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Mrs. Giraffe, Chicago Age and Occupation: 23, Graphic Designer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Music Student Teacher Engagement Date: October 23, 2008 Wedding Date: May 2011 Venue: Trinity Lutheran Church & Idlewild Country Club About Me: Coming from the suburbs of the Windy City, you'll often find me with my foot in my mouth while laughing for no reason or telling bad knock knock jokes. I've been crafty for as long as I can remember, and will DIY something twice over before I have someone do it for me. I'm a semi-awkward, typeface obsessed, design junkie and have been know to break out my dance moves for no reason as well as try my best to be ridiculous at all times. My love of pop culture, wordplay, and graph paper almost rivals my love of Mr. Giraffe (who is just the bee's knees). After a 2.5 year engagement, we're planning a modern-in-disguise traditional wedding, and cannot wait!
About Mrs. Giraffe

How to Involve Your Groom

October 15th, 2010 @ 3:02 pm by Mrs. Giraffe

So, as much as I love Mr. Giraffe (which I do!), we’re very different people. I think one of the biggest differences between us is that I’m definitely a detail person and Mr. G is a big-picture guy. Every time (almost) that we’ve talked about the wedding he just says, “Whatever you want, Miss Giraffe” or “We can do that, Miss Giraffe” or, more likely, “I’ve told you a hundred times, the wedding and stuff isn’t what matters to me; I’m just happy about the afterwards, about being married to you.”

How to Involve Your Groom :  wedding chicago resources Giraffe giraffe

(source)


OK, OK, so, yeah, I’m aware that it sounds sweet, but when I really need an opinion and legitimately want Mr. G to care whether or not I consider using rounded corners on our invitations, it can be a little frustrating. He just doesn’t visualize things well, and being the big-picture guy he is, he’s already not worried about small details (i.e., rounded corners). I figured his big picture was that we’re getting married, we’re having a wedding and a reception, and that’s it. I found myself getting frustrated and annoyed that I felt like I couldn’t get him more interested in the wedding planning. He said, “It’s not that I’m not interested—I just see the big picture.” Well, big picture or not, G, this wedding isn’t going to happen unless we get off our butts, make decisions, and plan it.

I’d been struggling with how to get Mr. Giraffe involved and more excited. I mean, he is excited, yes, but at the time when I was so frustrated, the day was still over 300 days away. How could he be excited then? Well, when we were garage sale-ing a couple of weeks after that, I found the Knot’s Guide for the Groom. It was listed as $.50, but since I got that and another wedding book (also $.50), they gave them to me for $.25 each! Score!

Anyway, when Mr. Giraffe was on the bus on the way up to visit me shortly after that weekend, he read the book! I was actually surprised he read it. I mean, sure, I made him promise me that he would, but I didn’t really know if he would. I thought it’d be like pulling teeth to have him sit down to do it. As he spends all day and night working, I couldn’t picture him sitting down to read after a 14-hour day…so good thing he had a bus ride with nothing to do!

The weekend we were together after that, Mr. G was all about the wedding. I mean, we talked about it/planned it constantly, but he had some seriously thought-out input that time and read me passages out of the book about our planning timeline and getting our guest list completed. I was shocked! Well…shocked and totally excited, of course! For the first time, Mr. Giraffe was getting into the details without me having to push him and ask him tons of questions. He started putting thought into everything, and I got really excited because, after all, this wedding is about both of us, not just me (no matter how much I love being the center of attention).

Mr. Giraffe said that the book was actually funny and he was surprised at how well written it was. I’m sure other grooms might enjoy its wedding-to-sports metaphors, too. I’m not going to lie—I saw the same book at Borders, where it is $14. You might not be able to get it for $.25, but I recommend it for your groom. It’s an easy way to get him excited and hopefully get him into planning as well.

How did you get your groom involved?

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14 Responses to “How to Involve Your Groom”

1.
SuperShopper
Member
SuperShopper (message)  866 posts, Busy bee

My mom bought the same book for my FI! He did sit down and read some of it when our engagement was fresh - but I should dig it out again (6 months later) and see if jumps back into it!! :)

 
2.
kelsgurl
Member
kelsgurl (message)  279 posts, Helper bee

check out http://www.theplunge.com - it’s a hilarious but accurate wedding planning website geared towards guys.

 
3.
Mrs. Locket
Bee
Mrs. Locket (message)  2,837 posts, Sugar bee

Wish I had seen this sooner! JK…Mr. L is the same way he pretty much cared about the big picture stuff in the beginning. It wasn’t until a few months out that he really started helping out and doing things because he was afraid I would criticize his work (I am a wee bit critical) and thought it would be easier if I did it on my own. Eventually we figured out a way to split the planning. He dealt with things like cake, DJ, music lists, and manly tasks he was capable of. Without his extra help a lot of things would not be finished and I am super grateful to have him.

