People Are Weird About Weddings

People Are Weird About Weddings

October 6th, 2010 @ 9:44 am by Mrs. Octopus
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Hi everybody! We’re back from our honeymoon and I’m ready to start blogging again! Our lightning-fast photographer already has ALL of our photos finished and up in the online gallery, and as soon as I get our disc, I can’t wait to start writing the Octo-recaps. In the meantime, I have a bunch of posts on deck that I just never had the time to write before the wedding. I’d like to kick off this particular post with a quote…

“I thought everyone I knew was normal and socially appropriate. And then I planned a wedding.”–Bridesmaid Erica

Over the course of my engagement, I developed a little theory, one which was validated over and over and over, both in my experiences and those of other people. Here it is: some people, even ones who are normal and polite and sociable and predictable 99% of the time, say or do really weird stuff when it comes to weddings. A lot of my friends have gotten married in the past two years, and in an informal poll, I discovered that every single bride had at least one story about someone doing something really, really weird, awkward, or inappropriate regarding the wedding. Sometimes the weird wedding behavior is hilarious, sometimes it is decisively NOT hilarious, spanning all the way up to incredibly hurtful, surprising, and sometimes friendship-ending.

I definitely have a few People Are Weird About Weddings stories of my own, but given the not-very-anonymous nature of this blog, I don’t really feel like I can give you all the dirty details. Suffice to say, we had a few guests to whom an RSVP was apparently a very loose and fluid thing, subject to change up until a matter of hours before the wedding began. You know, not like your meal had to be paid for or a seat found for you or anything. Ahem. Anyway.

However, I also have an anonymous PAWAW story to share from a friend (of the hilariously awkward variety). After her wedding ceremony, a friend of the bride’s father approached the family. “Hey!” he said. “I just wanted to let you know, my wife has some errands to run and won’t be able to make the dinner portion of the reception, so I’m bringing a work buddy of mine instead.” True to his word, the man showed up at the reception with his uninvited buddy-date, who was a total stranger to the bride and her whole family. The buddy-date sat in the man’s wife’s seat and ate her dinner. About an hour later, the man’s wife arrived, and the buddy-date moved over to a seat that was vacant due to a no-show guest (a whole other, very common variety of People Are Weird About Weddings). The buddy-date then stuck around and proceeded to spend the rest of the evening having cake and enjoying the open bar.

I mean, WTF? Who DOES that? From the wife’s perspective, who peaces out of a wedding for an hour to run errands? From the husband’s, who thinks it’s appropriate to bring a stand-in stunt date who then doesn’t leave when your actual invited date shows up? From the buddy-date’s, who ON EARTH would think it’s okay to attend a wedding under those circumstances?? So many WTFs it boggles the mind!

I have heard so many others (the bridesmaid who got belligerently drunk, ripped her bouquet to shreds, and screamed at the bride’s mother!), and now I want to hear yours. What’s your best People Are Weird About Weddings story (or, do you disagree with my theory)?

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73 Responses to “People Are Weird About Weddings”

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Member

MsBunting (message) 229 posts, Helper bee

Having not actually had my wedding yet (24 days!), my story is of the average annoying variety….FAMILY members adding people to the response card. Dude, your names were written on there for a reason. Of the hurtful variety, at my bf’s wedding-her uncle refused to come because her aunt would be there-her uncle is her godfather, mind you-and instead threw the happy couple a party a month after the wedding….and only invited family members that were not invited to the original wedding. Also at this wedding, a guest took flowers out of the centerpiece to put in her hair.

10/6/10 @ 9:54 am (reply)

Member

tatsmom (message) 91 posts, Worker bee

my daughter’s wedding is this Saturday, last week I got a call from a semi-friend / business acquaintance, who is unable to attend the wedding because his nephew is getting married the same night. He had the nerve to ask me for a “favor”, could I invite his friend (a Realtor) to the wedding so that he could “network” with a few of our friends who are attending that are physicians. I also happen to be a Realtor myself, with another company.

10/6/10 @ 9:56 am (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Sand Dollar (message) 1,305 posts, Bumble bee

I’m with you on the whole RSVP thing. Modern events suck. It’s just not important anymore to give a prompt reply on your attendance, or stick with it. On our wedding day, we still had 30 RSVP’s unaccounted for. When we called other people (who accounted fro 40 unsent RSVP’s) they acted put-upon that we would want to know if they were coming or not! And, some even asked if they could tell me the day before! Um, no thank you, rude-ass! I actually told them I was counting them as a no. I don’t care if Miss Manners would kick my ass, that behavior is just unacceptable. A huge portion of guests who said they were coming just didn’t show, and never sent word about it. I hate it! I hate you, modern event planning!

