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One of the issues with having my dad officiate the Pin Cushion ceremony was figuring out how to make the marriage legal. Before the wedding, we applied for our marriage license, and my dad applied to be a “Deputy Commissioner of Marriage” for one day.
My dad practicing his officiant duties at our rehearsal
But post-wedding, we were a bit perplexed about the next step. We didn’t bring the marriage license to the wedding to sign…because we couldn’t find it!
A few weeks passed, and we kept telling each other we should really find and turn in our marriage license so we could actually be married. I asked my mom in passing if she had seen the license around their house and she nonchalantly said she and my dad had already brought it down to the courtroom for us!
How the license was signed and turned in without my or Mr. Pin Cushion’s knowledge is beyond me, but I thought, “Hey, as long as it’s done and we’re married, I’m happy.” Until two weeks later, when we received a letter in the mail telling us that, in fact, we WEREN’T married!
Our lovely letter from the county clerk
Turns out, when my dad was filling out his officiant (aka “Certification of Person Solemnizing Marriage”) section, there was a bit of confusion. Here’s what went down (seen below in the highlighted area):
Not like a Catholic-Priest-Father. Since he is definitely not that. But like, my father. Father of the bride. “Dad” is an official title, right?
Mr. Pin Cushion and I filled out an Affidavit to Amend a Marriage Record (since the county didn’t like the one my dad filled out) and sent it into the courthouse. It’s been a month and we haven’t heard anything. We hope that means we filled it out correctly and that we’re actually married. Fingers crossed.
How do you find out if you are married? Call the courthouse and ask them, “Can you tell me if I’m married?” (And be prepared to be laughed at?) There must be another way, right?
You’ll know you are married when you get your marriage certificate in the mail 
My mom did the deputy for a day thing, too….I hope she filled it out better. Gulp.
I called the Attorney General for our state to triple check that my brother could get ordained online and marry us, and its totally legal in the state of Maryland. The weird thing is, the officiant just signs your marriage license and sends a generic copy to the court house, and you keep the signed license so you don’t have to wait for your license to come in the mail like so many other states.
Since I wasn’t changing my name, we wouldn’t actually see a copy of the certificate, so I decided to double-check our minister took care of it. I actually did call our courthouse to ask if our license had been filed, thankfully they didn’t laugh at me! Hint: they always file these under the husband’s name, even if you aren’t changing yours.
I called b/c a friend of ours actually found out months later (while changing her last name before their baby’s birth) that their priest never sent the certificate back to the courthouse for filing, so they weren’t legally married. Then said priest filled out the form wrong, and she had to do a resubmission…talk about an upset pregnant lady!
It seems that under California law you don’t receive a marriage license after you are married. See “You will NOT receive a copy of your marriage license after you have been married unless you request and pay for a certified copy from the County Clerk or County Recorder as applicable” on http://www.cdph.ca.gov/certlic/birthdeathmar/Pages/MarriageLicenseceremonygeneralinfo.aspx.
It also seems that getting a certified Copy can take some time. If it were me, I’d physically go to the location where you got your marriage license, explain your situation, and ask them how you can find out.
our officiant is non-denominational as well and he did a dash as well! He got the letter to fill out and form and now we have an addendum on our marriage certificate. it’s two pages instead of 1, so i think people get confused when i give them both!
You should be able to go to the courthouse and order a certified copy–just for your peace of mind–my daughter did that about 3 weeks after the wedding in order to start the name-changing process. A good friend who had only performed 2 other weddings officiated at theirs, needless to say, I was relieved to actually see the certified copy!
Oh my! Fingers crossed that things worked out! These things are so fickle! We had a bit of confusion to because we got married legally in Japan and I wasn’t sure if my name changed and if I had to do anything in the U.S., etc. As we say in Japanese, “Ganbatte!” or “Try your best!”
Oh no! I sure hope it’s all settled and you really are married now!
Hahahah omg–Dad is totally an official title!! You mean that doesn’t count on a marriage certificate?? lol–hope you sort it out soon, but that’s just too funny!
Yikes! My cousin is marrying us, so I could see us running into a similar issue! Thanks for the heads up. I’m sure everything will get resolved soon. Keep us posted!
hahahah! That is a priceless Dad moment! I hope you saved the letter!
@MrsMoose: Thanks Mrs. Moose for the advice. I think I’ll take your advice and actually go down to the courthouse to talk to them.
@Miss Glasses: I can’t imagine how confusing that would be to get married in Japan and then have to figure out how to get it legalized in the US. Geesh!
@Miss Socks: We got a huge kick out of it-I laughed for about 5 minutes.
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Mrs. Pin Cushion, Oakland, CA Age and Occupation: 25, Nurse Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, PhD Student Engagement Date: November 23, 2008 Wedding Date: July 2010 Venue: Radonich Ranch, Los Gatos About Me: I'm the 3 Cs: crafty, creative and quirky (oh, that's not a C? Close enough!). I'm also a recycling fanatic, fluent in bad accents and I have the loudest laughter this side of the Mississippi. I have not just one sweet tooth, but a whole mouth full of sweet teeth. I cry at 97.4% of all movies I see, but my fiance's always there to hand me a tissue. My geek-chic fiance and I are planning a wedding full of color, cookies and handmade goodness and I can't wait to spill the beans on all of our crazy ideas!
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