In Defense of Polygamy?

In Defense of Polygamy?

September 27th, 2010 @ 4:33 pm by Mrs. Pudding
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With the premiere of TLC’s “Sister Wives” this weekend, there has been a lot of talk on television/radio about polygamy. It seems that many people (myself included) are fascinated by the inner workings of such a family. For a feminist like me, the first reaction to such an arrangement is disgust: Why would these women want to share their man? How do they deal with jealousy? Don’t they have the self esteem to say “I, alone, am enough for my husband”?

While listening to an interview with the “Sister Wives” on the Today Show, a light bulb went off in my head. As a nation, we have judged polygamy quite harshly, while at the same time making apologies for divorce and sexual relations outside of wedlock that result in the birth of a child. A man who leaves his older wife with no financial means to take care of herself because he is no longer attracted to her is more noble than a man who takes on a younger wife, but continues to provide financial and emotional comfort to the first wife. In the same vein, is a man who commits to taking care of his multiple lovers and their children really worse that a man who fathers children with multiple women but refuses to make any commitment to them?

The fear of polygamy seems to stem from the many abuses some followers of the practice inflict on women and children. But isn’t it a little unfair to judge the whole by the actions of a few? Being a Catholic, I would be truly upset if someone were to judge me responsible for some of the crimes committed by members of my church.

Now, to make myself clear, I would never practice polygamy. It wouldn’t be right for me, being that I am jealous, opinionated, needy, overly judgmental, etc. I just think that maybe it’s time for us to let people make their own decisions about how they live their lives and what brings them happiness. It just seems silly that relationships like those portrayed in “Sister Wives” and “Big Love” are considered illegal, but Hugh Hefner can have as many live-in girlfriends as he wants.

(source)

Have you watched the new TLC show? What do you think of it? What do you think of polygamy in general? Is this a type of relationship that you would ever consider?

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78 Responses to “In Defense of Polygamy?”

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Member

Farfromachildbride (message) 1,006 posts, Bumble bee

I can’t figure out why any man would want that much DRAMA! Surely one wife brings a guy enough mood swings alone…

9/27/10 @ 4:50 pm (reply)

Member

Moose1209 (message) 1,992 posts, Buzzing bee

I agree with you that people should be allowed to make their own choices on how to live their lives. As long as no abuse is happening and none of the women are forced into these types of relationships, then what they are doing has no effect on me or any one else.. so why not let them do as they please? But, I disagree with you that it’s silly for polygamy to be illegal. It’s just not possible under our current legal system. I’m a big supporter of gay marriage because again, it has no effect on me so if people are in love and want to get married, they should be able to no matter what their gender or the gender of their partner. But a monogamous gay marriage functions exactly like a heterosexual one, so there is no reason to change the legal system. And polygamist marriage, doesn’t function the same way. If people can just go on legally marrying as many people as they want, there would be far too many people marrying where there is no love or even relationship, just to take advantage of the system (tax breaks, etc).

9/27/10 @ 4:51 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Cardigan (message) 8,645 posts, Bee Keeper

I haven’t seen the show but I have no issue with polygamy and I honestly don’t understand that the big deal is. As long as all parties involved are consenting adults who want to be in the relationship, why stop them? It’s never a life I would choose for myself, but if it makes others happy then I have no problem with it.

9/27/10 @ 4:57 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Sloth (message) 3,184 posts, Sugar bee

There was a conversation on the boards about this last week, so I’ll just copy what I said there:

Regarding polygamy in general, I have to say that I really don’t have a problem with it, as long as all spouses are in love, of age, fully consenting, and well aware of the alternatives. To use the Big Love example, I have no problem with the way that the Henricksons do things. I wouldn’t do it myself, but if everyone is a consenting adult and the children are well cared for, well, it’s none of my business.

To continue with the Big Love example, I have a HUGE problem with the way things are done at the compound. Underage girls are married off to old men, and they’ve been raised to believe that it’s their only choice.

9/27/10 @ 5:00 pm (reply)

Guest

C M.E

I think the problem with your argument is that you argue in favor of an idealized version of polygamy. Sure, in theory, one man and a group of women could all be willing participants - in love, happy, equitable, etc. But arguing in favor of polygamy is kind of like arguing in favor of communism. It sounds like it could be great in theory, but in practice, it just falls apart.

9/27/10 @ 5:08 pm (reply)

Member

KayMeiBee (message) 156 posts, Blushing bee

You make a great point about the relationship that Hugh has with his many girlfriends. How can that be socially acceptable?

9/27/10 @ 5:15 pm (reply)

Guest

cc2260

I think it is interesting that for this discussion, we seem to only be talking about polygamy in relationships were it is one man to multiple wives.

Why did we not assume it the other way around or could be both? We live in a world where woman and men are still not treated fully equally.

We should think critically about when a dominant group in society tries to justify mistreating another group.

With that said, I’m okay with polygamy *if* all were treated equally in that relationship.

However, I’m not quite sure that we live in a world where that can happen yet…

9/27/10 @ 5:16 pm (reply)

Guest

Rebecca

As a believer in Jesus Christ, I believe that Polygamy is COMPLETELY wrong. It is not right. God made marriage for ONE man & ONE woman…NOT one man & 3 women or one man & one man. He did not make us to be gay/lesbian/bi/polygamists. That is a personal choice. A choice that we make based on who is in control of our life. I choose to have God in control of my life. After all, He did create me and my body is not my own and He died for my sins! (I Cor. 6:19-20 “What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit which are God’s.”

It is sad to see that it is even accepted enough in our society to see polygamy blatenly on our TV’s, to see men kissing each other, to see women kissing each other. Just a few years ago that wouldn’t have even been put on TV. Our society is in such a moral decline. We are a God-less society. We need God in our lives. We need to live to honor and glorify Him because He died for our sins and rose again from the grave! Because of Him we are forgiven and can have eternal life in heaven with Him! What an amazing thought–that God loves you REGARDLESS of whether you are gay/lesbian or even a polygamist. God loves you regardless of your sin. And He will forgive you regardless of your sin if you repent and believe in Him! He wants to save YOU from your sin!! He loves you THAT much!! What an amazing thought!!

“For by GRACE are you saved through faith and that NOT OF YOURSELVES it is the gift of God. NOT OF WORKS lest any man should boast”(Eph. 2:8-9). (emphasis mine).

I pray this man comes to Christ.

9/27/10 @ 5:17 pm (reply)

Guest

Christine

What Ms. Sloth said, no problem with polygamy when people are all of age and consenting. Is it for me? No…but neither are lots of perfectly legal things.

9/27/10 @ 5:18 pm (reply)

10.

Guest

Christine

Oh and for the record, I don’t have a problem with one woman with multiple husbands, lovers, whatever either.

9/27/10 @ 5:20 pm (reply)

11.

Bee

Miss Sloth (message) 3,184 posts, Sugar bee

Matthew 7:1 “Do not judge, or you will be judged”

Luke 6:37 “Do not judge, or you will be judged”

Rome 2:1 “…., you who pass judgment on someone else, for at ever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.”

Romans 14:4 “Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand?”

1 Corinthians 4:5 “Therefore, judge nothing before the appointed time: wait till the Lord comes”.

1 Corinthians 5:12 “What business are you to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside”?

9/27/10 @ 5:27 pm (reply)

12.

Member

Moose1209 (message) 1,992 posts, Buzzing bee

Oh Miss Sloth, thank you for your controlled and mature response, so I didn’t have to write a nasty one.

9/27/10 @ 5:29 pm (reply)

13.