The Plus-One Issue

The Plus-One Issue

October 12th, 2010 @ 2:47 pm by Ms. Sloth
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Since Mr. S and I are trying our best to keep the guest list small and manageable, we’ve had to address the plus-one issue. Specifically, who gets to bring a guest and who doesn’t?

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Here is what we’ve come up with:

Married? Of course you can bring your spouse!
Engaged? Living together? Long-term relationship? Your partner is invited.
Single? Been dating someone for a week and a half? Sorry. You’re coming solo, my friends.

Of course there will be some exceptions. I have a few single girlfriends who won’t know anyone else at the wedding. We’ll let those single friends bring dates so that they don’t get lonely. But basically, that’s it.

See, our plus-one decision is pretty cut and dried. But I’m nervous that people will try to bring guests regardless. So here’s what we plan on doing to nip that nonsense in the bud.

On our response cards (or, rather, insert cards, since we want everyone to RSVP online), we’ll have some variation of this wording:

We have reserved _____ seat(s) in your honor. [We’ll fill in the number of guests invited.]

Name(s) of Attending: _________________________________________

___ Accept(s) with pleasure

___ Decline(s) with regret

I’m hoping that this will do it. I hear horror stories of people writing in extra guests on RSVP cards, but I like to think that our friends and family wouldn’t consider doing that.

How are you handling the plus-one issue?

Tags: etiquette, philadelphia |

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48 Responses to “The Plus-One Issue”

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Member

Masala (message) 476 posts, Helper bee

That’s exactly what we’re planning on doing. I REALLY hope it works!

10/12/10 @ 3:02 pm (reply)

Member

Future Mrs. Archibald (message) 19 posts, Newbee

We are going by the same rule! I feel a little weird because I’m not gonna lie, I have totally been the annoyed single girl who didn’t get a plus one in the past, but now that I’m planning this shindig, it seems crazy! FI and I have a TON of single friends (comes from living in NYC, I think) - and most of them know each other, so it really doesn’t make sense to add another 30 people to our guest list just so they can bring randoms, when most of their friends are already invited. Hopefully nobody will complain too much or be offended…definitely one of my major stress buttons though - yikes!

10/12/10 @ 3:03 pm (reply)

Member

cheert16 (message) 184 posts, Blushing bee

That is EXACTLY what I did for my RSVP’s. It worked out very well. ALthough there were a few people who called and asked if their, boyfriend, child, stranger, etc. could come with them. I think you just need to be firm in your decision!

Good luck! And dont forget to number the back of your RSVP’s for those smart people who forget to write their names in the blank!

10/12/10 @ 3:04 pm (reply)

Member

Soon2beeMrsM (message) 1,681 posts, Bumble bee

I actually put similar wording on our invites:
___ of ____ will attend (the 2nd blank filled in by me) I didn’t have ANYONE write in another number or try to get an extra guest. Our wedding is Saturday so I’ll let you know how it turns out!

10/12/10 @ 3:05 pm (reply)

Member

MAGnifiqueMedia (message) 17 posts, Newbee

We handled it the same way that you are, and everyone was totally fine with it. No mishaps to be had!

10/12/10 @ 3:06 pm (reply)

Member

mishelleez (message) 3,319 posts, Sugar bee

We did the same thing! But I used the bells RSVP wording!

10/12/10 @ 3:07 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Glasses (message) 2,741 posts, Sugar bee

Those were our rules too. One of my friends moved in with her boyfriend of 3 months recently but they weren’t even official when we sent out invites and we just don’t have room now- our final guest count is in to the caterer and rental company. I feel bad, but its not like she’ll be alone- all of her friends are my friends too. There are definitely grey areas but these are good rules for keeping the guest count low!

10/12/10 @ 3:10 pm (reply)

Member

Lo (message) 538 posts, Busy bee

We are following the same rules, I have a few friends who are single but won’t know anyone else so I allowed them a plus one.

