Weddingbee Blog

I know, practically every blogger bride has to bring up the subject of last names and whether she will be changing hers or not. For good reason—it can be a subject that comes with very mixed-up feelings. To some it can seem a simple decision between “yes” or “no,” but for others, it is not that simple at all.

I always thought I would be absolutely fine and dandy with taking Mr E’s last name as my own (incidentally, both our last names start with the letter “E” so at least my initials stay the same).

And then…well, I started not feeling so black-and-white about it. This happened first when Mr E and I were reading sample ceremony scripts together to get ideas for ours, and we came across the pronouncement line: “I give you Mr. and Mrs. [insert man’s last name here], husband and wife!”

I totally froze.

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Just thinking about our officiant saying that, only with Mr. E’s last name instead, made me panic. Now, it isn’t that I don’t like Mr. E’s last name. It’s not that I’m not proud to share a name with him, representing our new family unit and the commitment we have made to each other. I like the idea of all that very much.

It’s that I’m kind of attached to my name already…I’m used to it and to give it up feels like I’m losing a vital piece of my identity. This is for a few reasons: First, I strongly identify with my family and their name. We take a great deal of pride in it—it isn’t exactly common either. Secondly, I’m an English and linguistics student so names and the naming of people or things is something I am obsessed with. Changing my name completely feels just a bit too much like a personality shift (yes, I know, it isn’t literally. But it sure feels like it). Who is this Mrs E_? What will she be like? Not that learning to identify with a new name will be a bad thing, but it is going to be something to get used to…and I usually take quite awhile to get used to major changes. I need to “marinate” on things like that for awhile.

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Finally, I have established myself with my writing and my research/studies under my maiden name already. I don’t want to lose all the ground I have covered with my old name by having to get recognised for my work again under a new one.

Ahh dilemmas. But don’t worry—there are solutions, too!

Mr E is very understanding of my need to warm up to the idea of a new name. He even said he would be quite happy to take my name if that is what I want (it isn’t whose name we have that is important to him—it is the sharing of a name). But we have decided that we won’t take that route—instead we have come up with a different sort of compromise: I keep my original name for my writing and career (that is, it is going to be my pen name). But for everything else in life I will proudly take Mr. E’s name. This is a compromise that we can both be comfortable with (though I still need to get used to the sound of “Mrs E” !) and feel unified under.

And we have also decided that when we are pronounced as husband and wife (ooh, now those are two words I can really feel happy about) only our first names will be used. So that we will feel like “us”: two individuals joined together forever in love.

Have you had mixed feelings about changing your name after marriage (if you will be changing it)?