10/6/10 @ 9:59 am (reply)

Member

mightywombat (message) 3,311 posts, Sugar bee

@tatsmom:
Um. Wow. That is so far beyond the pale that it’s approaching tan.

10/6/10 @ 10:01 am (reply)

Bee

Miss Jaguar (message) 4,656 posts, Honey bee

Yikes… I’m kind of scared to see who thinks just being uber casual about the RSVP’s is okay. I don’t think so.

10/6/10 @ 10:02 am (reply)

Member

10.10.10 (message) 118 posts, Blushing bee

My wedding is in 4 days and we received another RSVP in the mail yesterday. Seriously?!?
I will admit, one time I RSVPed for a friend’s wedding about 8 hours from my home. I ended up having to work that weekend (a co-worker had a sick child) and couldn’t attend the wedding. I called my friend to let him know, but I still feel awful about it.

My wedding planning has taught me a lot about the people in my life. Quite honestly, it’s time to do some spring cleaning in the people department.

10/6/10 @ 10:03 am (reply)

Member

jillocb (message) 197 posts, Blushing bee

Oh I feel for you.

I offered for two couples who are coming to our wedding (that is 2.5hrs away from our hometown) a room for $50 per couple for one night. They were up for it! Then they got together one night and decided neither of them were going to stay. So, then one of them emailed me and said, we’ll be there unless Tyler gets sick or something happens with the sitter.

Seriously!? WE PAID $110PLUS for your meal and you MIGHT not come??! Oh giiiiirl…..wedding is next weekend. We’ll see.

10/6/10 @ 10:04 am (reply)

Guest

Nortena

The way I look at it, a lot of these people don’t realize they’re being incredibly rude. They see weddings as just another party and treat their attendance and manners as such. It is frustrating for those of us who know all the work that goes into planning a wedding! We had family members RSVPing with extra people written in who weren’t invited, people who had RSVPed “yes” telling us they couldn’t attend the WEEK of the wedding, etc.

It’s rude and people are stupid. But don’t look at it as they are insulting you personally - they typically just aren’t aware that they’re doing anything wrong.

10/6/10 @ 10:06 am (reply)

Member

LisaBee (message) 358 posts, Helper bee

my thing is about gifts. FH and I ALWAYS buy couples a gift 1-3 weeks before the wedding, at what we felt was an appropriate price point. Based on the gifts we have received thus far (our wedding in Sunday) we are overly generous. Even with our CLOSEST friends who are very gainfully employed. This isn’t a deal-breaker, but it is eye-opening to see what others feel is appropriate.

10/6/10 @ 10:09 am (reply)

10.

Member

moderndaisy (message) 6,607 posts, Bee Keeper

We sent a wedding invitation to DH’s childhood friend who he doesn’t keep in touch with, my MIL insisted since she still talks to his parents or something. We invited him without a plus one since we didn’t have space and knew he wouldn’t come, he lives a plane ride away and doesn’t have a job so def couldn’t afford the trip anyway. Well no surprise, he doesn’t respond to the invitation OR any of our follow up attemps, so we forget about it. The DAY Before the wedding, he tells my MIL, NOT US that he is actually on his way (driving) to attend BOTH the rehearsal dinner and wedding!!! WTF, we had a wedding party and parents only dinner on purpose due to space and costs and he just invites himself? And to top it off, he brought A FRIEND WE NEVER MET BEFORE TO BOTH EVENTS!!!

Thank the lord for my wonderful MIL who graciously made room for him at the RD and found him a place to sleep (I still don’t know where he spent the night, probably her room). At that point, I just laughed it off b/c it was honestly so hilariously rude, it was actually funny. Le sigh..

10/6/10 @ 10:12 am (reply)

11.

Member

Chillmer (message) 1,008 posts, Bumble bee

Both my aunt and my husband’s aunt wrote in the boyfriends of their teenage daughters as guests. I’m sorry, but your entire family is going to be there, do you really need to bring a boyfriend you’re probably not going to be dating in a few months?

We also had a crasher grab someone else’s name card and sit down. Not only that, he took a chair, place setting, cups, plates, silverware, etc. and brought it over to another (full) table! So we had an extra person jammed in at one table, and another table with a missing place setting and a friend with nowhere to sit.

