worth. The idea of having to rush through pictures before the reception kind of gives me hives. And what if I cry during the ceremony? My makeup will look like crap and my eyes will be all puffy in pictures that are supposed to last for the rest of our lives. I’m not sure how I feel about that.
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The first look seemed like the best way to accomplish getting most, if not all, of our pictures out of the way while we were looking our best, and it would be great to spend more time with our guests! Well…that was the plan…or I should say my plan. Until….
The other night, King Hippo and I were watching Say Yes to the Dress. OK, I was watching it, he was on the laptop, but he said, “I’m kind of intrigued by your dress.”
“Oh, whatever do you mean, King Hippo?”
“Well, I know you have the dress that you will wear when we get married, and it’s such a big deal, but I have no idea what it looks like. It’s just kind of intriguing.”
Hmmm…maybe I’ve been too quick on the trigger with this first look thing. King Hippo and I starting talking about the first look concept, which he had never heard of (oh, sweet, sweet, non-wedding obsessed King H!), and he thought it would be more special to not see each other until the ceremony. Selfish me hadn’t even thought he would have a strong opinion about it either way, but he does. I explained the logistical challenges, which he gets, and we ended the conversation agreeing to both think about it, discuss with our photographers, and then make a decision.
Now I’m totally torn! I definitely see how special it is to not see each other all dolled up until the actual ceremony, but crazy event planner Hippo feels like everything will just run so much smoother with the first look and photos out of the way before the ceremony, not to mention that we wouldn’t have to worry about trying to dodge each other before the ceremony starts…the gallery’s not all that big! There have been very few things in regards to the wedding plans that King Hippo feels strongly about, so I feel like if not doing a first look is important to him, I should just get over the challenges and go with it. But, the whole concept of rushing through pictures after the ceremony kind of makes my stomach hurt. Aaaahhhh…so much to think about!
Any other type-A brides that didn’t do a first look? How did it go? Were you able to get in all the photos you wanted during the cocktail hour?
Grappling with the opposite problem… my FI helped me shop for my dress (yes, we are weird like that) so he totally knows what it looks like. I love the idea of doing a first look to have a few private moments together before the craziness of the day but a part of me wonders what the point is if he already knows what it looks like. Meaning, maybe the most meaningful part will seeing each other at the ceremony and knowing “that is it!”.
We did a first look and I was really happy we did. The logistics aspect was nice since we did get all of our couples’ and bridal party pictures done before the ceremony. But something I hadn’t anticipated was that on the day of the wedding, I could NOT wait to see him! I was way too excited to wait patiently for the ceremony before I got to spend time with him, and I know I would have blown it by sneaking around to see him beforehand anyway. It was great to have it all planned out with the photographer documenting the moment. And those pictures are some of my favorite from the whole day, and I still cry every time I look at them.
Obviously if it’s important to the groom to wait then you should talk it over with him, but you can tell him that my groom, at least, was really happy we did a first look.
I just got married in August, and let me tell you, that we both have said that our first look was our favorite moment of our entire wedding day. It was special, intimate, emotional, and absolutely amazing. We both cried and he twirled me around to see my entire look and we hugged and kissed …all things we wouldn’t have been able to really do if it was all happening during the ceremony with everyone staring at us. Also, it was really great spending more time at our cocktail hour because of it. Lastly, the pictures and the video we have of our first look are priceless and gives us goosebumps every time we see them. 
We’re definitely doing a first look! I think it’ll help calm our nerves and focus on each other that day! I”m really looking forward to sharing that moment in private instead of in front of a crowd.
Given our wedding was very small but we did a first look at the condos we were staying at and looking at the pictures I’m so happy we did. I still had that nerve wracking omg I’m going to cry feeling and then when he saw me we were able to laugh, cry, hug, tell each other what we thought…it really was a great moment and had we met at the beach/ceremony we wouldn’t have had that.