 
4.
Bee Icon
Bee
Miss Glasses (message)  2,741 posts, Sugar bee

My Mr. G is all about options. I pulled options for whatever I liked (centerpieces, invitations, etc.) and asked, “Which one do you like?” And when it comes do doing stuff I hand him his tools and say “First you do this, then this” and he does it! I find that getting him to exchange ideas and having discussions doesn’t really work out. We got into a tiff the other week at Michael’s when I couldn’t figure out how I wanted something to look and I got mad at him for not remembering the ideas I had shown him a month ago and not thinking about how we could make it work. Basically, I do all the leg work and he yays or nays. It’s kind of terrible but it works!

Good on Mr. Giraffe for actually reading the book!

 
5.
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Member
mclove (message)  102 posts, Blushing bee

@kelsgurl cool site!!

 
6.
spitcurl
Member
spitcurl (message)  42 posts, Newbee

Mine is the detail-oriented one, while I’m the big-picture gal. :)

But that is not even totally true, since we are both designers — we both are detailed and meticulous, or scattered and spontaneous, but in very different ways. Thankfully, he’s the 3D guy, I’m the 2D gal, and we agree on the overall vision for the day, so the hardest work is done. :) As long as I leave him alone to tinker & experiment with centerpiece ideas, he’s happy. And as long as he stays within our agreed-upon style/theme/color/budget guidelines, so everything is unified and cohesive, I’m happy. We can chime in on opinions when we find something we like, and want to share it with the other.

But for more general guy advice, really the key is: they don’t HAVE to care about rounded corners or napkin colors or whatever (I don’t really care about many things brides are expected to care about either!). But what I am hearing is that, when a partner is disinterested in some detail or aspect of the planning process, it can FEEL like they don’t care about YOU, or the wedding itself. I have gone through this too! But what is usually happening is that they just, seriously, don’t care about this or that little thing, or they get overwhelmed with too much information, when what they really care about is the WHOLE shebang, you included. Don’t sweat the small stuff too much.

There are plenty of aspects of planning that they can be interested in and involved with, and maybe some of those things you might not have a strong opinion on one way or the other, and he can be free to express his wants in those directions.

Also, here are some really great links for Grooms, that discuss things many men enjoy planning for the wedding:

http://groomasaurus.com/category/wedding-stuff-guys-care-about/

http://artofmanliness.com/2009/06/10/dont-miss-your-own-wedding-man/

 
7.
Bee Icon
Bee
Miss Waffle (message)  1,121 posts, Bumble bee

I got my mister a copy of “The Groom’s Instruction Manuel” and he reads a little bit of it every night before bed. It has helped him realize that I’m not making things up (like rehearsal dinners, Save the Dates and centerpieces).

 
8.
aunt pol
Member
aunt pol (message)  1,473 posts, Bumble bee

At $14 that still sounds like money very well spent…!

 
9.
Bee Icon
Bee
Miss Ostrich (message)  1,948 posts, Buzzing bee

what a clever little book! mr. ostrich has been a champ during this process. in the beginning, we brainstormed everything together and was happily shocked that he 1) had dreamed up entrees for our wedding menu 2) he really likes registering for gifts 3) wanted to work on the invitation content/writing and 4) got really excited about our wedding colors. he’s also co-piloting our i pod dj set lists…. and so far, so great!

 
10.
feministbride
Member
feministbride (message)  283 posts, Helper bee

My honey is the same, “whatever you want, dear!” I should totally pick that book up for him….

 
11.
Miss Giraffe
Bee
Miss Giraffe (message)  4,216 posts, Honey bee

@Miss Glasses: We’re totally the same way! Even if he is interested, its like he wants me to narrow things down to three choices and then he’ll pick.

 
12.
Miss Giraffe
Bee
Miss Giraffe (message)  4,216 posts, Honey bee

@Miss Ostrich: You are so lucky! Mr. O sounds like a dream groom!

 
13.
Member Icon
Member
rorbs10 (message)  11 posts, Newbee

My FI is actually extremely involved. Everything we do is 50-50. We have both made the decisions together on everything. People always seem to be so shocked when I tell them that!

 
14.
cnd0020
Member
cnd0020 (message)  85 posts, Worker bee

I’ve learned that the trick is to assign him a responsibility (or let him pick an area to focus on) and then be completely hands off. It drives me crazy when I think he’s procrastinating or moving to slow… but I just have to remind myself that he will get to it when he gets to it!

 

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Mrs. Giraffe
Mrs. Giraffe

Mrs. Giraffe, Chicago Age and Occupation: 23, Graphic Designer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Music Student Teacher Engagement Date: October 23, 2008 Wedding Date: May 2011 Venue: Trinity Lutheran Church & Idlewild Country Club About Me: Coming from the suburbs of the Windy City, you'll often find me with my foot in my mouth while laughing for no reason or telling bad knock knock jokes. I've been crafty for as long as I can remember, and will DIY something twice over before I have someone do it for me. I'm a semi-awkward, typeface obsessed, design junkie and have been know to break out my dance moves for no reason as well as try my best to be ridiculous at all times. My love of pop culture, wordplay, and graph paper almost rivals my love of Mr. Giraffe (who is just the bee's knees). After a 2.5 year engagement, we're planning a modern-in-disguise traditional wedding, and cannot wait!

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