Weddingbee Blog

*personal photo of grandpa with cousins*

I wanted to write this post weeks ago, but I haven’t had the guts to confront my own feelings on the matter. I think it’s time, so please bear with me.

Two weeks ago, I lost my grandfather. My only living grandpa, and the only grandparent I have ever known. He would have turned 100 years old at the end of this year. For over a year, my family has known that grandpa could leave us any day. My parents struggled with whether to go back to Vietnam to see him while he was alive or to wait until after the wedding, hoping that he would have made it past the wedding. My aunt had a difficult time deciding if she would come to the wedding because of grandpa’s status.

He lived a long life. Almost 100 years! And he was a healthy man who refused to retire from being a businessman until the day he passed. All this without the modern medical marvels that exist in the U.S. All this to say that there’s no need to feel bad. It was grandpa’s time and it’s okay to start to rejoice about the long, happy, and healthy life he had.

The difficulty in all this has been understanding the role that my wedding has had in his life and death situation. In Vietnamese culture, it is incredibly bad luck to have a wedding right after a death. Even wedding guests refuse to attend weddings after losing a loved one because they fear bring bad luck on the newlyweds. The day after the wedding, I heard someone ask my dad how grandpa was doing. He said that grandpa was hanging on and that he really believed that grandpa was hanging on until after the wedding. He also said that had grandpa passed before the wedding, he would have had a difficult time moving forward with the wedding. It would have meant such horrible luck for our marriage.

So, here’s my thought. Grandpa held off dying for our wedding?!?!? It’s incredibly thoughtful of him. But is our wedding really a matter of life and death? I’m not kidding here. I feel like it takes our wedding up a notch to think that Grandpa actually mentally hung in there long enough not to impact our wedding day. I’m grateful and appreciative. I’m just having a difficult time understanding how our wedding could be THAT big of a deal.

A lot of people have to deal with illness and death around their wedding days. I can only pretend to know how differently our wedding day would have been had we had a family death looming over us. When my uncle presented us with grandpa’s wedding gift to us, I felt so honored and special. I had tears in my eyes, but it was easy to hold it together. Had he passed, I’m certain I and my entire family would have been bawling our eyes out. I’m not sure what dynamic that would have brought to our wedding day. I suppose it would have been comforting to know that we were all together to remember him. What sucks is that I found out about his passing at my home in Boston with only Mr Hot Wings around. No mom, no dad, no aunts, uncles, or cousins to remember grandpa with. It’s hard to deal with the loss when there’s no one around dealing with the same loss.

So today, I just want to publicly thank Grandpa for his selfless gesture. I am honored that he thought of us and our marriage. I hope with all my heart that he did not suffer through those last days just for us. And I hope and pray that he rests in peace now and forever. Grandpa, I love you and will remember you until the day we meet again.