Insecurities

Insecurities

September 25th, 2010 @ 11:30 am by Mrs. Brooch
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I’ve been feeling very insecure about things lately.

As soon as I hear about another wedding, venue, or DIY project, I start to feel unprepared for our big day. I start to question whether Oxon Hill is really a nice venue and whether I’ve chosen the right DIY projects to tackle…

I know, I know. What’s my problem? This is our day to create any kind of party we want, anywhere we want (considering our budget, of course), so why should it matter what others think and what others do? Well, it just does. You don’t want to do a crap job. I just get cold feet about the decisions we’ve made, and it sucks. I honestly wish I wasn’t like that, but I feel like I can’t help myself. I wish I felt more assured in our decisions. I can’t stand being such a fickle bride.

Here’s the thing: a friend tells me her friend picked their wedding venue and it’s a resort. Immediately, I start to wonder if our venue is as nice. I start to wonder why we didn’t pick a resort. I run and look up the resort, just to find it’s rated 4.5 stars on Wedding Wire. What do I do next? In a complete panic (unforeseen by others, of course), I promptly check the ratings for Oxon Hill.

Please, please God! Let it be 4.5 stars or more!

Whew.

It’s 4.5 stars…

I think it goes without saying we all feel insecure sometimes, and our wedding is not going to be any different. We’re going to see and hear about other brides and weddings, and sometimes feel a little envy or doubt. What I’m saying is that it’s normal. I know it is, but it still sucks.

Do you feel insecure about your wedding? What makes you feel that way? How do you get past it?

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20 Responses to “Insecurities”

Member

sapphirebride (message) 1,747 posts, Bumble bee

I know some other weddings I have attended and will attend will be “nicer” than ours. But never in the way that’s going to matter the most to me and the people that love us–I know our wedding will be so full of love and joy that on that day there’ll be no way at all that I’ll care about comparing it to someone else’s.

9/25/10 @ 11:34 am (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Trail Mix (message) 6,328 posts, Bee Keeper

I think we all feel like this at some point or another during the planning process, it’s tough not to compare! I had a total sobbing breakdown at one of my best friend’s weddings bc I was sure ours wasn’t going to be as nice as hers but then on the day of the wedding, it didn’t matter at all!!

9/25/10 @ 11:44 am (reply)

Member

kenzieb07 (message) 45 posts, Newbee

I was so relieved to find this blog. Last night I laid in bed crying about my wedding (which is next weekend), thinking that all the choices I’ve made up to this point have been wrong. I feel like I haven’t done the right things and haven’t done enough. I still love the venue and don’t question it, but i question all of the other things I have done to make the venue sparkle. We don’t have the money to get chair covers or ceiling decorations, so I’m afraid of it just looking like a cafeteria. We went with short DIY centerpieces, so when you walk in nothing will be tall and beautiful. I question all of this and it makes me uneasy.

I know my FI and I will love it… but you’re right, it DOES still matter to us Brides what others think. If we didn’t care what others thought, would we spend all this time and money on creating a wedding to please?

I’m sure we’re both just insecure because it’s a BIG day and it’s the only (hopefully) one we’ll have. We don’t have a test run and we can’t get a do-over. It’s one shot. But, we can do this! Best of luck to you, and just remember through it all that at the end of the day, you will be the wife of the man of your dreams.

9/25/10 @ 12:06 pm (reply)

Member

gulbraa44 (message) 391 posts, Helper bee

Yes I feel insecure just like you.

9/25/10 @ 12:50 pm (reply)

Guest

Any time I feel a glimmer of “did I make the right choice?” I replace it with…”Well, I already made the choice.”

I mean, maybe in a different life I would have chosen a different venue. But this is this life, the choice is made, and it’s a heck of a lot better than not having chosen ANY venue and scrambling.

Nothing about your wedding has to get any stars on WeddingWire. It’ll be 5 stars for being YOU.

9/25/10 @ 1:09 pm (reply)

Member

doingathing (message) 460 posts, Helper bee

I’m going to a wedding at Oxon Hill Manor tonight! I will let you know how it goes.

9/25/10 @ 1:23 pm (reply)

Member

jgoulart (message) 1,069 posts, Bumble bee

Confession? A friend of mine got married a mere four months before me and I couldn’t wait to one-up her.

I think we all feel the need to compare at times and it’s so hard NOT think about how it could have been or should have been. We are all human.

9/25/10 @ 1:45 pm (reply)

Member

bunnylovesbear (message) 1,726 posts, Bumble bee

I just ran to weddingwire to check my venue’s rating after reading this! we’re in the clear!

9/25/10 @ 1:59 pm (reply)

Member

tiffinapit (message) 227 posts, Helper bee

I have a few moments of wondering, but overall we are happy with our choices and decisions. We have a relatively small budget and are making every penny count so we are getting a lot of bang for our buck. Will it be a super-lavish affair with tons of professionally-catered food and a five-star videographer team capturing it all? No, we are doing our own food and will borrow a camcorder for posterity.
But our photographer is great (and in our budget), and our venue is gorgeous and a very special place to us.
I guess it is easy for me because my circle of friends and family don’t typically have a lot of money for lavish affairs so my standards are fairly low. I also tend to be low-maintenance as a general rule.
I would just breathe and trust in your decisions. If you researched well and your FH is happy then celebrate and try to move on!