When we first started talking about when we were going to do pictures, my husband specifically said he didn’t want to see me until I was walking down the aisle. Yes, we missed our entire cocktail hour, but it was well worth it - the pictures we have of him seeing me round the corner are amazing. I wouldn’t have done it any other way.
Im struggling with the same thought! And especially since we are doing it in the evening!
The only conclusion I can come to is, (1) that we do our separate pics together before the ceremony and then some together after and with our family! (2) we do some while there is complete light out, separate for so long and then see each other at the ceremony! or (3) Do something special for when we first see each other! I love the “First Look” pics, they make me tear up! Or when they are back to back! I love that!
GOOD LUCK!!
Maybe suggest that you have the logistics figured out if there is a first look, and if he doesn’t want to have one than he can come up with the schedule for the day that includes all the photo’s you are looking for and still being able to enjoy your reception. Maybe if the logistical problems become his problems…he will understand better.
I think first looks aren’t just great for logistical reasons, they are also incredibly romantic Think about it, you get to see each other for the first time all dressed up on your wedding day without the eyes of a zillion people on you! I love it. Maybe I’m just biased though, because I am a very private person who isn’t very fond of the spotlight! If you do decide to go the first look route, maybe you could have it set up so he sees you walking towards him as if you were walking down the aisle
I really really really really want to do a first look for the same reason. I don’t want to rush. I don’t want to cry and ruin my make up. Depending on how the FI feels I completely will do it. I want a private moment with him to remember that it’s not just about a party, that it about us getting married and becoming husband and wife.
My fiance and I were totally against “first look” - he was actually the one that felt most strong about it. We envisioned me walking down the aisle and seeing each other for the first time, and felt that having a first look took away from that moment. But after reading everyone post about their special days, maybe I wasn’t so right! I love the idea of having a special moment to laugh, cry, hug, kiss, etc, just for you, where no one else is around. (except photographer) My suggestion is talk to him about that moment being more than for logistic purposes. Perhaps he feels that the ONLY reason that you want this for things to run more smoothly that day, and he’s afraid that you two won’t have that “moment”. Show him everyone’s responses, maybe that will get him to change his mind 
We are going to have our bridal party and parents get there early and take the pictures we can before the ceremy (me and my bridesmaids, me and my mother, etc.). After the ceremony we will take the rest of the photos. I’ve always envisioned us not seeing each other until I walk down the aisle and this seems to be the most practical way to go about it…
Mr. Lion is VERY against the first look…he’s big on the surprise! I’m totally Type A too. Our photographer said that we’d do pictures separately before the ceremony, then together after. I’m hoping that if we take enough before it’ll cut back on time spent taking pictures during cocktail hour? Maybe? Please?
We aren’t doing it. You just gotta ask yourself, what’s more important? “Getting all that out of the way,” or having THAT moment, when the doors open and he sees you coming down the aisle to him, with the music playing….sigh. lol can you tell I’m a hopeless romantic?
My fiancé and I are having the same conversation, with the same viewpoints as yours. One thing we considered, now that we’re officially getting married in a church, is the fact that photographers often can’t proceed past the back of the church. Can they add zoom lenses and move around? Yes, of course, I want the focus to be on us, not people in the back of the room scrambling for that all-important first look. And I want the full experience with lots of “evidence” for 50 years from now when I want to remember how wowed he was to see me for the first time.
I still think that whatever moment you have that you first see each other will be incredible. And that even if you’ve seen each other, everything else about the ceremony will be amazing enough that you’ll still be overwhelmed by emotion!
i love this idea, i cant say it enough. of course i want to bask in that “first look” expression of his, but i also want our US time alone, before the remainder of the busy evening
I am so excited to do a first look! I love the idea of having a more intimate moment together before we see all our guests. Of course he had never heard of this, but he was on board once I explained that we would be able to enjoy our cocktail hour with our guests, which is immediately following our ceremony.
It sounds like there a lot of guys out there though who recognize this (first seeing the bride coming down the aisle) as the one very traditional thing they expect from a wedding!