I think a lot of people are rude/clueless in general, not just at weddings.

10/6/10 @ 10:14 am (reply)

12.

Member

PitBulLover (message) 8,314 posts, Bee Keeper

Now that I have had my wedding I will always keep things in mind when attending someone elses wedding. Specifically about RSVPing on time, sending a gift even if I dont come, giving a heartfelt card, being polite, offering my help in any way and even dressing appropriately. There are so many ways people are weird about weddings and by weird I mean rude and inconsiderate! I think all of us brides have had at least one person throughout the process that makes us scratch our heads and say “WTF?”

10/6/10 @ 10:14 am (reply)

13.

Member

moderndaisy (message) 6,607 posts, Bee Keeper

OH and I”m sure you’re all shocked to hear he still hasn’t given us a present. I’ll hold my breath!

10/6/10 @ 10:14 am (reply)

14.

Member

Magdalena (message) 635 posts, Busy bee

@LisaBee: oooo, be careful this is a touchy subject on the bee! According to traditional etiquette, you should try to squelch any meh feelings and just be grateful to receive gifts of any type!

10/6/10 @ 10:15 am (reply)

15.

Member

crayfish (message) 4,844 posts, Honey bee

One of our guests purposefully did not stay at the hotel we had rooms at two blocks from our venue, and chose a hotel 45 miles away instead. He then called us an hour and a half before the wedding wondering where his shuttle was to the wedding. Dude, there isn’t a shuttle. We blocked off rooms that are so close to the venue you can SEE IT. We told you this on the website, the address of which we sent you 3 times. They ended up getting a cab. They had to wait over an hour for one to show up after our wedding was over because they planned so poorly (who doesn’t rent a car in southern California. Seriously?)

10/6/10 @ 10:16 am (reply)

16.

Member

tinylittlebird (message) 1,695 posts, Bumble bee

My PAWAW stories are pretty slim currently because I haven’t gotten truly into the throws of planning just yet, but most of them stem from forgotten etiquette.

1. FI’s father, knowing that my parents are not contributing to the wedding, asked me something to the effect of “Where does all their money go?” not realizing that my parents are close to losing their house. It was very rude, and while I haven’t said anything, I was pretty upset about it.

2. I was told that I need to find something for FI’s cousins to do during the wedding or some of his Aunts will be offended. Um. No. I have 4 siblings (only 1 is in the wedding) and I have 7 nieces and nephews and 2 step-nieces. Sorry, but siblings and children of siblings outweigh cousins. I don’t care how close said cousins are.

Additionally, FI’s parent’s are divorced, so giving cousin’s on FFIL’s side positions will upset FMIL, and vice versa. Best to avoid drama.

3. On the drama note: FMIL is upset because Sister and Sister-in-Law of FFIL offered to throw me a bridal shower.

So…. clearly, most of my PAWAW stuff so far is all in-law stuff. Don’t get me wrong- I love my in-laws. They’re really nice and normal people when it has nothing to do with the wedding. But when we’re talking about weddings, everyone has an opinion of what it should look like, what our colors should be, etc.

Suffice to say, I have gotten very good at ignoring “advice”

10/6/10 @ 10:22 am (reply)

17.

Member

gill84 (message) 725 posts, Busy bee

A friend who invited a random date to my wedding (even though there were no +1s), after I told her she couldn’t, informed she had fixed the problem by telling him he could crash the dance portion of the evening.

When I informed her that he wouldn’t be welcome then either, she said “but that’s so awkward for me to have to tell him he can’t come AGAIN”

My response? “Not my problem.”

Luckily she respected my wishes in the end.

10/6/10 @ 10:22 am (reply)

18.

Member

msmarathon (message) 163 posts, Blushing bee

I have a coworker who asked in front of everyone, “are we all invited to the wedding?” I answered bluntly, “No, we’re having a small wedding.” Then he crazily pretended we’d never had that convo and a month later did the SAME THING! “I heard a nasty rumor we’re not invited to the wedding…I know you’re a caring person, so..” What the heck does me being a caring person have to do with it? I just told him again that we’re having a wedding with less than 100 people. Is that not so weird and awkward??

10/6/10 @ 10:23 am (reply)

19.

Bee

Mrs. Pug (message) 3,753 posts, Honey bee

this is all very upsetting. for some people i figure it’s because they haven’t planned a wedding (although that’s still an insufficient excuse), but it’s all so very weird.

10/6/10 @ 10:23 am (reply)

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