9/25/10 @ 2:37 pm (reply)

10.

Member

cr6zy (message) 1,187 posts, Bumble bee

most of the reviews for my vendor are fairly negative. butey are also brides who went with the venues cater and photog and this and that and everything. so their complaints were with how that was handled. another big one from mine was the venue coodinator has no communication skills. well since all he controls of my wedding is the rental space, im ok with that.

9/25/10 @ 2:48 pm (reply)

11.

Member

BunnyBunz (message) 173 posts, Blushing bee

I have moments like these too, especially when it comes to the DIY projects. I look at mine and compare it to the others I see and think, “I wish mine were more creative, or looked nicer.” I’ve let myself get way too down about it too. In the end though I know that I love the choices we’ve made and so does my FH. We are getting married and sharing that special experience with our loved ones, that’s all that matters in the end.

9/25/10 @ 3:33 pm (reply)

12.

Member

mightywombat (message) 3,311 posts, Sugar bee

Oh, constantly. I’m worried because we’re having it at my mom’s house, and I’m really concerned that A) there won’t be enough room inside if it rains (and the backyard slopes too much to have a tent); B) there won’t be enough places for people to sit, and they’ll be annoyed that they have to stand too much. I worry that the flowers in my mom’s backyard don’t match the colors I’d envisioned having for my bouquet. I worry about how we’ll decorate the inside of the house.

So basically yeah, I am having total venue anxiety and second-guessing it a lot. Hopefully I’ll feel better after we meet with the florist and caterer at the house to talk about how to set it all up.

9/25/10 @ 5:07 pm (reply)

13.

Guest

mdbride

Don’t fret - a good friend’s wedding was at Oxon Hill last year and it was perfect!

9/25/10 @ 6:28 pm (reply)

14.

Member

jackiet314 (message) 45 posts, Newbee

I am also very glad that I read this post. I am also worried about the choices I made surrounding my wedding. And at this point- there are some choices I am just stuck with!

But- I am so so excited to be getting married to my best friend & in the end the venue/flowers/DJ/food are all going to be great because its going to be my wedding!

So be confident in your decisions Miss Brooch- your wedding is going to be FABULOUS!

9/25/10 @ 6:57 pm (reply)

15.

Bee

Miss Glasses (message) 2,741 posts, Sugar bee

Wanna know a secret? Weddingbee makes me feel insecure! I mean come on, we are having our wedding in my parents backyard on a tiny, tiny budget and there are some really amazing weddings on here! I need to keep reminding myself that it’s not about where or how much money, it’s about the love. I like this post because it tells me even people getting married at a 4.5 rated mansion get insecure! Thanks!

9/26/10 @ 1:26 am (reply)

16.

Member

Birdie Love (message) 1,683 posts, Bumble bee

@MissGlasses: I feel the same way sometimes!

I worry if our guests are going to be bored with a luncheon reception, I worry if we’re in over our heads, that I’ll never find *the* dress.

*sigh*

9/26/10 @ 10:28 am (reply)

17.

Member

luckyduckluk (message) 127 posts, Blushing bee

Thanks for this post, Miss Brooch. I can totally relate!

Lately I’ve been feeling so insecure about whether our guests will have fun, or if they’ll pay attention (we have 230 guests) or if things will just go terribly awry.

It’s 2 weeks to go and I need to snap out of this and feel happy/excited rather than be worried!

9/26/10 @ 1:55 pm (reply)

18.

Member

clane616 (message) 674 posts, Busy bee

I’m glad to have read this post and all the other comments. I have definitely felt this way. My fiance and I are going to have a very unique and special wedding but the wedding I was at this past weekend was so amazing that I won’t if ours will be as good. They had a videographer, a great ceremony location, a choreographed first dance….so many wonderful things…. It’s good to take a step back and remember that it’s not how many people are there or how fancy it is but that it’s a reflection of you as a couple and there is lots of love. I definitely wished my heart could have been filled with 100% happiness for them and not 5% insecurity and envy but at the end of the day the only one who knew the difference was me.

9/27/10 @ 12:23 pm (reply)

19.

Member

pastachica (message) 14 posts, Newbee

The night before our wedding I had a meltdown at 2am, telling my husband that I thought that we had gone overboard, that things looked too done up and fancy, and that people would judge me for wasting my life, energy and money on such a silly pointless thing…

My fantastic husband reassured me, saying everything we have chosen, we have done so in love, because we want to create a feeling, an atmosphere, and an energy. He told me to trust that what we have created would be just what we wanted… and he was right! By remembering to focus on the energy we wanted to create, the day was the most wonderful of my life.

So I say to you, Brooch, don’t worry so much about the decor, venue and expense. People will come away giddy and grinning if you remember to create an atmosphere that reflects your love, personalities and joy. Good luck! And trust yourself!

9/27/10 @ 12:24 pm (reply)

20.

Member

cabanagrl9 (message) 466 posts, Helper bee

I live in NYC, but am originally from Pittsburgh, PA. We decided to have the wedding here in NY and some people just do not agree with our decision. I get insecure about that decision, but at the end of the day the people who come really want to share the day with us and the people who dont are missing out big time!

9/27/10 @ 2:27 pm (reply)