- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee Blog
Our RSVP date is here and I wish I could say it went off without a hitch. But out of the 38 households we sent invitations to there had to be some issues, right?
Our prospective guests committed some major invitation faux pas; they made what I’d like to refer to as “invitation sins.” Maybe you can relate?
Out of 38 households, 77 people total invited our count so far is:
If we ever hear back from the laggers, and those that I think will accept do, we’ll come in just slightly under 50 - budget saved, intimacy maintained.
Can I just talk about something I didn’t foresee in our small guest list? In Japan on Valentine’s Day, women give men the chocolates and often times it’s giri chocolates, or “obligation” chocolates—that is, chocolates to maintain a friendly relationship. Females give them to their male co-workers, moms give them to their son’s soccer coach, that kind of thing. In Japan we have many forms of giri which I guess comes from being a country of rather strict customs. In the same way I had to hand out some giri plus ones so people I don’t even know are coming to our “intimate” wedding. 10, to be exact. Am I the only one that is slightly peeved at having strangers?
So, hive, let’s hear about the atrocities your guests have committed. Go on—let it out! More than anything, I love hearing about your experiences!
I was really peeved about strangers for a WHILE. We had 120 at our wedding which to me was intimate enough but still sizeable enough where I didnt notice that the strangers were there. We met them, exchanged friendly words, and moved on. I wasnt going to sacrifice time with friends and family for them! But I will say the strangers did give us some good gifts - cash! Ugh the RSVP thing can be such a hassle…how do people not get it by now!?
When my invites went out, I had family members who refused to attend because their boyfriends they met two weeks ago weren’t invited. How was I supposed to change my arrangement around for someone I never knew existed until you whined? Also, I had a problem with my ILs bringing people we didn’t know to our rehearsal dinner, even though they told us we couldn’t invite all of our friends who were helping with the set-up for the wedding. Ahhhhh people and manners!
You might have opened a can of worms with this one, Miss Glasses!! 
The people who don’t send their cards back but say they can’t come really get my goat. Hello, I spent GOOD MONEY on those RSVP cards, stamps, calligraphy, etc. SEND IT!
The people who don’t send their cards back but EMAIL to say they’re coming. SERIOUSLY!? You have a menu choice, too, chick. Send it.
Oh and then there are the family members that are just too busy with their daughter’s soccer games to come to their cousin’s wedding. I am not talking long lost cousins either. I’m talking one of 9 cousins. All of which come from a tight-knit Catholic family.
WHATEVER! We’re over this now. Mom and I decided we would dwell on the people who are coming, the people who rsvp’ed and the people who want to share in our joy. The rest can just bite it.
I had a “friend” who never sent in her RSVP and never responded to emails sent from my MOH regarding my shower and bachelorette, so I felt justified in assuming she wasn’t coming…THREE days before the wedding, she texted me asking what the dress code for the wedding was! After I asked and she confirmed that she was planning on coming, she then asked me if she could share a hotel room with someone and who she could get a ride with! HELLO, three days before the wedding, this was not something I wanted to deal with!
And the kicker? She didn’t show up to the wedding after all…Needless to say, we’re not friends anymore!
We’re 5 days away from our RSVP deadline and only about 60% have responded. I’m so annoyed. We also had a strict no kids under 21 policy, but HAD to invite a couple of FI’s cousins because their parents would have thrown a huge fit and started WWIII - even though the kids couldn’t come, anyway!! What is with people?!
Just reading your post made me dread sending out invites! I have been helping my friend with her invites and she actually had someone respond saying she was bringing a +1 when she wasn’t given a +1 on the invite! UGG i can’t believe people have the nerve to act like that!
Ahhh this is the thing that annoys me the most about the guest list. My wedding is still months away but I can already see this being a problem b/c my family is really big and definitely of the “more the merrier” mentality. Which I usually am too, but not for my wedding where I actually want to know people that are there witnessing our special day! I hope you are able to stay at the 50 you desire!
We had 150 invites sent out (270 guests) and I only had one issue. My grandma didn’t check whether or not she was attending. She’s 80, I’ll give her a pass.
We had 10 people who were past the deadline, but 8 of those sent me an email saying ’sorry, it’s in the mail, we’ll be there’.
I guess we were lucky.
We’re one month out and we still have 6 people pending RSVPs. My FI is more annoyed than I am about it. He keeps saying “We gave them a STAMPED ENVELOPE! Why is this so hard??”
On a related note, my FMIL keeps naming other women in the family who need mother’s corsages because they “helped raise” my FI. We’re up to three corsages so far!
We divided our invites between my guests and my fiance’s. I had only one person who didn’t send hers back, but she’s going through issues and I understand. He had about 12 people or so who didn’t RSVP. He got 2 back after the deadline though.