10/12/10 @ 3:11 pm (reply)

Member

Bride_Colleen (message) 627 posts, Busy bee

Be prepared for RSVP stress. We had my 15 year old cousin ask if she could bring a date; didn’t even know she was dating. We had coworkers ask if they could bring their babies even though we’ve never seen them before. Most of those stated “two seats have been reserved in your honour”

10/12/10 @ 3:11 pm (reply)

10.

Member

des_salazar (message) 280 posts, Helper bee

We did almost the same thing as you on the response cards and filled in the number. They just scratch that number out and write their own number in. I have a friend who decided to write in a guy who she has been dating for two weeks to my destination wedding that I am trying to keep under 35 people. Seriously!

10/12/10 @ 3:13 pm (reply)

11.

Bee

Mrs. Trail Mix (message) 6,328 posts, Bee Keeper

I used the traditional wording with just a line to write your name and sure enough, we had several people invite someone as their guest even though the invitation didn’t give them a plus one…Looking back tho, it wasn’t a big deal now…

10/12/10 @ 3:14 pm (reply)

12.

Member

Masala (message) 476 posts, Helper bee

I don’t know if this is kosher on WB (feel free to scold and chastise me if it is), but I read an article today on OBB about this very same issue: http://offbeatbride.com/2010/07/wedding-invite-no-plus-1

10/12/10 @ 3:14 pm (reply)

13.

Bee

Mrs. Starfish (message) 1,924 posts, Buzzing bee

We had the same rules. I used traditional wording and I was happy that everyone understood. I think word of mouth helped as well. It was a tough decision, but with a large chunk of our guestlist being singles, it worked out great.

10/12/10 @ 3:16 pm (reply)

14.

Bee

Miss Knitting (message) 1,072 posts, Bumble bee

We’re handling it the same way as you!

10/12/10 @ 3:17 pm (reply)

15.

Bee

Mrs. Frozen Yogurt (message) 2,685 posts, Sugar bee

Thankfully, most of our guests recognized when guests were invited and when they weren’t….for the most part. We did have a couple unexpected plus ones, but it all worked out, so I just let it go.

10/12/10 @ 3:29 pm (reply)

16.

Bee

Mrs. French Fries (message) 2,218 posts, Buzzing bee

We thought exactly the same way you did — and used your wording, too! It worked great. No extra write ins.

10/12/10 @ 3:36 pm (reply)

17.

Guest

Rock Hugger

I like the way you are handling it - I think we will too, but I am concerned for these situations: (for example) my cousin, who won’t get a “plus 1″ (since she will know my family, her family, plus a handful of other cousins), will be kinda like “WTF?!” when our “outlier” friends (who won’t know anyone else) will get a “plus 1″.

10/12/10 @ 3:51 pm (reply)

18.

Member

crayfish (message) 4,844 posts, Honey bee

We did the same thing with our RSVP cards. We only had two people blatantly ignore it. And those are the same people who didn’t stay at our hotel block 500 feet from our venue, and instead chose a hotel 35 miles away and emailed us two days before the wedding to see if there would be a shuttle for them to and from the wedding.

I think some people just can’t be helped!

10/12/10 @ 3:52 pm (reply)

19.

Bee

Mrs. Locket (message) 2,837 posts, Sugar bee

We pretty much did the same thing and it worked out well..they thing that did suck is finding out the day of that we had a few yes’s that never showed up or even bothered to let us know. I wish people knew that we paid for food they didn’t eat! Anyway it was all fine..we didn’t have any unexpected people.

10/12/10 @ 3:54 pm (reply)

20.

Member

dddd89 (message) 491 posts, Helper bee

My FIL’s are being so dumb about letting FI’s brother who will be just turning 21 when we get married to bring a plus one and he doesn’t have a girlfriend. I would think that the brother of the groom who is in the wedding wouldn’t care to bring a date but his parents are adamant he bring a date! Grr!

10/12/10 @ 3:54 pm (reply)

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