Weddingbee Blog

While you’re planning a wedding, people ask you a lot of questions. “What are your colors?” “What does your dress look like?” “Where are you going to go on your honeymoon?” “Where are you registered?”

One question that has popped up time and time again for me, that a lot of brides probably don’t get, is “Who is going to give you away?”

It’s a valid question, all things considered. Most of my friends and all of my family know that my father passed away when I was 18, so there is no obvious answer. Actually, there was no answer, period. I didn’t know.

After thinking about it, I came up with a few options.

1. Have another male relative walk me down the aisle. Not a bad idea, but I’m not super close to any of my uncles. I mean, I love them, but having one of them give me away would seem like an empty gesture, a half-assed substitution for a father figure. And while I love my half-brother and stepbrother, it doesn’t feel right to have one of them walk me down the aisle either.

2. Have my mom give me away. I like this idea much better than the first one. My mother raised me and my sister alone and did a damned good job of it. But I’m still not crazy about this idea. I mean, I’m 35 years old, and I’ve been living away from my mother for fifteen years. I don’t want my mother to give me away because I’m not hers to give. I plan on finding a special role for my mom in our wedding, but this isn’t it.

3. Walk down the aisle alone. At first, this seemed like the ideal solution. Nobody’s feelings would be hurt, and I wouldn’t feel like I made any compromises. I’d walk down the aisle as the independent woman that I’ve always been. The only issue that I’d have with this is that I absolutely hate being the center of attention, and the idea of having all eyes on me during the trek down the aisle makes me feel kind of anxious.

4. Walk down the aisle with Mr. S. When I came up with this idea, it automatically felt just right. What could be more perfect than entering the ceremony space and walking down the aisle hand in hand with my groom?I love the whole “togetherness” vibe that it will present…

When I brought that option up to Mr. S, I wasn’t sure what to expect. Sometimes, out of the blue, he’s scarily traditional about weddings—not because he’s a traditional person, but because he’s kind of clueless about weddings and doesn’t realize that there are options beyond the norm.

Anyway, here’s how the conversation went:

Me: “So instead of me walking down the aisle alone or having my mom walk me down, how about if you and I do it together?”

Mr. S: “OK.”

Me: “You’re sure?”

Mr. S: “Yeah, isn’t that how it’s usually done?”

Me: “Um, no. Traditionally, the bride’s father walks her down the aisle, but that’s not happening. But I could walk in by myself.”

Mr. S: “So when does the groom walk in?”

Me: “The groom traditionally stands up front with the groomsmen and the officiant.”

Mr. S: “I don’t want to do that. Everyone will be looking at me.”

Me: “So you’re OK with entering together.”

Mr. S: “Sure.”

And that’s that. A simple decision that both he and I feel really good about.

Who is going to accompany you down the aisle?