I’m going to offer a counterpoint to all the pro-First Look-ers. I’m all for people being able to do whatever they want, but for me personally, I am totally against First Look. Here’s why:
1.) It will take away from the getting-ready time I’ll have with my mom, grandma, sister and bridesmaids. That’s some of the best “girl time” you’ll ever get. Plus it seems like the logistical problems it SOLVES with regards to photos…it can CAUSE with regards to hair/makeup/manicure. I get hot easily, and I want my hair and makeup to be fresh for the ceremony!
2.) To me, first-look shots always look EXACTLY THE SAME. For something that’s supposed to look so candid, it can be extremely posed and formulaic in my opinion. I can only see a bride coyly sneaking up on a back-turned groom so many times before it starts to seem a little gimmicky. I’ve never seen one that looked substantially different than another. Yeah, he’s seeing you for the first time in your dress, and that’s sweet….but he’s doing it to TAKE A PICTURE. To me, that sort of cheapens it a little.
3.) If Mr. Musical saw me before I entered the chapel, to me it’d be no different than if I let him go dress shopping with me, or go to my fittings. Won’t it spoil the surprise either way? When he sees me in the chapel, it’ll be different, because I’m in that room to be his wife. It’s the main event. I have trouble articulating this idea, but it’s been the most nagging issue I have with First Look the entire time I’ve been thinking about these sorts of things.
4.) I’ve never heard of a photog not being able to go to the front to photo the wedding, but if he didn’t have the sort of equipment needed to overcome that challenge, he/she would NOT be taking pictures at my wedding. Many of the amateurs I know have zoom lenses more than good enough to do the job, assuming you’re not marrying by candlelight….
5.) I’m not going to deprive my guests of seeing the looks on our faces as we see one another for the first time on our wedding day. It’s what they’re there for–to see us lock gazes as we close the distance between us for the final time and become husband and wife. THAT’S why people cry at weddings–beholding the beauty of a man and a woman seeing another for the first time in their wedding finery. I’ve been to enough weddings to know that there’s nothing like that. It sounds cheesy, but the room radiates with that love. It’s almost palpable. It To me, having a first look would be to destroy the drama of that moment, and take a lot of that beauty away. I want everyone to see my groom when he sees me walk through those doors to become his wife. Plus, some of the best shots are of parents, friends, etc crying as they see you crying as you see each other. The crying isn’t something to “get out of the way”! You’re crying because of love, and love’s what it’s all about. The fact that I can feel emotion so strongly for another human being is worth all the smudgy-eye pictures in the world. People won’t say, “Oh, how sad that her pictures were ruined!” anyway when they see crying pics. They’ll say “Isn’t it beautiful how in love they looked right then.”
As you can tell, I’ve thought about this A LOT. Again, not knocking anyone’s First Looks. I can see reasons for doing it…but these are my reasons for not doing it. We are going to leave for the honeymoon a little later, giving us time to do some awesome “day after” shots 
FI and I actually discussed it over the weekend. FI is totally traditional and against it. I dont’ want to ruin my make up because I will SO cry. So we’re 99% sure that we won’t do a First Look.
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Mrs. Hippo, New York City/Dallas, TX Age and Occupation: 34, Event Planner for a Non-Profit Fiance's Age and Occupation: 35, Finance IT Engagement Date: August 8, 2009 Wedding Date: March 2011 Venue: Samuel Lynne Galleries and Marc Events About Me: I’m a thirty-something bride living in New York City and planning a modern-ish wedding in Dallas, Texas. I love trashy reality television (Jersey Shore, anyone?), online shopping, Sunday brunch, Central Park, and random celebrity spottings on the streets of Manhattan. While I love NYC, I miss good Tex-Mex, my college friends, central A/C, and being in close proximity to a Target. I’m thrilled to finally be planning an event that’s not work-related and to be marrying my best friend in what I hope will be a unique and personal ceremony followed by a reception with plenty of good food, good drinks, and dancing (regardless if it’s good or not).
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