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My parents planned a beautiful wedding…
That they cancelled three weeks beforehand.
Much of my blasé attitude toward the importance of a wedding (as opposed to the importance of a marriage) comes from my parents. For that I will forever be grateful. Every bump, hitch, fight, happiness, win, and loss that they experienced, my brothers and I experienced as well. Sure there were evenings that I sat on top of the staircase worrying that this would be the fight to end the marriage, but it didn’t; instead, it further solidified the importance of working through each other’s differences. Fighting is a skill that we should be learning at an early age (not like Chemistry—I’ve never used THAT crap). The reason I was able to stay with Zeb throughout college, when temptation was everywhere, was that I was willing to fight and sacrifice for our future together. I knew he was worth it. Sacrifice is a close relative to fighting when it comes to making a marriage work. So my recipe for a successful marriage, as demonstrated by my parents: fight, compromise, sacrifice, and love each other like crazy.
Mom and Dad realized six months after the cancelled wedding that there was no one else either of them could be happy with. They had a wedding in my grandparents’ backyard, where their guests guessed how long the marriage would last. So you see, it doesn’t matter what kind of wedding a marriage had. What matters is the devotion a husband and wife have to their recipe and to each other.
Happy 33rd anniversary, Mom and Dad! Thank you for your stellar example.
What is your recipe for a successful marriage?
Thank you for this honest post! Everything on weddingbee is usually butterflies and rainbows and that’s not always what a marriage is. But you are right that fighting is important in a marriage because you have to learn how to do it properly! That is amazing about your parents - good for them!
mama and papa zebra sound awesome and inspiring for all lovers in the world. after enduring ten {yes 10!} years, me & mr. ostrich have realized that love, and marriage, means running to - no from - each other when the going gets tough. it means to keep each other laughing after a bad day. and it means saying - and showing - how you feel, because those little words make a big difference. and it sounds like you and mr. zeb are already on your way to an amazing future. 
Very sweet story! Sounds like you got a great (and realistic) example to follow in your marriage =)
Really sweet post. I also feel lucky to have great examples of marriage in my parents and future in-laws. And I am loving the bold fashion choices in their wedding pictures
I love this post. So true. We need to learn to fight, not learn chemistry! Such a good point. I love your mom’s bridesmaid dresses, how cute they were the same color and that’s something we see a lot of today
This post leaves a funny taste in my mouth. You seem very happy with your parents’ example, and yet… sitting at the top of the stairs, wondering if this would be the fight to end the marriage? As a child, you really should not have had to experience that. Arguing and compromising is great, yes, but in my opinion, it should (almost) always be conducted with the attitude, “We will get through this. I will never abandon you because of one single fight. I love you too much.”
Additionally, if that really is true, and you have kids, they should ALWAYS be aware of it. They should know that mommy and daddy love each other, and things will be okay. Otherwise it’s not “learning how to compromise” but “learning that your family could fall apart at any moment.”
Maybe it’s just your wording that rubbed me the wrong way - your phrases could describe my childhood exactly (and yes, my parents are still married, twenty-six years later), but we have EXTREMELY different feelings about the whole thing.
Wow your mom was already way cool and trendy then with the different colored bridesmaid dresses. ;]
My parents had a last minute wedding as well and have lasted 27 years.
Mom’s going to get a kick out of ya’ll thinking she is trendy! My Gramma Rosie made those dresses. I think they are pretty awesome too and I’m kind of mad that they are lost and gone forever.
@Amarie: I think you might have gotten too focused on the wording. Everyone’s experiences are different. I’m an inherent worrier as was my grandmother, mother, aunts, etc. That’s why I asked the question about individual couples’ recipe. Our recipe is what works for us and you may have a different view. If I had felt as though my parents were going to abandon me when I was little, though I never have felt that way, I’m not sure there would be much to do about it now.
What a great story! And you’re so right, learning how to fight together is so key to a healthy relationship. @Amarie: expecting that your children will never see or hear you fight is unrealistic. Thus, learning how to fight the right way is so important!
There’s a big difference between expecting them to never see or here you fight, and expecting them to always know that you’ll still love each other after the fight.
I don’t think it’s unrealistic to think that your children would never hear you fight. I’ve never heard my parents raise their voices to eachother and they’ve been married 25 years, I plan on following their example
your mom was so ahead of the trend with the mismatched bridesmaids!
@fromcharleston: She refers to it as “rainbow,” I call it awesome.
Wise words from a smart lady! We get so wrapped up in the details when there’s a much bigger picture we all need to be looking at. Love the vintage pictures!
Very true post, Z. (Chemistry shemistry!) And I love the “rainbow” dresses-your mom’s bridesmaids were hot!
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Mrs. Zebra, Providence, RI Age and Occupation: 24 Marketing/Costume Designer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26 Management/Firefighter Engagement Date: December 12, 2008 Wedding Date: March 2011 Venue: The Providence Biltmore About Me: I'm a small town New England girl with an affinity for procrastination, crossing the proverbial line, and putting her foot in her mouth. I'm a lover of history, all seasons, sewing and Incubus. I design costumes on the side for my old high school's theatre department, which is where I met my sexy man. Our motto for our Big Fat Lebanese/Portuguese/Irish near-300 person wedding is "the more the merrier"! We are marrying in a Catholic ceremony and are hammering out the details of our Victorian-inspired reception.
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