My major pet peeve is one of his coworkers who RSVPd for her husband and two kids. They will all be strangers to me. And yes, I wanted to keep the strangers to a minimum. And to RSVP to a wedding and bring THREE people with you? (He’s inviting everybody from his office.) And my fiance only invited her so she wouldn’t feel left out, it’s not like they’re close friends at all. It just makes me sad and frustrated. And I’m having a seating chart and she didn’t bother to write in anybody’s name, so they’ll be listed as the “Blank” family on the seating chart.
His grandparents also declined. No explantion, no phone call, just checked the decline box and sent it after the ‘respond by’ date. She’s local and in good health. She goes to dance recitals and birthday parties for his niece, but I guess the wedding wasn’t worth her effort.
I like how no one actually asked ME if they could bring a plus-one, they went straight to my parents. They assumed my parents were paying for it and therefore making the decisions. Of course my parents then came straight to ME and asked and I was the one who ultimately decided, but it still ticked me off these people tried to go around me.
I’m just starting to get some on my RSVPs back and for the most part everything has been going good. We deciced to let guests RSVP online instead of having a response card. Its easier to track the guests this way. We have had a few people try to include a guest even though there was no and guest on the envelope. Hopefully more people will RSVP soon and not try to add an extra person who we don’t have room for.
Unless your recently post-college …. or have a large group of single friends who all know each other … or are planning a really small wedding (think, 50 or less), I think its rude to invite an adult without a guest.
would you want to be at someone’s wedding and not know anyone? would you want to be the one without a dance partner? don’t you want your guests to have a good time at your wedding?
i’m getting stressed just reading these comments and we don’t even have our save the dates done yet. ahhhhh
Our wedding is next weekend and for the most part our RSVPs went pretty well, we had some late folks, including my aunt. When we called she said “OF COURSE we’re coming! Why wouldn’t we?!” Uhh then why not send back the RSVP card?!
My favorite is a friend of mine who we gave a plus one option to, before asking me if it’s okay, decided to bring her best friend cousin, and got her flight arranged and everything. I know her cousin so that’s good at least, but we didn’t give her the plus one option so she could bring her best friend! Geez. People just don’t get it.
So we had alot of RSVP issues. We did our RSVP online. Here are our stats: Inivtes sent out:77 people RSVPs recieved at the deadline: 17. Eventual total guest count:44. Invites sent out for rehersal dinner:22 Rehersal dinner RSVPs revieved: 4. And of our group being tech savvy is common. Only one couple who might have struggled. Folks are just lazy.
We had a few friends who asked if they could bring a +1, so hubby and I discussed and decided that if they were properly “together”, not just dating, and were maybe even calling each other “partner”, then they could bring them. So there were about 4 extra people, all of whom I was glad to meet. But we had to say no to a few friends who wanted to bring their most recent date. One guy even lied and said that this girl he wanted to bring was “the one” (after 2 weeks of dating), basically because she really wanted to go to a wedding. We still said no, and they broke up soon after anyway.
So I say, you don;t need hard and fast rules about +1s. You can say yes if it feels right, and no if it feels wrong.
We are having the same exact problems! Out of 60 invites, there are about 15 RSVPs we never received. We are past out “kindly respond by” date. And I’ve started receiving emails of people telling me they can’t make it. I think sometimes people don’t want to send the RSVP back with a “no” on it.
And so far we’ve had about 5 guests ask if they can bring a date. I personally think it’s really rude to ask to bring someone to someone’s wedding. There was a reason I didn’t put a +1 on your invite. Trying to keep it intimate here! I think it’s weird to have a bunch of people at your wedding that you don’t even know!
After our RSVP date passed, I waited two weeks and then I emailed my brains out. Told my FMIL and Fiance to get their people’s answers. My mother was amazing at this part of the planning, she’s nuts. She called everyone and got the answers I needed! Haha
RSVP’ing and then not showing up!! I had a 4 couples no-show that were seated at the same table, which left 2 people at a table by themselves! My wedding was over a year ago, and I’m still holding a grudge!
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Mrs. Glasses, Tokyo/Los Angeles, CA Age and Occupation: 24, English teacher Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, English teacher Engagement Date: September 2008 Wedding Date: October 2010 Venue: Parents' backyard About Me: I’m an expat living in Tokyo. I’ve been in Japan for almost three years now, where I met my fantastic English fiance. It’s time to leave Japan, so we are planning a fun, intimate, backyard ceremony back home in the suburbs of L.A. in October. Our wedding will be a mix of my love for food, beer, my Japanese culture, and Mr. G’s Englishness. We are on a tiny budget and DIYing almost everything!
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 29 | 30 | 31 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |
| 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 |
| 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 |
| 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 |
| 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 |
Latest Gallery Pics